Dorothy: Oh, I don't believe this. This has to be the most depressing day of my life. First, Edna McCarthy's funeral, now this.
Blanche: You know, being at her funeral today made me start thinking about how quickly life can pass you by. Maybe I ought to be more adventurous in my life.
Dorothy: More adventurous? The Kamasutra had to publish a supplement because of you.
Blanche: I'm not talking about men, I'm talking about things I've always wanted to do, but never got around to trying. Dorothy, didn't you ever have something you wanted to do, some kind of secret desire you always kept on the back burner?
Dorothy: I always wanted to try a nudist camp.
Stationmaster: Some big pots belong on the back burner.
Dorothy: Don't you have a cousin you should be dating?

Dorothy: Besides, everything'll work out fine as long as I do not have to sleep with Rose.
Rose: Me? Why don't you want to sleep with me?
Dorothy: Well, honey, for starters, you talk in your sleep.
Sophia: And let's face it, you're no Dick Cavett awake.

Rose: Ooh, this kitchen smells terrific. My chipped beef must be done. Oh, Sophia, would you like a little scoop on some lightly-toasted bread.
Sophia: Who do I look like, Beetle Bailey?

Dorothy: Girls, my Uncle Vito is coming to Miami for a visit and he's going to staying with us. He arrives Thursday. He's gonna stay a whole week.
Rose: Where's he gonna stay?
Dorothy: He can take my room. I'll double up with Ma.
Rose: I was going to stay with you. My cousin Milo's coming, don't you remember? He's gonna be in town for the 14th Annual Hog Expo.
Dorothy: Is it the 14th Annual already? It seems just like yesterday it was the 12th Annual. Sunrise, sunset... Sunrise, sunset.
Blanche: Dorothy, now cut it out.

Blanche: Listen, did you hear that sound?
Sophia: Yeah. And as long as I'm in my own bed, I'll do what I want.
Blanche: I mean, it sounded like the heat kicking on.
Sophia: Thank God. Get back to your own beds.

Dorothy: Excuse me. What track does the 9:15 to Miami leave on?
Stationmaster: Ma'am, we've only got one track. But we call it track 19. Nobody knows why, but it gives everybody something to talk about while they're waiting on the next tornado to hit their mobile home.
Dorothy: Thank you very much. Oh, and please say hello to Opie and Aunt Bee for me when you see them.

Dorothy: Ma. Ma, you'll never guess who I was just on the phone with.
Sophia: Uncle Vito.
Dorothy: How did you know?
Sophia: I picked up the phone and listened in. It's a little thing I do.

Rose: She's working great now except for one little thing. I turned the air conditioner on, instead of the heater, and now it won't go off.
Blanche: Great. Now it's going to be colder inside than it is outside.
Rose: I think you're right. There's an icicle forming on the nose of my bunny slippers.

Sophia: Let's just get some sleep.
Dorothy: Good night, Ma. Good night, Moe. Good night, Larry.

Blanche: Sophia, when's that food going to be ready to taste?
Rose: Oh, my chipped beef is ready.
Blanche: Oh, well, I was more in the mood for something hot, Rose.
Rose: Mine's hot.
Blanche: Well, I was more in the mood for something spicy.
Rose: Mine's spicy.
Sophia: She was more in the mood for something that wouldn't test her gag reflex.