Adam: I'm sorry, but I made some plans with my pals from work.
Beverly: And their parents are okay with them roving around town like a bunch of sailors on shore leave?
Adam: They're 20, and it's dinner at a chain restaurant in the lobby of the Sheraton.
Mr. Glascott: You have been wanting to find the lad some same-aged compadres.
Adam: Wait. You guys discuss my social life?
Mr. Glascott: You're one of our favorite subjects. That, and Ginzy's impossibly green lawn. What is she doing that I'm not? And why is she such a [bleep] about it?

Beverly: You know what, Adam? Go. Have fun with your friends.
Adam: Thank you for recognizing that I'm not a child anymore. Also, may I have $20 for dinner? I'm saving up my work money for a Skyhammer Ultra Pretender Transformer.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] While I was planning to head out on the town, Barry was settling in at the Schwartzes'.
Lou Schwartz: A study treat for Barry?
Linda Schwartz: He's under so much pressure. He couldn't choose a flavor, so he said, "Just make one with all the fruits."
Lou Schwartz: Well, our children and grandchild spend so much time at the Goldbergs', I guess it's nice to have one of theirs for a change.
Linda Schwartz: Even if it's not the one anyone really wanted. [chuckles] Here is your pie. Oh, heavens, your feet are on the table. Yeah, in the exact same spot that I eat and pray.
Barry: Sorry, Linda, but my big brain only works when my little piggies are happy.

Lou Schwartz: What happened to my horse figurines?!
Joanne: Yeah. We got rid of them.
Barry: They were staring right at me.
Joanne: Barry doesn't get along with horses or zebras. They're the horses of Africa.
Lou Schwartz: Zebras are nothing like horses. This is madness.

Adam: Mom, come on. I'm almost 20.
Beverly: I don't care if you're almost 90. If you're living under my roof, you will live by my rules.
Adam: Maybe I'll live under Carmen's roof! She has way too much wicker for a young person, but I'll make do!

Joanne: Got a sec?
Geoff: Sure. I'm just putting some new laces on Erica's favorite boots.
Joanne: Really? She asked you to do that?
Geoff: Oh, I just do it before she has to ask. It's much better for everyone that way.
Joanne: That's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about. Is it me, or is it sometimes hard to be in a relationship with a Goldberg?
Geoff: Sometimes? [laughs] Shut the door.

Brea: Adam, thank God you're okay.
Adam: Brea, what are you doing here?
Brea: I rushed here when I heard about the accident.
Adam: What accident?
Brea: Your mom said you were in a horrible car wreck and it was touch and go.
Beverly: Oh, no, Brea, you must have misheard me. See, when Adam was four, I was driving him to preschool, and we got in a little fender bender.
Brea: That is not at all what you said.
Beverly: Words, huh? They mean different things to different people. Anyway, you're here now, so why don't you two reconnect over some blondies?

Adam: Mom, did you drag Brea all the way down here to see me?
Beverly: "All the way down here"? Don't be so dramatic. Providence is practically next door.
Brea: It was 6 1/2 hours by bus, next to an asthmatic man who kept passing out on me.
Beverly: Exactly, easy breezy, guy was wheezy. [chuckles] You guys used to like to watch movies, right? Goonies, Say Anything, ooh, Weekend at Bernie's. The lead actor is a dead human being. [laughs] Comedy!

Adam: Mom, you have crossed a line from which there is no return!
Beverly: What do you mean, Schmoo? I just happened to call your ex Brea, who I have always adored, by the way.
Brea: You made me sit alone at Thanksgiving. You called it the Brea table.
Beverly: I thought you'd like your own table, Princess. [chuckles]

Joanne: Six different types of salami, just like you requested.
Barry: I requested seven.
Joanne: They were out of capicola.
Barry: What? At least tell me they had all five of the cheeses I asked for.
Joanne: No Havarti.
Barry: It's not a party without Havarti. I have to walk this off. [walks off with plate]