Barry: Sounds great, but there's only one problem, I don't have any money.
John Calabasas: You don't need money when you have something called credit. Let me ask you, are you familiar with the predatory lending laws of Pennsylvania?
Barry: No.
John Calabasas: Why would you be? They're so dern annoying. Blech!
Barry: I gotta think about it.
John Calabasas: Sorry, it's a very competitive marketplace, and I have several qualified applicants.
Barry: No! I'll take it.
John Calabasas: Good man. Your swanky bachelor pad awaits. Quick question, do you own a cat?
Barry: No.
John Calabasas: Oh, I would get one. I would get a very large cat. Okay, let's sign these documents. And, no, I do not have a pen.
Barry: I got one. [empties backpack]

Adult Adam: [v.o.] While Erica was getting my mom ready to make a move on Mr. Perott, Barry was getting ready to move out.
Adam: [gasps] I never thought I'd see the day! You're cleaning your side of the room!
Barry: I would never do that. I'm moving out.
Adam: Seriously? Don't toy with me, man.
Barry: I signed a lease! I'm outta here!
Adam: Oh, happy day! [both laugh] I can't believe it! You get your own place, and I get you the hell out of mine!
Barry: We can finally take a shower and get dressed like men without being mercilessly teased and towel-whipped!
Adam: You could've also just not done that to me. I don't care! I've never been happier!

Adam: What did Joanne say?
Barry: Joanne?
Adam: When you guys picked out the place together?
Barry: I didn't discuss it with her. Was that a mistake?
Adam: Eh, ignore my question. Keep dancing. Nothing can derail this happy moment.
Barry: Oh, no! I never even considered her.
Adam: Well, don't tell her that.
Barry: Then what should I tell her? I know. I'll tell her I went to sleep under a tree, and an apartment was built around me. It's the perfect crime.
Adam: That's a winner, for sure. But how about starting with the truth? But a gentle truth, that ends with a scenario where you still move out.
Barry: Or... I cancel my lease with Calabasas and tell her nothing.
Adam: That's a terrible plan. But I'll keep packing, just in case.

Barry: There you are! I've been looking for you everywhere.
John Calabasas: Whoa, look who sounds like my adult children.
Barry: I can no longer take the apartment. I forgot to tell my girlfriend about it.
John Calabasas: Look, you have a girlfriend, I have a girlfriend. I totally get it.
Barry: What a relief.
John Calabasas: My girlfriend, of course, is that sweet rent money that you already gave me, and we're never breaking up.
Barry: Shady dealings from a landlord? Unheard of.
John Calabasas: You signed a contract, mostly in all the right places.
Barry: Unfair. But I'll show you. Poke, poke, poke. My germs are all over your grinder.
John Calabasas: Please. I've eaten way more poked food than this. Next month's rent is due in 30 days.
Barry: 30 days?
John Calabasas: [eats] Wow, your touch has really affected the taste of my sandwich.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Barry had made a mistake he couldn't get out of. Meanwhile, at school, my mom was trying her best to get in with Mr. Perott. But her flirting skills were a little rusty.
Beverly: [in singsong voice] Hey! Here comes Bev with some chicken kiev! [laughs] [in normal voice] I don't have any food with me.
Adult Adam: Okay, very rusty.
Beverly: I don't know.

Mr. Perott: Andrea, would you want to co-chaperone the winter dance with me?
Andrea: Oh, I'd love to, Joe!
Beverly: [laughing] Oh, oh! Holy... [bleep] Oh, this is great news! And fun! Let's not leave fun off the table. Fun and great! Oh! Together at last!

Barry: Ad-Rock, I've got a serious problem. Turns out a lease is a legally binding document...
Adam: Oh, I'm so sad about that! Like, such a bummer. Take care now.
Barry: What the hell happened in here?
Adam: I took the liberty of turning this back into Adam's love shack.
Barry: I don't care what you do with your He-Man figurines. I need help.
Adam: How many times do I have to tell you to be honest with Joanne? For some reason, she loves you. She'll get it.
Barry: But she always thinks about me, and I completely forgot about her.
Adam: Just figure out a way to be happy together, away from here.
Barry: That's it! I'll ask her to move in with me. Then I'll tell her I've already found the perfect place for us to look at, the apartment I already rented. She'll fall in love with it and me at the same time. Thanks for the idea!
Adam: Not my idea. And do you even want to live with Joanne, or are you just trying to avoid a small fight?
Barry: It would only be a small fight?
Adam: Like 15 minutes, tops.
Barry: I'm still not comfortable with that. Let's move in and live a life of lies instead.

Barry: I've been thinking long and hard about our relationship.
Joanne: Oh, noice!
Barry: And I've come to a decision. I want us to live together, in our own apartment.
Joanne: Oh, my God, Bar-Bar!
Barry: And I've already lined up the perfect place for us to inspect and immediately fall in love with.
Joanne: I have wanted us to take this step. But I also wanted to be sensitive, since you moved home to be with family during such a hard year.
Barry: Yeah, yeah, all the pain. But that doesn't matter anymore. All that matters is us finding a spot, preferably on the west side of Walnut Street, between 4th and 5th.
Joanne: You, sir, are a great boyfriend.
Barry: Maybe the best. [Joanne laughs] Maybe.

John Calabasas: I thought I heard a full and clear conversation over here. I live next door. The walls are paper thin. I hope you like ska music.
Joanne: Oh, we're not moving in.
John Calabasas: Not today? When? Tomorrow?
Joanne: Never.
Barry: Tomorrow sounds good. Be on your way, stranger. We're still working out the details.
John Calabasas: Relationships seem fun. Hey, here's your mailbox key. Just drop the rent in number six.
Joanne: Barry, did you already rent this place?
Barry: No!
John Calabasas: Yes.
Joanne: Which is it?
Barry: Uhhhh... Uhhhhhh... Did I answer you yet?
Joanne: You did not.
John Calabasas: Allow me to clarify, no backsies.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Yep, Barry had been found out. Meanwhile, my mom had found out her crush liked someone else. And she wasn't taking it well.
Erica: Schmoo, what happened?
Beverly: He asked someone else to the dance, Erica. I hate him! I hate boys! I hate school! And I'm never going back!
Erica: I know, but you have to go back, sweetie.
Beverly: I'm done listening to you. I'm gonna go up to my room, and I'm not even gonna come out for dinner.
Erica: That's confusing to me, because does that mean that you're not going to make dinner or...
Beverly: Of course I'm gonna make dinner. I love providing for my family. But I'm not gonna eat it. Now leave me alone forever!
Erica: Okay. Well, I'm gonna give you some space so you can get out all your big feelings.
Beverly: No, wait, don't go. I need you.
Erica: Daughter Bear's right here, pumpkin.