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‘And Then There Was One’ Quotes

The Golden Girls: And Then There Was One

216. And Then There Was One

Aired January 31, 1987

When the girls agree to babysit the children of runners in a local marathon, a baby is left behind and feared abandoned. Blanche sees the little girl as an opportunity to make up for her mistakes as a mother.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma, are you sure about this?
Sophia: I'm not even sure I have these pants on right.
Dorothy: Listen, I want you to go slow and pace yourself.
Sophia: That's what I used to tell your father. The only thing he did faster than eat was make love. And in both cases, before I was finished, he'd pat his stomach and say, "I've had enough."

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Quote from Rose

Rose: Being abandoned is the worst. I know. I was almost abandoned.
Dorothy: Almost?
Rose: I was nine. It was the last night of the Deep-Root Vegetable Carnival, and I was having the greatest time. Eating candied turnips and guessing how many sweet potatoes were in the glass jar. Bobbing for yams. I had a knack of always coming up with the firmest, most appealing yams.
Blanche: I was once told I had the firmest, most appealing gams.
Dorothy: Blanche, try and stay with us.
Rose: Anyway, the last time I surfaced, clutching a humdinger of a yam between my teeth, my parents were gone. Frantically, I searched the carnival grounds. I was convinced I'd spend the rest of my days with the bearded lady as my foster mother, and the man who hoses down the elephants as my dad. Anyway, I was lost. And scared. But then I did what generations before me had done. I gazed up into that dark night sky and found the bright star that could guide me home.
Dorothy: The North Star.
Rose: Actually, it was the Texaco star. From a service station across the street. Our farm was just down the road from it.
Dorothy: Rose, honey, have you been washing the fruit off before you eat it?

Quote from Rose

Rose: Oh, this is gonna be great. I love charities. In fact, I helped establish the Henry Fjord Foundation.
Dorothy: The Fjord Foundation?
Blanche: Yes, Dorothy. You know, that's the man who built the Fjord Fjalcon.
Rose: Henry Fjord was a saint. He dedicated his whole life to eliminating pond scum from Lake St. Olaf. His son, however, was a big disappointment. Henry Fjord Junior. He didn't want to follow in his father's footsteps. He thought scum was beneath him.
Sophia: You know, I just realized the best reason of all to join this walkathon.
Dorothy: What's that, Ma?
Sophia: I'd get away from this ditz for a whole day.

Quote from Sophia

Rose: Sophia, how did you do?
Sophia: Great. Easily a personal best.
Blanche: Oh, tell us what happened.
Sophia: It was electric. The starter fired his pistol into the air and, like a shot, I left half my competition in the dust.
Rose: You were that fast?
Sophia: No, it was the over-80s category. Most of them dropped from fright.
Rose: You're kidding.
Sophia: Please. There's a natural build to these kind of stories.
Rose: Sorry.
Sophia: So, finally, the race was underway. I start off slow. I'm cagey, like a panther. But when the time is right, I pounce. The crowd is on its feet. "Sophia. Sophia." My heart is pounding in my ears. But then again, it always pounds in my ears. I could see the finish line. It was only 200-300 yards away. And then it happened. What every runner dreads. I hit the wall.
Dorothy: Ma, you ran out of steam.
Sophia: No, I actually hit a wall. They put up a new Wendy's on Collins Avenue. From what they told me, I picked myself up, staggered over the finish line and collapsed. People are talking the covers of national magazines.

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: Fine. But if she's gonna stay another couple of days, we'd better get more diapers and food.
Rose: I'm thawing some pork chops.
Blanche: Honey, she only has two teeth. How is she supposed to eat a pork chop?
Rose: My Uncle Lester only had one tooth, and he could eat corn on the cob. Of course, he didn't get a lot of it into his mouth. So they'd cream what fell on his pants, and he'd eat it later.

Quote from Blanche

Rose: I used to love to change diapers.
Dorothy: Face it, Rose. You march to a different drummer.
Blanche: I didn't exactly hate changing diapers, but I was never any good at it. Especially with the boys. They always had dry bottoms but wet T-shirts, cos I forgot to point their little ooh-hoos south.
Dorothy: You know, I didn't even think about that until Michael was at least six months old.
Rose: What's an ooh-hoo?
Dorothy: It's a chocolate soft drink.
Rose: I never had one.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Good morning, Ma. Hey, what are you eating?
Sophia: Linguini with clam sauce.
Dorothy: Who eats linguini with clam sauce for breakfast?
Sophia: Mother Teresa. It's a recipe from her new workout book.

