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‘Brotherly Love’ Quotes

The Golden Girls: Brotherly Love

308. Brotherly Love

Aired November 14, 1987

Dorothy and Blanche regret getting involved with Stan's successful younger brother, Ted. Meanwhile, Rose has trouble sleeping.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Floozy.
Blanche: Tramp.
Dorothy: I? [laughing] I am a tramp? Blanche, have you heard the latest ad campaigns? Join the Navy, see the world, sleep with Blanche Devereaux? Join the Army, be all you can be, and sleep with Blanche Devereaux? The Marines are looking for a few good men who have not slept with Blanche Devereaux.

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Quote from Rose

Blanche: Honey, have you tried drinking warm milk before going to bed?
Rose: No, I can't drink warm milk. It reminds me of the time Cousin Enoch fell into the vat of milk at the dairy.
Blanche: Goodness. Was he hurt?
Rose: Oh, no. In fact, it began the annual tradition of the St. Olaf milk diving tournament. I won three times in the low fat division. Eventually they discontinued the event when several spectators were caught dipping their Oreo cookies in the winter swim trunks. [doorbell]
Dorothy, Blanche & Sophia: I'll get it.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Ted, what a surprise!
Ted: It's great to see you again.
Stan: What about me, babe?
Dorothy: Go hug a landmine.

Quote from Rose

Rose: I can't sleep.
Blanche: Try counting sheep.
Rose: I can't count sheep, I'm allergic to wool. I got to 23 and I broke out in hives. That's when I started counting the members of the Jackson family. Michael, Janet, LaToya, Tito,
Blanche: Rose!
Rose: And then there's Stonewall Jackson but I don't remember him on the Victory Tour.

Quote from Rose

Rose: Four nights in a row and I still can't sleep.
Sophia: Please, I haven't had a decent nights sleep since I was 70.
Rose: You're right, I shouldn't complain. I mean, four nights is nothing compared to Elsa Yuderruden back in St.
Olaf. She stayed awake for 17 straight days in a rocking chair marathon. Of course, she couldn't have done it without moral support of her children and her husband. And his cattle prod.

Quote from Sophia

Stan: Morning, ladies. Hey, the way you leave that back door open, any idiot could walk in here.
Sophia: Any idiot did.

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: Rose, have you been drinking much of this?
Rose: Only at night when I can't sleep.
Dorothy: This is loaded with caffeine.
Rose: But we need caffeine, especially women our age. Or our bones will get brittle and we'll walk all stooped over.
Dorothy: That's calcium, Rose. Calcium, not caffeine. This is what has been keeping you awake.
Rose: You mean, if I stop drinking that, I can sleep?
Dorothy: You may even blink again.

Quote from Rose

Blanche: Rose. Oh, Rose. Honey, did you finally get to sleep? Wake up, I have to talk to someone.
Rose: Oh, not now, I wanna sleep.
Blanche: No, Rose, listen, Dorothy's so upset with me, and I don't blame her after all those things I said.
Rose: Mmm.
Blanche: You know, I just don't see how I'll ever face her again. Rose, listen. Listen. Am I a terrible person?
Rose: I don't know. Who are you?
Blanche: It's me, Blanche.
Rose: Oh, Blanche. You're not a terrible person. You're just horny all the time.

Quote from Sophia

Stan: Hi, it's me Stan.
Sophia: What do you want?
Stan: I have a surprise for Dorothy.
Sophia: What? Now that you're off the blood pressure medicine it's working again?
Stan: My God, Sophia. Is there anything Dorothy didn't tell you about us?
Sophia: Actually, yes. I didn't know she was pregnant until four days after the wedding.

Quote from Sophia

Ted: Hi, Sophia. Remember me, Stan's brother Ted? I danced with you at their wedding.
Sophia: Where were you when the got divorced? I was looking for someone to dance with then.

Quote from Rose

Stan: Blanche, Rose, this is my little brother Ted.
Blanche: Charmed I'm sure. Oh, there's my new Vanity Fair.
Stan: He just flew in from Minneapolis.
Rose: Minneapolis, Minnesota?
Sophia: No, Rose, Minneapolis, France.
Rose: Oh, I'm from Minnesota.
Ted: I'm from Minnesota, too.
Rose: Then you just moved to France?
Dorothy: Welcome to my life.

Quote from Dorothy

Rose: It's nice meeting you, Ted, but I have to go to work.
Ted: What do you do?
Dorothy: She's Gary Hart's campaign manager. It doesn't pay much but you don't have to get out of bed to do it.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: So, uh, Ted, did I hear someone say you were a doctor?
Stan: He's not just a doctor. He happens to be one of the top neurosurgeons in the midwest.
Blanche: Get out of here.
Stan: He's also heavy into real estate.
Ted: No, it's nothing much really. I just own a few mini-malls.
Blanche: Oh, your wife must be very proud of you.
Ted: Actually, we're divorced.
Blanche: Oh, I'm terribly, terribly sorry. [Blanche gets up, walks over to the couch and squeezes between Ted and Dorothy] Love your shirt.
Dorothy: Nice segueway, Blanche.

