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‘Grab That Dough’ Quotes

The Golden Girls: Grab That Dough

316. Grab That Dough

Aired January 23, 1988

The girls have a terrible time when they travel to Hollywood to try win money on a game show, Grab That Dough.

Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: Hi, Ma. You want some dinner?
Sophia: Forget dinner. Listen up, everybody. I've got something in this old lady purse that's gonna make you scream, holler and jump for joy.
Blanche: Are the batteries included?

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Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Oh, Ma, these tickets were sent out four months ago. You gave them the wrong address.
Sophia: Oh, yeah. Here it is, my old address from Sicily. Two miles west of Palermo, underneath the old bridge.
Rose: You used to live under a bridge?
Sophia: Yeah, we were wealthy. Most people didn't have a bridge to live under.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Here, let me handle this. Nancy, honey. Now, I don't generally like to throw my name around, but you really leave me no choice. It so happens that I am Miss Angie Dickinson. And now, if you don't mind, I would like two rooms.
Nancy: You don't look like Angie Dickinson to me.
Blanche: I know, I have altered my appearance for a very important movie role.
Dorothy: Yeah, it's about a woman who eats her way from behind the Iron Curtain.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Would you stop complaining? We've got it easy. Back in Sicily, I was on a game show. It was torture.
Rose: What was it called, Sophia?
Sophia: I just told you. Torture. Mussolini asked the questions and you'd better have the right answers. Things like: Who do you like better, me or Hitler? Who's got the snappiest boots, me or Hitler? Who's got the cuter girlfriend, me or Hitler? And you always had to answer, "Mussolini." Otherwise, they forced you to play the lightning round. They used real lightning.
Dorothy: Oh, come on, Ma, you're making this up.
Sophia: Like hell, I did. Goodson-Todman brought it to the United States., changed a few of the rules and called it Tattle Tales. Now count your blessings and go to sleep. Good night.

Quote from Blanche

Guy Corbin: Our second contestant is an artist with an incredible body. She runs her own museum, speaks Chinese and hopes to sail around the world before she turns 40. Wow, that must be a typo. Welcome, Blanche Devereaux!

Quote from Blanche

Guy Corbin: For 100 points, complete this famous saying: "Better late than..." Blanche.
Blanche: Pregnant.
Guy Corbin: That's incorrect. But certainly not untrue.

Quote from Dorothy

Blanche: Oh, Grab That Dough is my favorite game show.
Rose: Oh, mine too, and I think Guy Corbin is the cutest host on TV. He's like Gene Rayburn, Chuck Woolery and Bob Eubanks, all rolled into one.
Dorothy: That's an awful lot of teeth and polyester.

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: Sophia, when are we gonna be on?
Sophia: We tape tomorrow afternoon in Hollywood.
Rose: You're kidding, Hollywood, California?
Sophia: No, Rose, Hollywood on the planet Romulak.

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: Well, isn't that a shame. We won't be able to go.
Sophia: Why not? You have a pressing engagement with a cheesecake?

Quote from Sophia

Rose: I can't believe that stupid airline lost our luggage. What are we gonna do?
Sophia: Ask Blanche, she's the expert when it comes to checking into hotels without luggage.

Quote from Sophia

Rose: I can't believe somebody stole my bags.
Blanche: Oh, honey, don't worry about it. With all the money we're gonna win, you'll be able to replace those bags and everything in them.
Dorothy: Yeah, what about my bags?
Sophia: Relax, with your share, you can have your bags surgically removed.

Quote from Sophia

Nancy: Good morning, my name is Nancy. How may I help you?
Dorothy: We have two double rooms reserved under the name Zbornak.
Nancy: I'm afraid I just gave those two rooms away.
Rose: But we had a reservation.
Nancy: Until 3am. You're late. Therefore the reservation is null and void. I'm sorry, that's company policy.
Sophia: Oh, yeah? Well, I'm from Sicily and you know what our company policy is? First, I break your knees.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Look, forget about the reservation, just give us two double rooms.
Nancy: I'm afraid we're all booked up.
Sophia: First you give away our rooms and now you're tell us you're booked up.
Nancy: That's correct, madam.
Sophia: It is? Hey, I'm pretty sharp for three in the morning.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: [moaning] Fernando, you naughty boy. Not the feathers.
Dorothy: Blanche, Blanche, wake up. People are looking at you.
Blanche: What? Oh. Oh, I'm sorry. I think I was having an erotic dream.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: You know, your father used to do a thing with feathers when we were first married, but he was too lazy to pull them off the chicken so I put an end to that.
Dorothy: Ma, next time you have an urge to stroll down memory lane, do me a favor: Go by yourself.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Yeah, now all we have to do is figure out a way to get to the studio.
Rose: We can always walk. It's only 39 blocks. If we start right now, we can still get there in time.
Blanche: I have a better idea. We can hitchhike. See, I can lift up my skirt, like that Clark Gable movie, It Happened One Night. We'll have a ride in no time.
Sophia: Please, you lift up your skirt, and someone might mistake your thigh for the on ramp to the freeway.

Quote from Rose

Blanche: Sophia, Rose, honey. Before you go out, there's something you ought to know. We're gonna team up with the Kaplan Brothers.
Rose: The Kaplan Brothers? You mean you and Dorothy are joining a country western band?
Dorothy: That's the Gatlin Brothers, Rose.

Quote from Sophia

Guy Corbin: Thank you. Hello, everybody! Welcome to Grab That Dough. The show where all you really need to know to win, is how to make a fist. Let's meet our lucky contestants. First, on the green team, we have Dorothy Zbornak, an English teacher originally from Brooklyn, New York. She now lives in Miami with her mother, who will gladly pay anyone who will take her out for a date.

Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: Blanche, that entire introduction was nothing but lies.
Blanche: I know, and they just loved it. Did you hear that applause?
Dorothy: Is that all you care about? Money and applause?
Blanche: And sex. For which I generally get applause.

Quote from Rose

Guy Corbin: Our next contestant is a family counselor. She originally hails from St. Olaf, Minnesota, where she was voted the girl most likely to get stuck in a tuba. Welcome, Rose Nylund.

Quote from Sophia

Guy Corbin: And last, but not least, is a grandmother of six. Sophia Petrillo. Sophia, it says here that you and Dorothy are mother and daughter.
Sophia: No, Guy. Rose is my daughter now. And you, Dorothy, are the biggest disappointment to hit the streets since the AMC Pacer.

Quote from Blanche

Guy Corbin: Welcome back. It's time to spin the big money wheel on Grab That Dough. Spinners, mosey on down. We'll start first with Blanche from the green team. Blanche, show us your stuff.
Blanche: You first, Mr. Game Show Host.
Guy Corbin: Blanche, spin the wheel.

Quote from Sophia

Guy Corbin: The green team makes a miraculous comeback and wins the game! Oh, blue team, we don't want you to go away empty handed, you have $400, that's $100 a piece, and you have the home version of Grab That Dough which attaches to any vacuum cleaner. Thank you for being with us.
Sophia: Cram it, piano teeth.


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