Dorothy: Honey, we know dieting is hard. We've all been there. I remember the time Stan and I went on that weight-loss- through-sex diet. The idea being every time you felt hungry, you would substitute food with some sexual activity.
Blanche: Did it work?
Dorothy: I gained 18 pounds.

Rose: You know, Blanche, you put yourself through this hell every year. Are you sure it's worth it?
Blanche: Of course it's worth it. On my anniversary, every year since I was married, I have slipped into my wedding dress and had my picture taken. George was always so proud of me for stayin' svelte. I'm gonna get into that dress this year even if it kills me.
Sophia: It's not you I'm worried about. The last time you went on a diet, you turned into that guy from Silence of the Lambs. You did everything but butter my face.

Blanche: It's gonna be different this time. See, I'm on this drink-it-off diet. "You have two shakes and a sensible meal every day, you lose weight the fast easy way."
Sophia: I prefer the Italian diet. You drink a bottle of wine, make a smart remark, then get your jaw wired.

Sophia: You're not gonna call him back, are ya?
Dorothy: Oh, absolutely. If John comes to Miami, I want to see him.
Sophia: I don't think that's such a good idea, Pussycat.
Dorothy: Ma, don't you see? When John Neretti gets here, I'm finally going to get my revenge. He's going to see a beautiful vibrant woman who's done something with her life.
Blanche: Well, Dorothy, I'd like to help, but I can't go out with him on such short notice.
Dorothy: I meant "done something with her life standing up."

Dorothy: Well, I'm ready for John. Oh, I've waited a long time for this night.
Sophia: Dorothy, I'm begging you. Don't go out with this guy. He hurt you once, he'll hurt you again.
Dorothy: I am not going out with him.
Rose: But you said you were gonna make him suffer. Don't you have to date a man to do that?

John: Dorothy. Dorothy, look at you. You're as beautiful now as you were then. How have you been?
Dorothy: I love you! I, uh- I'd love you to meet my friend Rose.
John: Oh. Hi. John Neretti. [to Dorothy] Shall we go? We've got reservations at 8:30.
Dorothy: Take me. Out. Take me out for dinner.
John: Sure.
Rose: Dorothy... Ahem. I thought you were gonna make him suffer.
Dorothy: Oh, and I will. Tomorrow morning I'll tell him he's the worst lover I ever had.

John: Something wrong?
Dorothy: Oh, no, no, not at all. But I'll tell you, on the way out, I would like to stop at the gift shop. I'm gonna be needing one of those spiked balls on a chain.

Blanche: [to Rose] Oh, shut up! Just shut up, you babblin', bubble-headed, bleach-blond...
Sophia: Baboon. She needed a "B."

Rose: I never got to go to the junior prom in St. Olaf.
Sophia: How come?
Rose: It was just for people named "Junior."

Blanche: It fits. My wedding dress fits.
Rose: Congratulations. You weren't married in a white dress?
Blanche: Oh, Rose, come on. I mean, it's one thing to hear snickering when you walk down the aisle, but me in white? Even I couldn't keep a straight face.