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33Quotes from ‘Goldbergs Never Say Die’

The Goldbergs: Goldbergs Never Say Die

116. Goldbergs Never Say Die

Aired March 4, 2014

Adam's obsession with the movie "The Goonies" sets him up for embarassment when Erica and Barry team up to play a prank on their younger brother. Adam stops speaking to his older siblings after they humiliate him in front of his friends. However, when Pops' needs Adam's help to find his late wife's jewelry, Adam considers getting his friends back together for a treasure hunt.

Quote from Pops

Beverly: Your finances are a mess.
Pops: Oh, please.
Beverly: You're late paying your bills, you've been forgetting to cash your checks, and you've made some very questionable investments.
Pops: I believe in that alpaca farm. The alpaca is the dog of the future.

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Quote from Pops

Barry: Mom, leave him alone. A handsome sixty-year-old has the right to do whatever he wants.
Pops: You think I'm 60? Get over here.
Beverly: And stop giving cash to the kids every time they lie to you about your age.
Murray: Bevy, leave the man alone. He's doing damn good for a 40-year-old.
Pops: This guy!

Quote from Adam

Adam: I, of course, will be Mikey, leader of the Goonies. *Uses inhaler* That was both in reference to my character, also to help my seasonal allergies.

Quote from Dave Kim

Dave Kim: Whoa, whoa, whoa, stop. Question. Which Goonie am I?
Adam: Oh, yeah, Dave Kim. Good question. Who's left? Let's see. Hmm, tough call. Well, Brand is taken, so-
Dave Kim: You wanted me to be Data.
Adam: What? No. I just invited all of my closest friends over to hang out.
Dave Kim: You've literally never invited me over before.
Adam: So you don't think we're friends. That really stings, Dave Kim really stings. But since you're here, you might as well wear this elaborate gadget and trench coat.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Why would Christian Slater change his last name to Goldberg?

Quote from Pops

Murray: Albert, you're not going to win, so let's end this and get your finances in order. Let me help you. Here, I even made you a budget.
Pops: This is a cruel joke, right? $200 a month for clothes? Are you nuts?
Murray: It's more than enough.
Pops: I wear silk. It costs me a fortune. Little worms make it. Little worms make my clothes!
Murray: Well, then don't wear silk.
Pops: You're lucky I don't punch you in the face right now.

Quote from Pops

Murray: Fine, $300 for clothes, but it's coming out of your food budget.
Pops: No way. It's already unreasonably low. How can I buy waffles for an entire restaurant on $400?
Murray: You can't.
Pops: Selfish son of a bitch.

Quote from Pops

Beverly: So where's mom's good jewelry? It was all in there.
Pops: I gave it to you.
Beverly: No, you didn't.
Pops: I clearly remember handing it directly to you. You had a colorful sweater and big hair, and you were on your way to tell somebody how to run their life.
Beverly: Okay, now you're just describing me on any given day.
Pops: So you remember it, too.

Quote from Pops

Murray: Okay, fine $500 for food, but I am not budging on entertainment.
Pops: You only have me budgeted for three massages a week. It's insanity. Do you know why this skin is like butter? 'Cause it's rubbed with butter. A woman named Rhoda comes to my house and rubs butter on me. Now, do you want to deprive me and her of that experience?
Murray: Yes.

Quote from Pops

Murray: What's this?
Pops: It's a little thank-you in advance for helping me do my budget and pay my bills and two years of back taxes. It's a bit of a cluster[beep].
Murray: Yes.
Pops: But I require no less than four massages a week. I'm not an animal.

Quote from Barry

Barry: All right, beat it, butthole. I rented Weird Science.
Adam: No! Stop! It's not over yet.
Barry: Let me tell you how it ends. I punch you in the chest, you cry, roll end credits.

Quote from Murray

Murray: Hey, great news. There's a horrible smell coming from the attic, and your mom wants me to figure out what it is.
Barry: How is that great news?
Murray: I got the brilliant idea to dump it off on you morons. I'm 80% sure something's dead up there. Go make some memories.

Quote from Adam

Adam: I'll be there in a sec. I'm just about to watch the good part. Which is all of it.

Quote from Barry

Erica: You thinking what I'm thinking?
Barry: "How do toasters work"?
Erica: What? No. I have an idea.

Quote from Adam

Adam: What the? It's an old map of Jenkintown.
Barry: Oh, that thing? Mom bought that when the historical society shut down.
Adam: Oh, my God. It's signed by William Penn. Why would the founder of Pennsylvania sign a map of our town?
Erica: Because he died in this very neighborhood.
Barry: Yeah, and they never found his fortune., Who cares? Come on. We have an attic to clean.
Adam: There's an "x" on this map, right in our own neighborhood.
Erica: An "x"? What does an "x" mark?
Adam: The spot. Guys, there's treasure in this town, and we're gonna find it. Come on! Follow me! I don't hear you running after me! We should be running as a group.

