Barry: [knocks] Come on, Jo Jo Bean. Please, come out and talk to me.
John Calabasas: Yeah, Jo Jo Bean. If you stay in there another minutes, I can legally charge you for wrongful habitation.
Joanne: [opens door] You know nothing of the law. And you. Let me just get the sequence of events down here. You rented an apartment for yourself without even thinking about me.
Barry: No comment?
John Calabasas: I would like to comment. Yes. Yes, he did.
Joanne: And then you realized you messed up and you tried to convince me to live in this dump!
John Calabasas: How dare you! I know the dump very well. Some of my best friends live in the dump. And this, madame, is slightly better.
Barry: Look, I tried to get my money back first.
Joanne: Oh, so living with me was your third choice?
Barry: I didn't want to make you mad.
Joanne: Oh, so you went through all this trouble to cover up your mistake, rather than having the exact fight we're having right now?
Barry: Well, it is unpleasant. Don't you agree?

Adam: Hello, happy couple! Just solidifying you moved out by dropping off a house warming gift.
Joanne: Barry, do you even want to live with me?
Barry: I don't know what I want.
Joanne: Well, you'll have plenty of time to figure it out when you live here by yourself. And you. I'm a lawyer, and this isn't even a legal place to live. There is lead paint, mold, improper ventilation, and probably Legionnaires' disease.
John Calabasas: Fine. Barry, I never would've rented to you if I knew you knew a lawyer.
Barry: Now everyone is happy and forgiven!
Joanne: No, Barry. I love you, and I don't want you to be taken advantage of. But as far as we're concerned, you have really gone too far this time.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Meanwhile, my mom roped Coach Nick into making Mr. Perott feel jealous.
Coach Nick: You look lovely tonight, Beverly. Your dress is sparkly, like a championship ring.
Beverly: And you... brought two whistles.
Coach Nick: Oh, almost forgot. [puts a whistle around Beverly's neck] My lady.
Mr. Perott: Beverly, you're here?
Beverly: Joe, I didn't see you there. Yes, I'm also co-chaperoning this dance with my big, strapping date, Nick.
Coach Nick: Please, call me Coach Nick.

Andrea: That's weird. I didn't see your name on the sign-up sheet, Beverly.
Beverly: Oh, well, you probably didn't flip it over to the back where I added two extra lines for myself and Coach Nick, Andrea.
Mr. Perott: Does that mean some of us can leave, or...
Beverly: Yeah, I guess so. [chuckles] Andrea, bye-bye.
Andrea: I'd like to stay. I'm enjoying myself.
Beverly: Not too much, I hope. I mean, who chaperones the chaperones? [chuckles] I do.
Mr. Perott: Well, let's just have fun out there, all right?
Coach Nick: That's what losers say. We're gonna win.
Andrea: Win what?
Coach Nick: If you don't know, you've already lost.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] And so began my mom's attempts at getting Mr. Perott's attention. She did everything you do at a high school dance, starting with this classic. [feeds Coach Nick cake]
Coach Nick: Stop. Stop. What are you doing? I'm not supposed to have carbs after 6:00 p.m. Now I have to jumping-jack it off!
Adult Adam: Then she took a swing at good old-fashioned chaperoning.
Beverly: [to Mr. Perott and Andrea] Hey, kids! Not so close. Oh, I thought you were students. [laughs] Well, either way, good rule to live by, huh? Back up a little.
Adult Adam: Of course, there was also the fake laugh.
Coach Nick: And that's why I eat bags of sunflower seeds a day.
Beverly: [laughs] Oh, Coach Nick, you're so funny! You're a laugh riot!
Coach Nick: It's not funny, Beverly. I have a phosphorus deficiency.

Mr. Perott: Bev, stop. What is going on with you?
Beverly: Fine. [whispering] I like you.
Mr. Perott: What was that?
Beverly: [quietly] I think you're neat.
Mr. Perott: I'm not picking that up.
Beverly: [quietly] I have a fondness for you.
Mr. Perott: Maybe just a little louder over the music.
Beverly: [loudly] I like you, okay? [crowd gasps] [music stops]
Mr. Perott: Beverly... [crowd murmuring]
Beverly: [sighs] This was a mistake. I'm sorry. I'll just leave, and you and Andrea can have a good time.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Joanne was incredibly hurt. But there was a new flyer on the kiosk that just might ease her pain.
Joanne: "Lost girlfriend"?
Barry: Maybe you've seen her. She's beautiful and smart and kind and puts up with a lot.
Joanne: Yeah, she does. And a flyer isn't gonna fix everything, Barry.
Barry: But maybe two flyers would. [stapler clicks]
Joanne: "Found, idiot boyfriend."
Barry: Yeah. He was wandering around all sad and miserable 'cause he messed up real bad.

Beverly: Thank you for coming.
Erica: Mom, I'm always here for you.
Beverly: Being single is so new to me. And I clearly don't know what I'm doing.
Erica: Yeah, maybe we didn't give you the best advice. The truth is, dating is hard. And it's gonna be extra hard for you because you're starting over. But give yourself some credit for getting back out there. You are brave and strong. And you are no fool.
Beverly: Well, one thing I know for sure is you are gonna be a great mom to Muriel when some dumb boy breaks her heart.

Erin: They're all so cute, aren't they?
Erica: They are.
Erin: Which one's yours?
Erica: The big blonde one.