Rose: Blanche, what did the doctor say?
Blanche: Oh, he just muttered something in Latin. I explained to him that Simon and I have been going out every night, and it's just fatigue.
Dorothy: And then what did he say?
Blanche: He wants to match the heartbeats that this records to my activities, so, for the next 24 hours, I have to write down everything I do.
Sophia: And you're not embarrassed to have him read that smut?

Dorothy: I'm proud of you, Blanche. Boy, if this were me, I would be really scared.
Rose: When I'm scared, I put my head between my knees.
Dorothy: That's for nausea.
Rose: When I'm scared, I'm nauseous. You remember what happened when that man tried to steal my purse?
Dorothy: Worked better than mace.

Sophia: Dorothy, have you been fooling around with my Tip O'Neill calendar?
Dorothy: No, Ma, I haven't.
Sophia: Come on! I'm missing March. It's the month where he's playing volleyball with Jesse Helms.

Dorothy: What kind of doctor would he be if he didn't wanna check out everything?
Blanche: Yeah, well, if it makes him happy. If everything's as bad as he thinks it is, he wants to put a pacemaker in me.
Sophia: Everybody's got a nickname for it.

Rose: Oh, Blanche, it's good to see you back to your old self again. But don't forget, the doctor said nothing too strenuous for a few days, then you'll be fine.
Blanche: I am not back to my old self. As a matter of fact, I may never be.
Dorothy: What are you talking about?
Blanche: Listen, I know this sounds crazy, and if it hadn't happened to me, I wouldn't believe it either, but while I was being operated on, I had an out-of-body experience. I was floating, looking down at myself. It was like- It was like-
Dorothy: What? Like the mirror on your bedroom ceiling?

Blanche: If a 5,000-year-old Indian shows up, tell him I wanna know more about his people.

Sophia: Hey, Dorothy, guess who's on Johnny Carson tonight?
Dorothy: Who?
Sophia: Johnny Carson.
Dorothy: Must be the anniversary show.

Rose: Where's Blanche?
Dorothy: She's out on a date with Simon. It's her first time out, so who knows when she'll be home?
Sophia: Checkout time is usually noon.

Dorothy: Oh, Simon. Good to see you again. How have you been?
Simon: A little lonely, but I'm better now.
Dorothy: Oh, that's sweet.
Simon: I cannot believe how much I've missed this little girl.
Sophia: This guy is growing antlers.

Dorothy: Your date is over?
Blanche: You sound surprised.
Dorothy: Well, it's just that your dates usually end with a little pillow talk.
Sophia: Yeah, like, "What did you say your name was again?"