Quote from Barry

Erica: You know, I like it when we work together as a team to torture and humiliate our little brother.
Barry: Yeah, we should do more mean projects together.

Quote from Adam

Adam: And for obvious reasons, Emmy Mirsky, you'll be mouth. I know you're a girl, but I think of you like a dude.
Emmy: And I think of you like a girl.

Quote from Adam

Barry: Okay! Really digging this outfit. Tell me more about this clearly awesome badass.
Adam: You're my big brother. That makes you Brand.
Barry: Got it I'm Burt, the handsome surfer who solves crimes at night, eh?
Adam: Close enough.

Quote from Adam

Adam: Chad Kremp, you'll play Chunk. Stuff this pillow under your shirt and munch on this Baby Ruth.
Chad: Um, can this be a granola bar? My mom won't let me eat chocolate.
Adam: Oh, Chunk. Classic comic sidekick.

Quote from Adam

Dave Kim: Or I'll be Mikey.
Adam: You want to be Mikey? Be Mikey.
Dave Kim: Then I'm Mikey.
Adam: You can't be Mikey! Just put on the coat!

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Hello!
Pops: What? Did you break into my place?
Beverly: No, I had a key made, which didn't work because you changed the locks. So I had to crawl in through the window, so yes.

Quote from Pops

Beverly: It says here you closed your safety deposit box five years ago.
Pops: I had a key. They had a key. It was crazy.

Quote from Pops

Pops: How dare you! I'm very responsible with my money.
Beverly: You're using $10 bills as coasters.
Pops: I ran out of fives.

Quote from Adam

Barry: What do we got to do to stop being dead to you already?
Adam: You can start with an apology.
Erica: Okay, fine. We feel really bad.
Barry: For real, we're sorry.
Adam: I don't accept.
Barry: You can't do that!
Adam: I just did.
Erica: Take the sorry.
Adam: I reject the sorry!
Erica: You asked for the sorry!
Adam: I asked for it so I could reject it.
Barry: You take the damn sorry! Take it now! Take it!
Adam: I take nothing!
Barry: He's not taking it.
Erica: So you're just gonna disown us? Unreal.

Quote from Adam

Erica: It's just a stupid, stupid movie.
Adam: Not to me. That movie is everything to me. And you used it to embarrass me in front of all my friends and Dave Kim!

Quote from Murray

Murray: Albert, this is madness. She's killing both of us here.
Pops: How are you getting killed?
Murray: She's going through every nook and cranny of this house. She already found my stash of Cuban cigars. She found my secret tin of multi-flavored popcorn caramel, yellow cheese, white cheese.
Pops: Ooh, I like the white cheese.
Murray: We all do.

Quote from Adam

Adam: So, you've been lying to Mom this whole time? Pops, this is bad. When Mom finds out that you're the one who forgot where you put the jewelry, you'll be on a budget forever. Rhoda will never butter you up again.
Pops: Not if we track down that jewelry. I found this. It's a list of Nana's jewelry, plus a little clue to help me remember where I put it.
Adam: "Irene's necklace, wedding ring, brooch, and gems. Play this until it ends." It rhymes.
Pops: I like to make things fun.
Adam: So what does the clue mean?
Pops: No clue.
Adam: You know what this is? A treasure hunt.
Pops: So you'll help me find it?
Adam: I vowed that my treasure-hunting days were over. But for you, I'll come out of retirement.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Okay, I've torn apart the house from top to bottom, and I found some very questionable things fireworks, throwing stars, Barry's hidden lingerie catalogs, Erica's wine coolers, Murray's Ding Dongs, Murray's Ho Hos, Murray's Tastykakes, a machete - don't know whose this is.

Quote from Barry

Barry: I've got this. I'm super strong 'cause I've been working out.
Erica: Yeah, with Mom.
Barry: Not just with Mom!

Quote from Adam

Adult Adam: [v.o.] That's the thing about family. They may hate your movie or disagree with how you spend your money. But in the end, they are there with you to eat some Belgian beauties. That was the first morning Pops didn't buy the whole restaurant waffles, just our family.
Pops: Hey, everybody! Bloody Marys on me! All right!
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Technically, it was more expensive, but it was a start.

Quote from Barry

Adam: We need your help.
Erica: No fricking way! Not after you sent out those humiliating tapes of us.
Barry: Yeah! Everyone's making fun of me at school. No one will sit next to me at lunch. Girls are ignoring me.
Adam: Dude, I didn't send out any tapes.
Barry: Say what?
Adam: I just said I did to make you guys mad.
Barry: No, no, you sent out tapes to everyone at school and that girl who works at the Orange Julius at the mall.
Adam: I really didn't.
Barry: Huh?
Adam: No tapes.
Barry: No tapes?
Adam: No tapes.
Barry: Well, I've got some stuff to think about.

Quote from Barry

Barry: All right, I want you to be completely honest with me, Dave Kim. Mom or no Mom, my body's shaping up nice, am I right?
Dave Kim: You people are weird.


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