Quote from Blanche

Ted: Well, goodnight, Blanche.
Blanche: Well, what's your hurry. Why don't you come in for a nightcap.
Ted: Oh, I don't want to put you out.
Blanche: I like to put out. ... I mean, it's no trouble.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: How was your date with Blanche?
Ted: Oh, I don't know. Maybe I'm old-fashioned but when I was dating, the man used to make all the moves.
Dorothy: How many men have you dated? No, I know what you meant and I'll tell you, I don't think that's old-fashioned. I think it's kind of nice.
Ted: How did you spend your evening?
Dorothy: Parent-teacher meetings. Five hours of saying things like, "Well, your little Betty is a joy but she's going to have to trim her mohawk if wants to play Mary in the Christmas play."

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Okay, that's it. Drink this. It's a secret potion from the old country guaranteed to put you to sleep.
Rose: Looks like milk.
Sophia: Trust me, Rose. Drink it. Slowly. That's right, down the hatch. [grabbing a pan out of the cupboard] We call this Sicilian Sominex. [Sophia stands behind Rose with the pan] Now, you might feel a slight tingling. But, believe me, you'll sleep like a baby. [Sophia lines up the pan]
Rose: I don't feel any tingling, when's it gonna hit me?
Blanche: Sophia! What are you doing?
Sophia: I was making a soufflé and it got away from me.

Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: I can't believe what just happened.
Blanche: I think you owe me an explanation.
Dorothy: Well, Ted and I-
Blanche: I don't have to stand here and listen to this. [storms out]

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma, don't give me that look.
Sophia: What look?
Dorothy: I didn't do anything wrong. Ted and I just talked last night.
Sophia: Right, and the Godfather made all his money selling olive oil.

Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: Blanche, I didn't steal your date. Ted told me that you had absolutely nothing in common.
Blanche: Well, obviously. He's dull, boring and has dubious taste, to say the least.
Dorothy: If that is some schoolgirl attempt to get my goat you're wasting your breath.
Blanche: I'm simply questioning how any man could possibly choose you over me.
Dorothy: It's not working, Blanche.
Blanche: I suppose there could be some exceptions. Convicts who haven't seen a woman in 25 years...
Dorothy: It's still not working, you bimbo.
Blanche: How childish to resort to name calling, you Jezebel.

Quote from Rose

Rose: I've gotta get to the counseling center.
Dorothy: Honey, come on, take the day off. Call them.
Rose: But those people need me.
Dorothy: What good can you possibly be to them?
Rose: Well, I'll be there, I'll smile, I'll nod. Fortunately, a lot of them hear voices. I'll just tell them one of them is mine.

Quote from Dorothy

Ted: I met this great looking stewardess on the flight and I asked her to go to Acapulco and she could only go if I found a sitter for her two kids. [to Dorothy] Hey, I'd really appreciate it.
Dorothy: Come again.
Ted: They are great kids. One of them plays with matches and stuff, but you don't smoke, do you?
Stan: Teddy, you old stud.
Ted: Hey, hey, hey. I mean, you hang around the master long enough, you're gonna pick up a few tricks.
Dorothy: Listen, uh Ted, I hate to interrupt... What was all that sweet talk about your having a crush on me?
Ted: Well, I did, but that was a long time ago.
Dorothy: Yeah, but... What about last night?
Ted: Well, I'll always remember last night as a very special evening.
Dorothy: It was. It was a very special evening. And that's why I'm going to keep that deep dark secret about yourself that you told me strictly between the two of us.
Ted: Uh, thank you, I appreciate it.
Dorothy: Don't mention it. Good night, Ted. And goodbye. Goodbye.
Host: Collins, party of two, please.
Dorothy: Oh, uh, may I borrow this for a minute? [over p.a.] Uh, ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please. The gentleman at table five in the blue suit is impotent. Bon appetit.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Rose, honey. Are you awake?
Rose: I don't know.
Dorothy: Oh, that's good enough. I need to talk to someone. Rose, it's been a terrible night. Ted turned out to be as big a jerk as Blanche said he was.
Rose: Ted who?
Dorothy: Never mind. How did I let myself get involved? I mean, how could I allow a man to come between me and my best friend. Blanche is never gonna forgive me.
Blanche: I forgive you.
Dorothy: Where did you come from?
Blanche: Oh, I was hiding behind the drapes.
Dorothy: What is this, Hamlet?

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Rose? Don't worry. I finally found something to put you to sleep.
Blanche: She's asleep already, Sophia.
Sophia: What? After I spent all day making her this Sicilian sleeping potion?
Dorothy: Oh, Ma, come on.
Sophia: Hey, this saved my Uncle Giuseppe's life. One swig and he slept through the Allied invasion.
Dorothy: Ma, that's ridiculous.
Sophia: Here, take a sip.
[Dorothy takes a sip, passes the glass to Blanche and then falls back onto Rose's bed]
Sophia: Wow, this stuff really works. I've gotta remember what I put in this. [exits]
Dorothy: [getting up] Takes so little to make her happy. Good night, Blanche.
Blanche: Good night, Dorothy.
Dorothy: Rose, good- [Dorothy collapses to the floor]
Blanche: Dorothy? Dorothy?


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