Adam: Okay, let's go over Operation Ditch Dad one more time.
Barry: Okay! When we arrive, we immediately ask Dad to buy us a ton of WrestleMania merch.
Adam: And then we head over to this food station and have Dad buy us each a giant 64-ounce Slushie.
Barry: Then his bladder will fill, and he'll have to rush to the restroom.
Adam: At that point, we go to the other side of the cage and exchange our tickets with some jacked wrestling bros.
Barry: Then Dad will return to his seat, see the jacked bros, be enraged and confused, and decide to take a nap in his car.
Adam: It's utterly foolproof. You know, unless our dad actually wants to spend time with us.
Barry: We're talking about our dad actually being a dad?
Adam: And maybe we should actually enjoy the day as if we were regular kids who know love from a male figure in their lives.
Barry: And he won't embarrass us and it'll actually be fun?

Essie: Please tell me you're here to call a truce.
Linda: And that I can have my son back.
Virginia: Or did you come here to call us beefy jelly-bellies and shame us?
Beverly: Virginia was closest. [chuckles] Here's a detailed list of infractions your watch failed to prevent.
Virginia: Beverly, just let it go.
Beverly: November 8th, teens skateboarding in street with boom boxes blaring. BevWatch sprays them with garden hose, assures them, "There's more where that came from."
Linda: You're just being petty and jealous.
Beverly: When it comes to the safety of this neighborhood, there is no length I won't go to.

Barry: Holy crap! Dad, these seats are amazing.
Adam: And Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant are about to face off in arguably the most famous match in wrestling history, now or ever!
Murray: [whoops] Wrestling with my boys! Coming off the top rope for a hug!
Barry: [laughing] Whoa. Mm! That was a fun interaction. [to Adam] Dad's being super weird and affectionate, and I kinda love it.
Adam: He's being the father we've always wanted. It's really off-putting.

Man: Yo, I think you're in our seats.
Murray: Nah, nah, nah, pal. We're all good. [flashes tickets]
Man: These are fake.
Adam: No, they're not. [scoffs] Oh, balls! "WhistleMania, a whistling competition."
Barry: What? Whistling? That's for tea kettles and letting a lady know she's pretty.
Man: Come on. Let's go.
Murray: No! No way! We're not leaving.

Adam: Oh! It's starting! And we're gonna miss it all!
Barry: And to think, we actually felt guilty about ditching you!
Murray: Wait, you were gonna ditch me even though I bought you tickets?
Adam: You didn't buy us tickets. These are fakes.
Barry: If you really wanted to spend time with us, you'd know we hate whistling.

Murray: You wanna know why I did it? Because I had a health thing, okay? My doctor scared the hell out of me.
Adam: Wait. What? Dad, are you okay?
Murray: I'm fine. But it made me realize I'm not gonna be around forever, and I wanted to make some memories with you guys. At least one memory.
Security Guard: Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to come with me.
Murray: Well, since you were gonna ditch me, I can assume you'll find a ride home.

Jane: I'm sorry. I just felt so... threatened by you! You are so smart and cunning, and you were gonna steal the neighborhood watch from me. I had to do something!
Beverly: You thought I was gonna steal the watch? That is the sweetest thing I've ever heard.
Essie: Is it?
Jane: I mean, you are the neighborhood badass. I just wanted to walk in your shoes for a moment.
Beverly: You would destroy your own property for power? [exhales sharply] That is the kind of person I need on my watch.
Essie: Is it?
Jane: What are you saying?
Beverly: I'm saying, let's join forces and teach each other how to be nightmares together.
Jane: I would love that. [Beverly & Jane hug] Oh, get over here, you moldy old peaches.

Barry: Hey, Dad. Can we hang with you?
Murray: Whatever. It's a free country.
Adam: We just want to let you know, we're sorry we were gonna ditch you.
Barry: And even though we didn't see the match, we did see something even better... You trying to get into wrestling for us.
Adam: But there's one thing we love even more than wrestling... You.
Barry: So let's do stuff together, no matter how embarrassing.
Murray: You know what? I guess I'd like that.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] That's the thing about spending time with your family. Sometimes the smallest change will make the biggest difference. And sometimes it takes a no-holds-barred grudge match to find out who your friends really are. We never went to see WrestleMania again, but we started a new tradition. Every year, we'd sit with our dad and watch it on TV. And looking back, it was the best. Because it's those everyday moments you take for granted that truly, truly mean the most.

Barry: Okay, this is a Royal Rumble, no-holds-barred cage match. You can expect no mercy and several butt hats.
Adam: Great. One thing, I brought backup.
Hulk Hogan: Tag me in, brother.
Barry: Hulk Hogan? Oh, no.
Adam: Now go wreck my brother, brother.
Hulk Hogan: The Hulkster obliges, brother.
Barry: No! Self-sleeper hold! [body thuds]
Hulk Hogan: You got a weird brother, brother.