Quote from Sophia

Rose: What are you eating, Sophia?
Sophia: Linguini with clam sauce.
Rose: For breakfast?
Blanche: Morning. What's that you're eating, Sophia?
Sophia: It's incredible. Three hundred and sixty four days a year I could be gagging on a peach, but nobody would notice.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Come on, now, ma, what's really going on? You don't usually eat pasta for breakfast.
Sophia: I'm carbohydrate loading. I signed up for the charity walkathon.
Dorothy: Ma, are you nuts? I mean, this is for people who walk a lot.
Sophia: So what do I do, hover? I've been walking since 1904. Besides, they have a category for people over 80.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Rose, I work all week. The last thing I want to do is walk ten miles on a Saturday.
Rose: We won't be walking, we'll sit.
Blanche: Fine by me. I like to sit.
Sophia: We know. It's your second-favorite position.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: There's got to be something else we can do.
Rose: Blanche, it'll be easy. The children are dropped off in the morning and they're picked up by four in the afternoon.
Blanche: Now, there's something here. How about sponging?
Dorothy: What's that?
Blanche: It says here, "Spongers help cool off the walkers by sponging and rubbing down their hot bodies as they pump their way through greater Miami."
Dorothy: It doesn't make much sense, does it, Blanche? I mean, get 'em all hot and then cool them down.
Blanche: Dorothy, I swear, sometimes you can read my mind.

Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: Norman, what would you like to do?
Norman: Well, I like army men.
Blanche: Oh, there was a colonel here on Tuesday, but he had to go back to the base.
Dorothy: Blanche, I think he means those little guys with the helmets.
Blanche: Oh, I'm sorry, I only date officers.

Quote from Rose

Rose: Norman, would you like to play with the potato head?
Norman: Sure. What do you feel like doing?

Quote from Rose

Rose: Are the babies asleep yet?
Dorothy: No, they're pretending. They're waiting for me to leave so they can make fun of the way I change a diaper.
Rose: Oh, Dorothy, that's silly. I bet they have only nice things to say about you.
Dorothy: Rose, I wasn't serious. I know babies can't talk.
Rose: Oh, yes, they can. It's just that they're only understood by other babies. And, of course, advanced civilizations far, far away.
Dorothy: Like where, Rose? Vero Beach?

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: That boy hates me.
Dorothy: No, he doesn't. But he's right about the outfit.
Blanche: Dorothy, you don't understand. I've just never felt comfortable around children. And they can sense it.
I guess it's cos I was never really a child myself. I mean, from the time I entered school, I always behaved like a mature, young lady. Why I was the only girl in the fifth grade whose boyfriend had a fake ID. I guess if you're going to relate to a child, it helps to have the mind of a child.
[Rose marches through the backyard with the children]
Rose: I'm the leader of the garbage man band.
Dorothy: Blanche, where would you get a crazy idea like that?

Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: Blanche, every time I turn around, you're holding the baby.
Blanche: It's amazing. Every time I pick her up, she goes to sleep.
Dorothy: You shouldn't do that. The baby won't get used to sleeping alone.
Blanche: Well, you never get used to sleeping alone. I haven't.
Dorothy: Please. Siamese twins sleep alone more than you do.

Quote from Dorothy

Rose: Isn't this amazing? When the diapers get dirty, the cute little teddy bears disappear.
Dorothy: That's not amazing. Whenever my kids' diapers got dirty, my husband would disappear.

Quote from Rose

Rose: My mother always used to say, "The older you get, the better you get. Unless you're a banana."

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: You know, this reminds me of when I was a young mother. Maybe it's because you look just a tad like my children. Or maybe it's because I still look like I'm 27. My, my, how those years did fly by. It seemed like before I knew it, the children were cleaning out the attic to start their own places. And while I tried to be happy for them, I have to say I was sadder than I ever remember being. Why? Well because I realized, too late, that I'd put myself ahead of my children. Now, I've never had the chance to make up all the time I didn't spend with them. Why am I telling you this? I don't know. Maybe it's because, deep down, I wish you were really mine. So I could try it again with what I now know.

Quote from Blanche

Rose: I didn't hear her, but I did hear Emily.
Blanche: I have to say, it's a lot nicer having a baby wake you up than a garbage man.
Blanche: I never slept with one, I wouldn't know.

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: What do you think she needs?
Sophia: A chin.
Dorothy: Ma, babies don't have chins. It makes it easier to breast-feed.
Sophia: You had a chin. But then, we also showed home movies on your forehead.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: You're absolutely right, Dorothy. And I'll tell you something else. A mother sometimes needs her children even more.
Dorothy: Thank you, Ma. That's very sweet.
Sophia: Give me $20.
Dorothy: No.
Sophia: Rose, did I say a mother needs a child? I meant roommate. Give me $20.
Rose: What for?
Sophia: Seoul, Korea, 1988. The Olympics. I'd like to be there competing for the USA. Contribute now, and I'll make sure you get you a Sophia lapel pin.
Rose: OK. Good luck. We'll be watching.
Sophia: Thanks. And Dorothy, if Gladys calls, tell her I'll be able to make bingo tonight.


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