Mr. Glascott: You're right, Beverly. The world would look different through Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's eyes. [chuckles]

Adult Adam: [v.o.] After getting involved in my girlfriend's relationship with her sister, I was looking to my dad for some wisdom, but it was after 8:00.
Barry: Don't bother. He ate a dozen garlic knots and watched Murder, She Wrote. His day is done.

Barry: Look at this guy. He is the epitome of stability. He's a rock.
Adam: He does have many rock-like properties.
Barry: He's a shining example of what we'll emulate in our own marriages.
Adam: I guess we are pretty lucky.
Barry: The luckiest.
Adam: Thanks, Bar.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Growing up, Barry often gave me lousy advice, but every once in a while, he knew exactly what he was talking about.

Adam: I guess this one's fine.
Beverly: No, those are large. You're more of an athletic medium.
Adam: Just get what you want so we can get this over with.
Barry: Boom! Silk boxers. So slippery and elegant.
Beverly: Not on my watch. That is the underpant of Los Angeles.
Barry: Fine! Then I'm going commando... nothing at all. Where's the nearest changing room? I'm starting now.
Adam: So, medium seems fine.

Plumber: You're probably gonna have to clear out of here for a week or so.
Geoff: Great, so now what do we do?
Erica: We'll go to a hotel.
Geoff: And pay for it with what, exactly?
Erica: You're the neatnik. Don't you have a mold budget?
Geoff: Sorry, I didn't anticipate that my wife would be a wet towel abandoner.
Erica: Ouch, Don Rickles. And, fine, we'll go to your parents'.
Geoff: My mom turned my room into a knitting room. Between my yarn allergy and all the needles, it's a death trap.
Erica: I know of a place where the price is right and the staff is always friendly.

Beverly: Did something seem off about them? I haven't seen Geoff that edgy since Groundhog Day. He's not good with suspense. I'm gonna get to the bottom of it.
Mr. Glascott: Sounds intrusive. Count me in.

Adam: Star Wars: Return of the Jedi: Ewok Adventure. Brea, you really nailed my gift.
Brea: Eh, you're easy to shop for. I just think, "Hey, that's maybe science fiction," and then I get it.

Brea: It's okay. I love the thought. But I couldn't have gone anyway. My older sister is in town.
Adam: Claire? She is? I had no idea.
Brea: Neither did I. But that's kind of how Claire is. She plays by her own rules.
Adam: Oh, like Eddie Murphy in Beverly Hills Cop 1 and/or 2?
Brea: If that helps you understand it, then sure.

Erica: I got to say, there's something nice about being back in my own room.
Geoff: Well, you're certainly comfy, because there goes the towel right where I lay my head.
Erica: Relax. My mom will pick it up.
Beverly: [in the dining room with Mr. Glascott] She's right. I will.
Geoff: You're not being considerate of me.
Erica: Remind me... when we exchanged vows, did you promise to spend all of your waking hours talking about towels? Because you're making good on that one, buddy.
Mr. Glascott: She "buddied" him. That's not good.
Geoff: It's the reason we have black mold and had to come here.
Erica: We don't know that. And if you're so unhappy, you can always leave.
Beverly: Leave the house? Leave the marriage? Leave what?
Geoff: Hang it up.
Erica: Oh, I will. And I think I know the perfect place. [throws it at the vent]
Beverly: Damn it! Suddenly, I can't hear a peep.

Geoff: You threw a towel at me.
Erica: I kind of did. Sorry.
Geoff: I'm sorry, too, for getting all crazy.
Erica: No, you were right to be crazy. I'll try harder.
Beverly: [in the dining room with Mr. Glascott] What's happening? The silence is deafening.
Mr. Glascott: You don't think Erica killed him.
Beverly: Worse. I think their marriage is on the rocks.
Mr. Glascott: I don't think that's worse, but, oh, no!