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‘Bedtime Story’ Quotes Page 1 of 4

The Golden Girls: Bedtime Story

217. Bedtime Story

Aired February 7, 1987

As the girls worry about having to share beds when their family members come to visit, they reminisce about some uncomfortable nights they've had together.

Quote from Rose

Rose: Please, Blanche, please. I'm too scared to go back to my room. This kind of thing has always frightened me, ever since I was a little girl, when I first heard my parents whispering about the St. Olaf slasher.
Blanche: Slasher?
Rose: Yes. Oh, he terrorized St. Olaf for months. In the dark of night, he'd sneak into an unsuspecting farmer's field and mercilessly slash his scarecrow to shreds.
Blanche: He was a scarecrow slasher?
Rose: Primarily. Although he was suspected in the disfigurement of several whisk brooms. Oh, I was so scared at night, I'd sleep in the closet so he couldn't find me.

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Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Oh, girls, girls, can I please share your electric blanket?
Dorothy & Sophia: No.
Blanche: Oh, come on. I can't sleep. My bed's never been so cold. Especially on a Saturday night.

Quote from Blanche

Rose: What are you doing?
Blanche: I am contouring my eyebrows. I use Miss Christie Brinkley as a guide 'cause we have the exactly same bone structure. I just hope she doesn't go to pot after that baby comes. I don't want that big-eyed husband of hers coming after me.
Rose: I never do very much with my eyebrows.
Blanche: That's why, from the nose up, you look like Wilfred Brimley.

Quote from Blanche

Rose: What a terrible night that was.
Blanche: Oh, it wasn't so bad. Something good did come out of it. I dated Floppo the clown for several months after that. You know, his feet really were that big. Which, of course, as I'm sure you're both aware, means...

Quote from Sophia

Rose: I'm not going to be able to sleep. I'm on the wrong side of the bed.
Blanche: Well, I usually sleep on the right side and I wanna be on the right side.
Sophia: What the hell is everyone so particular about? In Sicily, four in a bed is a treat. It means half your family is on vacation. I slept with my two brothers until I was 17. I was engaged to one for a very short period of time. But that's a separate story.

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: What are you doing?
Rose: I've been tinkering with the heater trying to get it to work.
Dorothy: Oh, Rose, you're a genius.
Sophia: Boy, that's a sentence you don't hear every day.

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: Sophia, what are you doing up?
Sophia: I'm cooking. I couldn't sleep.
Blanche: Me neither. What are you making?
Sophia: Sausage and peppers, pasta pesto, and ziti with oil and garlic.
Blanche: Ooh. Ooh. And what's this?
Sophia: Garbage. Rose cooked it.

Quote from Blanche

Rose: I do not talk in my sleep.
Blanche: Oh, yes, you do too. And you snore.
Rose: No, I don't.
Rose: Dorothy snores.
Blanche: Oh, that's right. Dorothy, you snore worse than a sailor passed out at an adult motel after a night of unbridled passion while I called a cab to take me ho... Never mind. The point is, you snore.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Salvadore, if you wanna fool around, take off your T-shirt. You're gonna get linguine all over me.
Dorothy: Ma. Ma, go back to sleep. It's just me. Dorothy.
Sophia: Get the hell out of my bed.
Dorothy: Ma, have a heart. The heat went out again. I'm freezing to death. You're the only one who has an electric blanket.
Sophia: I'll die under here with you. Your body is like a heat sponge. You'll suck up the heat and I'll get up in the morning a frozen fish stick.
Dorothy: Ma, don't be ridiculous. Just turn up the heat.
Sophia: It's already on nine. On ten you can cook a Lean Cuisine.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: You know, Ma, this reminds me of the time the heat went out in our old apartment back in Brooklyn. I was about, oh, seven years old, 'cause I was still sleeping with my rag doll Mrs Doolittle. I remember I woke up in the night with my teeth chattering. I got out of bed and tiptoed to your bedroom door. I opened it a crack and I whispered, "Mommy, Mrs. Doolittle is cold." "Mommy, Mrs Doolittle-"
Sophia: Dorothy?
Dorothy: Yes, Ma.
Sophia: Cut the crap, I'm not in the mood.

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