Dorothy: You know, Ma, you're really making me feel very bad. You keep telling me how hard it was and how long it took to have me.
Sophia: Did I mention the colic?
Dorothy: Ma, you're hurting my feelings.
Sophia: Not as much as you hurt my oonie.
Dorothy: Ma!

Dorothy: Mornin', Ma. How you feelin'?
Sophia: I'm not sure. What did we have for dinner last night?
Dorothy: Mexican.
Sophia: Oh. Then I'm OK.

Rose: Hi, girls. Guess where I'm going.
Dorothy: A sanitarium up north?
Rose: I'm gonna enter the US Senior Sports Classic. And I'm gonna win.
Dorothy: I had no idea that you could skate that well.
Rose: Oh, when I was young, my folks had me train for the US team. Oh, the day the Olympic Committee came to St. Olaf, I was so nervous I put my skates on the wrong feet.
Dorothy: Oh.
Rose: Sonya Henderfinken's.

Blanche: Oh, Rose, for God's sake, you look like a giant elf. Can I borrow that sometime?

Dorothy: No, I think it's great that she's brave enough to have that baby by herself.
Sophia: Look who's talking - the president of knocked up and single.
Blanche: Yeah, but at least Dorothy's pregnancy was an accident. My daughter did it on purpose. And went to a sperm bank. A sperm bank. Just the very idea of a bank havin' sperm.
Sophia: At least the government didn't have to bail them out.

Becky: Mama that sounded just awful.
Blanche: Well, darling, that is woman's lot in life - to bear the pain of childbirth.
Becky: What's man's lot in life?
Dorothy: Their eyebrows grow together.

Dorothy: How's the skating going?
Rose: Oh, Coach Ninervini is really disappointed in my compulsory figures. The only way I can make an "8" is to start with a snowman and then erase his head and arms. By the time I do all that, the judges have lost interest.
Dorothy: So have I, Rose.

Sophia: Dorothy was born during the Depression. Mine. We had no money, and when it came time to deliver, I couldn't afford to go to the hospital. Hospitals were for the rich.
Blanche: So Dorothy was born at home?
Sophia: Homes were for the rich. Babies were for the rich. We tried selling her, but the rich have taste.
Rose: Did you have a hard labor?
Sophia: Oh, it went on for days, but she was finally born. 32 pounds, 3 ounces.
Blanche: Oh, Sophia!
Dorothy: Ma, nobody weighs 32 pounds when they're born.
Sophia: That's what the guy from the circus said.

Nurse: Ms. Devereaux, you forgot to fill out the name of the father.
Becky: I was artificially inseminated.
Blanche: It was the father's last wish. That and that people should be able to visit Graceland.

Blanche: How you doin', baby?
Becky: I'm scared.
Blanche: Oh, honey, there's nothin' to be afraid of. Just remember, pull, pull. Oh, no. That's skeet shooting. Well, never mind. We'll be just fine. [to Doctor] By the way, the reason that the baby's father isn't here is because he's busy.
Doctor: I read the form. I have a pretty good idea what he's busy doing.