Beverly: Get your hand off his face, it's Thanks-[bleep]-giving!

Murray: But seriously, why do we have to invite him every year?
Beverly: Because Marvin's your brother and the only family you've got?
Murray: No. I've got you. I've got whats-her-name. I got the two morons in the basement. I'm good.

Murray: Why would I want twenty cases of that crap?
Marvin: Because you invested, right? That's the deal. You peddle the creams, and you recruit more people to expand your sales triangle.
Murray: Sales triangle? Wait, is this a damn pyramid scheme?
Marvin: No, no! There's 26 tiers of sales, okay. The guys at the top make the most money and then it funnels down toward the base of the three-dimensional triangle.
Murray: You literally just described a pyramid, you idiot!

Barry: And the coveted Barry cup once again goes to Barry Norman Goldberg!

Murray: How's 900 bucks, for starters? That's how much I paid for his bartending school, and he flunked out. Who does that?
Beverly: I'll tell you who. Tom Cruise in the movie Cocktail, and you know how that ended for him. Hmm.
Well, actually I never saw that movie. But I assume he won over the whole city with his fancy drinks.

Beverly: It's happening. Hey, let's sit at the table and give thanks. Now, before it's too late.

Marvin: Touch it.
Murray: I don't want to touch your face.
Marvin: Touch my face!
Murray: I don't even touch my wife's face.

Barry: There isn't a world where this little, unathletic, lazy-eyed nerd would beat me.

Adam: Well, this unathletic, lazy-eyed nerd is now ball-ball champion.

Adam: I've grown two inches this year. How much have you grown?
Barry: I don't have to answer that.