Rose: Good news, girls. I've gained four pounds.
Dorothy: How is that good news?
Rose: Well, it means that all those weight-loss products don't work. Now, to lose those four pounds I guess I'll have to go on a sensible diet that I know gets results. The St. Olaf "I can't believe this is cheese" diet.
Dorothy: How does it work?
Rose: You eat nothing but rice.

Blanche: Good morning, ladies. Dorothy, a Popsicle-stick purse for you. Sophia, a Popsicle-stick potpourri box, and for you, Rose, two lovely Popsicle-stick earrings.
Dorothy: So, Blanche, how are we enjoying our celibacy?
Blanche: Oh, just let me get a Popsicle. I'll be right with you.
Rose: Blanche, I'm worried. That's all you've been living on for two weeks.
Blanche: Well, if I don't eat the Popsicle, how am I gonna get to the stick?

Blanche: Sex is only good when your heart is in it, and that's the one organ I can't count on.
Dorothy: Oh, now, come on, Blanche. You don't know that.
Blanche: But listen, if that's the way you feel, maybe you should tell Simon so that he'll know where he stands.
Sophia: For the last two weeks, he's been standing with his legs crossed.

Dorothy: I can't believe it. Blanche has gone without for two weeks. I mean, that's like Raymond Burr saying, "No gravy."
Rose: What do you think is the matter with her?
Sophia: Maybe when she had that out-of-body experience, she didn't get back in all the way. Try to discuss science with kids.

Blanche: I don't really know how to say this. I never thought I'd ever be sayin' this in my wildest dreams, and you know just how wild they can get. What I'm trying to tell you, Simon, is the last time we made love was the last time. I guess it's just lucky that we took those snapshots.

Simon: What are you talking about?
Blanche: I am giving up the physical side of my life. After what I've been through, I cannot trust myself to climb the heights of passion anymore, 'cause I can't be sure of ever gettin' back again.
Simon: I know you have to be concerned about the pacemaker.
Blanche: Wouldn't you be?
Simon: Blanche, everyone I know over 50- Over 40 has a pacemaker. They all lead perfectly normal lives in every way, Blanche.
Blanche: But this is in me. Oh, Simon, for the first time in my life I'm- I'm just scared of intimacy.

Dorothy: Ma, I said I was sorry.
Sophia: The least you can do when we're gonna see a movie is say it's a foreign film.
Dorothy: What is the big deal?
Sophia: I had to stand at the front of the screen all that running back and forth to complete a sentence almost killed me.

Rose: Wasn't that Simon's car parked out front?
Dorothy: Are you sure? Blanche? She's not in here.
Rose: Well, maybe she had trouble with her pacemaker, and since we weren't here, she called him.
Dorothy: Oh, my God. [all rush to Blanche's room]
Blanche: [o.s. singing] Over there Over there- No, I said over there! Send the word, send the word over there