Barry: Dad won't let me quit, but Captain Wallace is super demanding and angry. He called me worthless!
Beverly: Are you [beep] kidding me?
Barry: I know, right.
Beverly: Worthless? Well, obviously he's never seen you ride a tandem bicycle with your mother.
Barry: I was doing most of the peddling.
Beverly: Are you sure he called you worthless? Maybe he called you wonderful.
Barry: No.

Beverly: According to the school handbook, any parent is permitted on school grounds to tend to the wellbeing of their child. That gives me the legal right to be my son's wing-mom.
ROTC Co-ordinator: Beverly: Wing-mom.
ROTC Co-ordinator: Beverly: Oh, it is.

Beverly: You can't go on a secret mission. They won't let you call home. And they don't know what kind of cheese binds you up.

Beverly: Don't worry, snuggie boo. I'll get you out. Now, drop and give me twenty ... huggies!

Beverly: What is it, snuggle monster?
Barry: I joined the military. Boom!
Beverly: What's that now?

Barry: I just need you to sign this permission slip.
Beverly: Absolutely not. Being a soldier is number one on my list of jobs too dangerous for my children.

Barry: This is nuts. Pops was in the army.
Beverly: And he is a hero. Couldn't be prouder of him.
Barry: But I want to be a hero.
Beverly: And you can be as an orthodontist. Or a Maitre'D. Or as one of those guys who tests pillows for softness.

Pops: Where you going?
Adam: To my other grandpa. The one who'd never leave me.
Pops: Pop-Pop? You really want to replace me with that spiteful old bastard?

Pops: Who is this Frankie and why does he want me to relax?

Pops: Come on, pal. Pops says relax.
Adam: Don't you use that catchphrase against me. I will not relax!