Blanche: What's the matter, honey? Something wrong?
Rose: Yes. No. Well, I guess yes and no.
Dorothy: Honey, what is it?
Rose: I found out this morning I'm gonna be a mother again.
Dorothy: Rose, we've been over this a hundred times. You cannot get pregnant using the toilet at the mall.
Sophia: I'll bet it's a boy. You're carrying really high in the front.

Rose: I'm not having a baby. I'm getting a baby. I got a telegram that my Uncle Hingeblotter had passed away and left me custody of his baby.
Blanche: [gasps] Oh, my God.
Dorothy: What are you gonna do?
Rose: Oh, I'm not sure. I've always dreamed of the chance to be a mother again, but it's a big responsibility.
Blanche: Oh, it sure is. I'm not sure I could even raise another baby at my age, and I'm far younger than you. And prettier. Not that prettier has anything to do with it, but I just am.

Dorothy: You know, Rose, I have a confession to make. I have always dreamed of the chance to raise another baby.
Rose: Well, Dorothy, if you're lucky, maybe someday one of your uncles will drop dead.

Dorothy: What I mean, Rose, is that if you decide to raise this child, I think I'd like to help you.
Rose: Really?
Blanche: Wait a minute. If you both want to raise this child, why, I might even consider it myself.
Dorothy: But I thought you said you didn't want to be a mother again.
Blanche: But I meant by myself. As long as you all are around to change its diapers and clean up after it when it spits up and pees, I'd love to be a mother again.

Blanche: Did he say if it's a boy or a girl?
Rose: He didn't say, but it must be one or the other.
Dorothy: You been watching PBS again, Rose?

Rose: Dorothy, look at this old picture I found. That's me at 15, standing next to my Uncle Hingeblotter.
Dorothy: Who's the other guy?
Rose: Oh, that's my uncle's half-brother: Inkeblotter.

Blanche: I'm reading the Spock book on baby care, and he says it's very important for a young child to have a male role model around during its formative years. Now, what are we gonna do?
Dorothy: We'll all wear Yankee caps and scratch our behinds after every beer.

Chester T. McRainey: Is, uh, Rose Nylund here?
Rose: I'm Rose Nylund.
Chester T. McRainey: Well, I'm Chester T. McRainey, legal counsel to your late Uncle Hingeblotter.
Rose: Oh, we've been waiting for you. Did you bring the baby?
Chester T. McRainey: I brought him.
Rose: Him. Did you hear that, girls? Does he look anything like me?
Chester T. McRainey: Uh, well judge for yourself. Come on, Baby. Come on, Baby. [Chester walks a large pig into the house]
Dorothy: Well, uh, maybe just a little around the eyes.
Blanche: What in hell is going on here?
Chester T. McRainey: This is Baby. Five-time blue ribbon winner at the Minnesota State Fair. This sweet little thing was your uncle's pride and joy.

Rose: Oh, I haven't had a pig as a pet since I was a little girl.
Blanche: Just forget that, Rose. I want that filthy beast out of my house now.
Chester T. McRainey: Fine, your cousin Gunther will be happy to take Baby, as well as the $100,000 that comes along with him.
Blanche: I beg your pardon?
Chester T. McRainey: Uncle Hingeblotter was a very rich man. And he loved this pig dearly. That's why he left you $100,000 to make sure Baby would be well taken care of.
Rose: Well, I'd take care of him for free.
Blanche: Oh, shut up, Rose.

Blanche: Tell me, how long does Rose have to take care of this pig before she gets the money?
Chester T. McRainey: Well, as long as he lives.
Dorothy: Oh, forget it.
Rose: Well, I'd split the money with you girls.
Dorothy: Forget it.
Blanche: How long does a pig live?
Chester T. McRainey: 25 years.
Dorothy: Forget it.
Blanche: How old is this pig?
Chester T. McRainey: 29.
Dorothy: Welcome, Baby!