Erica: Mom, if I don't get into CMU, then I'm just gonna skip college to busk on the street like a true artist.
Beverly: So, what am I supposed to tell people? "Oh, there's my daughter, singing next to a hobo who's going pishy another hobo."

Adam: This is crazy. You really think Adam West is the better Batman?
Pops: He's the only Batm'n. And this new fancy movie forgot the best part. Where were the "POWs" and "BAMs" when Batm'n socks the Joker?
Adam: I'm not so sure you need to see big cartoon words when Bat punches a dude.
Pops: We'll just watch the old show, and then you'll see what I'm talking about.

Barry: What the hell?!
Pops: Oh, no.
Adam: Balls.
Barry: Balls is right, man.
Adam: Who exactly are you talking to right now?
Barry: You! My neck is just jacked up from sitting in the front row.
Pops: We were bickering about Batm'n, and forgot you were up there.

Beverly: Murray! Your daughter has some huge news. Erica, tell your father all about- Okay, I can't stand it anymore. She said she killed in her interview. Killed!
Murray: Whoo-hoo! That's my peanut.
Erica: Yep, I really made an impression on the Penn State guy. Like, he's never gonna forget me.
Beverly: (laughing) Oh, my God. I'm so happy, I could (bleep).

Erica: Hey.
Kyle Schnitz: Oh, no! She's back.
Erica: It's okay. It's me Erica Goldberg.
Kyle Schnitz: Uh, yeah. I remember. I'm going to my car now, and my secretary knows I'm down here.
Erica: Wait. No. Don't walk away from me. Or run! Don't make me chase you, Schnitz!
Kyle Schnitz: Oh, God. My secretary has no idea where I am. I slipped out to go to my pottery class.
Erica: Look, I know I messed up my interview, but I have my reasons. I only tanked it on purpose out of spite.
Kyle Schnitz: That's even worse than being crazy.
Erica: I'm not crazy, and this proves it. Look at my teacher recommendations! Just look at them! Damn it.
Kyle Schnitz: You are nuts, lady!
Erica: And I have good SATs! Ow!
Kyle Schnitz: I need to get a will.
Erica: And I played soccer in the 10th grade! I was also Model U.N. treasurer!

Pops: See that? It's a camera trick. Th- They shoot it sideways.
Adam: Yeah, I got it.
Pops: Now, this is Batm'n!

Barry: Wait till they get a load of me.
Adam: What'd you say?
Barry: Nothing! Go away now! Wait till they get a load of- Nope. Moment's passed. Damn it.

Mr. Glascott: Hey, folks, no need for alarm, except for the incredibly alarming phone call I just got. It seems that Erica tanked her interview with Penn State, and then attacked the man in a parking garage.
Murray: What?!
Beverly: What have you done, child?!
Erica: It's not my fault. Dad said I had to go to Penn State, and I wanted CMU, and now I have nothing, and, dear Lord, this is a disaster.

Mr. Glascott: Look, you folks can relax because ol' Glascott has the solution.
Murray: Good.
Erica: Thank God.
Beverly: I have failed as a mother.

Barry: For once, Pops is gonna be in my stupid home movie. "Rad: The Barry Goldberg Story."
Adam: No! You can't put that wonderful elderly man in a BMX movie.
Barry: I don't think you'll be stopping me.