Rose: "Variety is the watchword for our next bachelorette, Dorothy Zbornak." Come on up, Dorothy.
Blanche: This is perfect. The way the bidding's going, we won't be out more than $20, $30 apiece.
Rose: "If Dorothy's not off winging her way to Molokai to assist Father Damian in his work with the lepers, you can find her hang-gliding high above the Florida Keys."
Dorothy: Rose, where did you get that?
Rose: From your mother. Before she and I talked, I wasn't aware of any of it. "She's a scratch golfer who, under President Jimmy Carter, served as the United States Senate Majority Whip." And she likes to read.
Sophia: [to Blanche] I figured, close with the truth. It'll kind of anchor the rest.

Rose: More than 10% of it thanks to Dorothy here.
Dorothy: Oh, who's keeping score? What's important is that we made a lot of money. Together we made a consid- They were fighting over me. Did you see it?
Blanche: Well, Dorothy, to be fair, one of 'em was Stan.
Dorothy: Do I sense a tinge of envy there, Miss "going, going, gone" for $25.50?
Blanche: You can't put a price tag on beauty, Dorothy.
Dorothy: Oh, sure you can. $25.50.

Dorothy: Oh, I'm sorry, Blanche. No, I'm not blaming any of this on you. It's all my fault for giving Stan so many chances. But I can't do this again. I mean, how many times can I make the same mistake? How many times can you bang your head against the wall before it starts to bleed?
Rose: Nine.

Dorothy: Thank you, Blanche. And thank you too, Rose.
Rose: What did I say?
Dorothy: Nothing. And I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.

Stan: I need you, Dorothy! I want you! Without you, I'm nothing. Do you hear me? Nothing.
Dorothy: Stan, as much of a turn on as this is, get off the floor.
Stan: I belong on the floor if I've driven you out of my life. From this moment on, the floor is my home.
Dorothy: Enjoy.
Sophia: Dorothy!
Dorothy: I can explain, Ma-
Sophia: No need to, Pussycat. Let's move quick before the cops get here. You wipe for fingerprints, I'll get a shovel and a Hefty bag.
Stan: Sophia.
Sophia: Oh, great. It figures you couldn't finish the job. I'm gonna go get the toaster.

Dorothy: Stanley, stop it. I am not going out with you. I would rather be bound and gagged and left on an anthill covered with honey.

Stan: No, no, no. You don't understand. Something wonderful has happened. In his will, Uncle Morris left us an apartment building - jointly. We're partners. Don't you see, Dorothy? We'll be together, and we'll have a place of our own.
Sophia: Oh, God, he's proposing to her again. Will one of you raise your standards, please?!

Dorothy: Ma, Uncle Angelo's plane lands at 4:00. You have plenty of time to make a fresh batch before then.
Sophia: Good, because these aren't fit for human consumption.
Rose: Top of the morning, sunshines.
Sophia: Hey, Rose, try one of these.

Rose: Hey, I have an idea. Dorothy just did something really nice for us. Why don't we do something nice for her? Why don't we buy her a man?
Sophia: Well, I'm in, and I know just the person. Free every Saturday night- Oh, wait, that's a woman. Oh, wait, that's Dorothy.

Blanche: Rose, that's not a bad idea. We were all gonna donate money anyway. We could chip in, say, 50 bucks and buy her the bull of the ball. Oh, but who do we know who knows a man?
Rose: Blanche, you know hundreds of men.
Blanche: I know. I just like to hear you say it.