Blanche: Dorothy, I- I don't know what to say.
Dorothy: I understand, Blanche.
Blanche: Oh, no, you don't. See, I used to think I was a miracle worker, that nobody could do what I do at the museum. And then you came and learned my job in less than a week and I realized any idiot can do what I do.
Dorothy: And you were afraid you couldn't find the right words to apologize.
Blanche: There are no right words, Dorothy. Words cannot begin to ease the pain I've inflicted on you. But I want to do something to make it up to you. I want to give you something personal, something from the heart. The most beautiful thing I own, to the most beautiful person I know. Let me see, I guess that would be my emerald earrings. I'm sure as hell not gonna give you those. But I want to give you something special. Something personal. I know, how about a personal check for $75? And on the bottom I'm going to write, "Because I was a big fat jerk."
Dorothy: Blanche, I don't want your check.
Blanche: Dorothy, please, I am trying desperately to find some way to tell you I'm sorry.
Dorothy: OK, I will take the check but I'm not going to cash it. I'm going to keep it as a reminder for the next time you behave like a big fat jerk.

Dorothy: Here's your mail.
Blanche: Why don't you just tell me what's in it?
Dorothy: What?
Blanche: Well, haven't you already steamed it open or held it up to the light?
Dorothy: Look, please, Blanche, I have a lot of work to get done before lunch.
Blanche: Well, please don't let little old ineffectual, insignificant me get between you and your work.
Dorothy: Thank you.
Blanche: After all, I wouldn't want to come between your lips and Mr Allen's behind.

Rose: I'll just set these down and then I'll show you through the house. Oh, you didn't have to wait outside. Come in. It's OK, fella. [as the dog] I don't mind if I do. Nice place you got here. [normal] Well, thank you. Can I offer you something? Coffee? Tea? Scraps from last night's dinner? [as dog] Oh, you're pulling my tail.
Sophia: Aren't you a little old for imaginary friends?
Rose: Oh, Sophia, I wasn't talking to myself. I was talking to the dog.
Sophia: Naomi Burch used to talk to woodpeckers. A thousand volts a day stopped that.

Blanche: Dorothy, maybe it's time you reconsidered working at the museum with me.
Dorothy: Honey, come on, we've had that conversation. The only thing I know about museums is that you shouldn't eat the veal in the cafeteria.

Dorothy: What was that?
Blanche: Rose brought a dog home from the supermarket.
Dorothy: What, couldn't she get stew meat like she usually does?

Dorothy: I hate dogs, Rose.
Rose: Oh, Dorothy, come on. Nobody hates dogs. Oh, please, just for the night. I promise. [as dog] Please, Auntie Dorothy. I won't be any trouble. Please.
Dorothy: All right. But just for the night.
Rose: [as dog] Thank you, Auntie Dorothy. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Dorothy: Well, do you believe this?
Sophia: Na, I saw her lips move.

Dorothy: I took several art courses in college and I've also substituted in art appreciation classes in the public school system.
Mr. Allen: Huh?
Blanche: Mr. Allen, Dorothy was telling you about her background.
Mr. Allen: Oh, I'm sorry, I'm a little distracted. It's not every day a man comes home at lunch to find his best friend in bed with his wife.
Dorothy: Oh, I'm so sorry. That must have been quite a shock.
Mr. Allen: It was. Arthur's never come home at lunch before. He caught me red-handed.

Rose: [as dog] Auntie Dorothy. Lighten up.
Blanche: Morning.
Rose: [as dog] Morning, Auntie Blanche.
Blanche: Oh, the pup's still here.
Dorothy: Yeah. One more day, unless Ma takes him bar hopping.

Sophia: [answering the phone] Hello? Just a minute. Mr. Allen on the phone.
Blanche: Oh, well, I wonder what he wants. He's never called me at home before.
Sophia: And he's not calling you now either. It's for Dorothy.

Blanche: Well, I'm not taking this sitting down, Dorothy. When it comes to art, you cannot hold a candle to me.
So why don't you give me back my closing banquet before you go and mess everything up.
Dorothy: You listen to me. Mr. Allen gave me that banquet and I intend to take charge of it, regardless of your childish insecurities.
Blanche: Childish? Who are you calling childish?
Dorothy: Who did you call back-stabber?