Rose: You know, Dorothy, I was thinking, how wonderful it is to have a pig living here. This morning I was all snugly warm under the covers and I opened my eyes and there was Baby, fast asleep at the foot of the bed, like a sweet angel.
Dorothy: That is sweet. Rose, how long do you think it'll be before the pig is dead?
Rose: Did Baby do something wrong?
Dorothy: No, no. Not unless you count that when he burps, it smells like four burning tires.

Blanche: So, Dorothy, what are you gonna do with your share of the money?
Dorothy: Oh, come on, Blanche, the pig isn't dead. He's sick. I mean, the money never even crossed my mind.
Sophia: Oh, yeah? Then what were you doing with these EF Hutton brochures?
Dorothy: Ma, you took those out of my purse.
Sophia: No, no, they fell out when I was taking out a 20.

Dorothy: How is Baby?
Veterinarian: Not very well, I'm afraid. I don't think he has much time left.
Sophia: Oh, that's too bad.
Blanche: Tragic.
Dorothy: Terrible.
Rose: But there's hope!
Dorothy, Blanche & Sophia: What?
Veterinarian: There's really nothing wrong with Baby, physically.
Rose: He has a mental problem.
Dorothy: Four grown women decide to live with a pig, and he's the one with the mental problem?

Blanche: I feel terrible.
Dorothy: I feel miserable.
Sophia: Let's go shopping.

Dorothy: Oh, Blanche, Blanche. I am so glad you came back. Listen, I have to talk to you.
Blanche: Well, honey, I have to talk to you, too. And it's about the money.
Dorothy: That's exactly what I wanted to talk to you about.
Blanche: Dorothy, I have been so worried. I think that the way we've been spending this money is all wrong.
Dorothy: Blanche, I could not agree with you more. Honey, I've been up half the night worrying about how foolish we've been, spending all that money on silly little things that we don't need.
Blanche: Oh, I am so relieved. Oh, I just knew you would agree that combining our money to buy one big thing was the best idea. I just hope you like it in light blue.
Dorothy: Like what in light blue?
Blanche: [car horn honks] We'll be right out, Sophia.
Dorothy: Blanche, that's a Mercedes.
Blanche: I know it. Don't you just love it? It's ours.

Dorothy: Blanche, you don't understand. I wanted to give up the money and send Baby home.
Blanche: Dorothy, you can't do that.
Dorothy: We lied to Rose. We tricked her into jeopardizing the life of an animal, just to make a fast buck. We have to tell her the truth.
Blanche: Dorothy, I cannot let you do this.
Dorothy: Blanche, get out of my way.
Blanche: I want that car, Dorothy. I will give you anything.
Dorothy: Blanche, we have to tell Rose the truth.
Blanche: I'll give you one of my sons. I have given this a lot of thought, Dorothy. I have had four kids, I have never had a Mercedes. What do you say? Which one do you want? Biff, Doug, Skippy? No, don't take Skippy, he's got asthma.

Rose: I was just thumbing through the old family album. Here's a picture of Baby when he was younger. Wasn't he an impressive sight?
Dorothy: Oh, yes, Rose. But then again, who isn't when he's caught relieving himself and eating dinner at the same time?

Dorothy: Rose, I have a confession to make. When I said I thought Baby shouldn't go back to the farm, I wasn't thinking of him. I was thinking of myself. I was acting out of greed. I wanted the money.
Blanche: Dorothy, I am shocked!
Rose: So am I! I can't believe you lied to me.
Blanche: Well, now don't be too hard on her, Rose. Although she may have been doing it for the wrong reason, at least the decision was right because Baby is better off here.
Blanche: Why ya'll looking at me like I'm a murderer? I tell you, this pig is dying because he's old and sick. Now, I refuse to even entertain the notion that he's slipping away because he's homesick for this godforsaken place. [Baby squeals] What's going on?
Rose: I think he recognizes the picture of Uncle Hingeblotter's farm.
Blanche: Oh, my God! Then he is homesick. I'm a murderer. I'm nothing but no-good money-grubbing trash. Oh, Baby, forgive me.

Sophia: What's going on?
Dorothy: Oh, Ma, Baby's going home.
Sophia: Oh, may he rest in peace.
Dorothy: Ma, Baby isn't dead. We've decided to send him back to the farm and give up the money.
Sophia: Wait a minute. Let me get this straight. We lived with a filthy pig in our house, bought a whole bunch of stuff on credit we can't afford, and now we're gonna kiss off 100,000 bucks because the pig is homesick?
Blanche: That's right.
Sophia: Sometimes life really bites the big one.

Dorothy: I see you finally got your new glasses.
Sophia: Yeah, I also got these to beg for spare change on the corner.
Dorothy: That is enough! Now look, we have to stop this moping around. So we don't have the money anymore. I mean, we still have a great deal to be thankful for. We live in a lovely home, we have our health and we have each other. And I'll tell you the truth. When we had the money, we did crazy, ridiculous things. To be honest, I'm glad it's gone.
Rose: Girls, my cousin who took Baby just sent us a letter.
Dorothy: Oh, please let there be cash in it! I can't stand being poor another day.