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Vacation

‘Vacation’

Season 2, Episode 8 -  Aired November 29, 1986

Dorothy, Blanche and Rose endure a Carribean vacation from hell. Meanwhile, Sophia stays in Miami and charms the gardener.

Quote from Dorothy

Rick: So, how have you ladies been enjoying your vacation?
Dorothy: As a child during the Depression, I had to have my wisdom teeth extracted by a shoemaker. That was more fun than this.

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Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: Oh, Blanche, get a hold of yourself.
Blanche: I don't want to get a hold of myself. They invite us to go out on a boat and then they sail us right out in the middle of a storm. And we end up shipwrecked on this godforsaken island.
Rick: Hey, so, we made a few mistakes. Nobody's perfect, huh.
Dwayne: Yeah, what's the big deal?
Blanche: "What's the big deal?" You almost killed us, you nitwits. I hate you. I curse the day I ever laid eyes on you. I curse the day your momma ever laid eyes on your daddy. I curse the day your daddy ever lay down with your momma.

Quote from Rose

Rose: Look, ladies, we've taken all the guff we're gonna take off of you.
Blanche: No, you're gonna take all the guff I got and you're gonna like it.
Rose: All right, everybody, now shut the hell up. I'm in charge here. From now on, everyone listens to me.
Rick: Why should we listen to you?
Rose: Because I happen to be the most decorated pioneer scout in the history of northern Minnesota. I can build a 100-foot rope bridge, start a fire with rocks, distill sea water into drinking water. Now, if you want to get out of this alive, I suggest you listen to me. Do I hear any objections? I didn't think so. Dorothy, Blanche, start breaking up the boat. We need wood for a fire. And, you three, head up north, up that ridge. Based on those rock formations, there's a good chance of finding a waterfall. If you don't find anything in an hour, head back to the coastline, follow it around and look for our fire. Now, move. I said move!

Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: Well, I hope one day you meet the woman of your dreams, but, in the mean time, who are you and what are you doing in our bathroom?
Dwayne: I'm Dwayne and that's Rick.
Winston Hardwick III: And I'm Winston Hardwick III.
Rose: Well, we're very glad to meet you, but what are you doing in our bathroom?
Winston Hardwick III: This is our room. I'm afraid the six of us are going to have to share this bathroom.
Blanche: I am not sharing a bathroom with three strange men. I don't care if it is my vacation.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Now, Ma, you sure you'll be all right while we're away?
Sophia: Dorothy, I'll be fine.
Dorothy: Listen, you behave yourself. Don't use the car. No parties. And I want you to stay out of the liquor cabinet while we're gone.
Sophia: Hey, who am I? Gidget? Get out of here.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Oh, beautiful Mother Earth. Land, land at last. Thank God!
Rose: How long were we out there?
Dorothy: At least two rosaries.
Winston Hardwick III: We're lucky to be alive.
Blanche: And you. You miserable low-down piece of Yankee slime.
Winston Hardwick III: Blanche, I sense some hostility towards me.
Blanche: How'd you like to sense a coconut upside your head?

Quote from Rose

Rose: Dorothy, do you have the airline tickets?
Dorothy: Yes, Rose.
Rose: And the passports?
Dorothy: Yes, Rose.
Rose: Did you remember to bring Pepto-Bismol?
Dorothy: Yes, Rose.
Rose: Dramamine?
Dorothy: Yes, Rose.
Rose: And chewing gum in case we have to pop our ears?
Dorothy: Yes, Rose.
Rose: Did you call a cab to take us to the airport?
Dorothy: No, Rose, I called two cabs. One for Blanche and me and one for you, 'cause you're making me crazy with all your questions.
Rose: I'm sorry. I guess I'm just a little worried about travelling out of the country, you know with all the problems in the Middle East.
Dorothy: Rose, we're going to an island in the Caribbean. Our biggest worry is getting strap marks.

Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: Come on, now. Blanche, you can't take all that luggage.
Blanche: But, Dorothy, I may run into a celebrity while I'm sunbathing on the beach. I only packed what I need to make me look my devastating.
Sophia: Then I hope you packed a tight butt.

Quote from Dorothy

Rose: Now, whose cab is this? Is this yours or mine?
Dorothy: Rose, there's only one cab.
Rose: Well, how am I going to get to the airport?
Dorothy: Run behind it!

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma, please. If not, I'll spend my entire vacation worrying about you.
Sophia: Dorothy, I'll be fine. In fact, it'll be nice to have the house to myself. I can vacuum in the nude. Now, get out of here.

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