Blanche: Well, maybe I made a mistake, but I don't think I did anything so terrible.
Rose: Well, I do! There is a sweet, innocent man whose heart is gonna get broken because you decided to use him in one of your petty games.
Blanche: Rose, that's only one side of it. Look at the other side. He did get to kiss me.
Dorothy: Big deal. More people get to kiss you than the Pope's ring.

Rose: Oh, good. I got caught up at work and I barely had time to pick up a cake. I wanted to make Sven feel welcome.
Blanche: Rose, that cake is from the "Get it While it's Hot" erotic bake shop.
Dorothy: Whoa!
Blanche: Why, Rose Nylund! Why, that cake is in the shape...
Dorothy: Blanche, we know what it is.
Rose: I thought it was in the shape of Florida.

Rose: On Saturday he's flying back to St. Olaf to meet his fiancée.
Blanche: Oh, she went all alone?
Rose: No, he's never met her. It's an arranged marriage. See, little Sven's father, we call him Big Sven, left the old country two years ago and settled in St. Olaf. Then he sent for the rest of his family. First he brought his father over. We call him "Big Sven," too.
Blanche: Well, doesn't that get confusing, having two Big Svens?
Rose: There aren't, Blanche. There's Big Sven and Big Sven II. Like Jaws and Jaws II.
Dorothy: Rose, are any of your relatives named Psycho and Psycho II?

Rose: Blanche, you have to go in there and talk to him.
Blanche: I will, I will. It's just that I'm not very good at it. I was blessed with one talent, turning men on. I've just never known how to turn them off. You tell him, Dorothy.
Dorothy: I would, Blanche, but remember, we just want to turn him off, not drain the sex drive completely out of him!

Blanche: You know, I've always had this trouble ever since high school. I was the head cheerleader and I was dating our star quarterback, Calwell Honeycutt. Well, time came to break up but I just could not tell Calwell to his face. I couldn't bear to inflict that much grief and suffering on one man. So I finally decided that the best way to handle it was just to lead my girls in a farewell cheer. Two-four-six-eight, who will Blanche no longer date? Calwell.
Dorothy: Did he get the message, or did the band have to spell out "buzz off' at half-time?

Sophia: Dorothy, I want a driver's license.
Dorothy: What for?
Sophia: I'm doing a lot of stuntwork in the new Burt Reynolds movie. Why do you think?
Dorothy: Come on, Ma, you haven't driven in years. Why is this coming up now?
Sophia: This morning at the center, Gladys Weinstock and I had a fight. We both claim we're natural redheads, but of course at our age we can't prove it anymore.

Dorothy: I don't know, it seems so unfair to me, an arranged marriage.
Rose: Oh, I don't know, Dorothy. I think it can be fun.
Blanche: George and I had that kind of marriage. George would dress up as a ghost and chase me around the house with one of those little fly swatters. Then when he caught me, he'd...
Dorothy: Blanche, I'm talking about arranged marriages not deranged marriages.

Rose: Good morning, girls. I didn't sleep a wink last night worrying about Blanche and Sven.
Dorothy: Rose, this is between the two of them.
Rose: No, it isn't. I'm supposed to get Sven on a plane today. That's why I called big Sven early this morning to ask him what to do. I knew he'd be up, he gets up with the cows. I know he gets up with the cows because he sleeps with the cows.

Dorothy: Oh, all right, Ma, we'll give it a try. But, Ma, if anything goes wrong we stop.
Sophia: Relax. There are some things you never forget. Driving a car is like making love. In both cases, a mirror makes objects appear larger than they really are.

Blanche: That reminds me, I've got to give Charlie Milburne a call.
Dorothy: If this cake reminds you of Charlie Milburne, we could both give him a call.