Beverly: Wow, I am being rejected by two people who were tethered to my body for nine months by a food cord. That's right, everything I ate you got a tiny mushed up version of. Everything!

Barry: You know that thing mom does when she storms out of the car and you have to beg her to get back in?
Pops: Oh yeah, the big guns.
Barry: Well, we left her on the side of the road like an old mattress. Boom!

Beverly: I'm going to die one day, but have fun with your friends.

Erica: Pops, if your thing was so simple, we would have done it a long time ago.
Pops: You're right. I'm just a silly, old man. I should just go home, ball up my socks, and go to bed.
Erica: No. I'm sorry.
Barry: Don't do that. We love you.
Pops: It's not real! Don't feel!

Adam: Isn't there some private executive washroom with scented soaps instead of a giant metal river of wizz?

Murray: Hello, wonderful family who I'm not going to be seeing for next six, glorious hours.

Beverly: Here I go. I'll probably get flattened by a truck. Not that you'll care.

Erica: Is our mom okay?
Officer: She's fine. I gave her a lift. Luckily for her, I driving down Old York Road and was temporarily blinded by the sunlight reflecting off her bejeweled jacket.
Barry: Where is she?
Officer: In the back of my cruiser with a little pack of tissues. She's pretty certain she failed as a mother.
Erica: I know this looks bad, but you have to understand, she uses guilt to get her way.
Officer: So she's like every mom? Except in this case, you abandoned her on the side of the road. Shame on you. Shame.

Beverly: I have one thing to say to you. That was [beep] up.

Pops: Have you ever wondered why they love hanging out with me so much? Because I don't force them to. Also, I'm pretty frickin' delightful.
Beverly: You are pretty delightful.
Pops: And so are you.