Rose: [answering phone] Hello. Oh, Helgie. So what's going on in St. Olaf? I can't understand ya, honey. Are you moaning? No. Say it slowly. Oh, God, it's raining. Oh, God, it's raining. Oh, God... Oh, God, it's raining! Here, I've gotta get to Miles.
Blanche: [listening to phone] Boy, it must be pouring.

Tony: Where does a sweet Sicilian girl like you learn to do those things?
Sophia: I live with a slut.
Tony: Thank her for me.

Dorothy: Ma, you slept with him, didn't you? Come over here. Look me in the eye. Did you sleep with Tony Delveccio?
Sophia: A little.
Dorothy: Ma!
Sophia: Blanche made me do it.
Dorothy: What? Don't you have a mind of your own? If Gladys Goldfine told you to drink a whole bottle of Kaopectate, would you?
Sophia: Who blabbed?

Blanche: You don't have to lie to Miles. Just don't tell him the truth. Turn this thing to your advantage. Now, if you hold Miles at bay, amazing things will start to happen. He'll become more attentive, send you flowers. He'll be a prisoner of love, and you'll be the warden. And if you're interested, I have costumes for both of you to rent.
Dorothy: Blanche, first, you tell my mother to sleep with a stranger, now this? I mean, what makes you think you know everything about the opposite sex?
Blanche: Let the record speak for itself. I have had 143 relationships.
Dorothy: And no convictions.

Blanche: Rose, listen. Now, you have a very critical date coming up. Everything I said would happen has. He's been more attentive, he's sent you flowers, he's done your laundry and returned most of it. We're right on schedule, but tonight he's gonna ask you if you're seeing other men. Do you know what you're gonna say?
Rose: I'm not sure.
Blanche: Just be bold, be brazen, be brutal. Now, what are you gonna say?
Rose: [sassy] I'm not sure.
Blanche: Rose, if you're gonna be my lump of clay, you gotta be a little bit smarter. When he asks you if you're seeing other men, just tweak his nose and say, "My, my, sir, I do believe you're jealous."
Dorothy: What about the vapors, Blanche? Shouldn't she be overcome by the vapors?

Sophia: [o.s.] Blanche, can I come out now?
Blanche: Oh, yeah. Hold it just a minute. Girls, I want to present Blanche Devereaux's latest creation. I took an 84-year-old woman and made her look like a 65-year-old drag queen. Then I said to myself, "Blanche, too much rouge." So, after a few minor adjustments, may I present the new Sophia Petrillo.
Dorothy: Ma, are you in there?
Sophia: You know, this is the first time in years I felt like the real me. Should these be lower?

Blanche: Take your glasses off. And it's a good idea if you can find something to compliment him on.
Sophia: [opening door to Miles] Hi. Is it my imagination, or do you have less hair on your knuckles?
Miles: Well, it could be, Sophia. At my age, everything starts to go.
Rose: Sophia, it's Miles.
Miles: Hey, you look beautiful.
Sophia: Boy, it has been a long time for you, hasn't it, big fella?

Rose: What do I do if he wants to go back to his place?
Blanche: Tell him you have a lot of work you have to do at home.
Rose: I don't wanna lie.
Blanche: When you get home, we'll make ya clean out the garage.
Rose: Thanks, Blanche, I owe you one.

Tony: Hi, Sophia.
Sophia: Hi. You remember Blanche and my Aunt Dorothy.

Tony: Sophia, you look enchanting. If I wasn't such a gentleman, I'd try to ply you with wine and take advantage of you.
Blanche: There's a liquor store on the corner.
Dorothy: She can't drink. It mixes with her medication.
Sophia: Beautifully.