Brea: Adam, don't you have that furry Alf costume?
Adam: You mean my Bigfoot costume?
Brea: Is that what that was? It seemed... Never mind.
Dave Kim: If we pull this off, we'll be total rock stars.
Adam: That's it! What about avant garde singer-showman David Bowie?
Brea: It's perfect! We can put him in a flamboyant spaceman jumpsuit and paint a lightning bolt on his face.
JC Spink: But whatever we do, don't tell anyone, okay? If we get caught, we could get suspended.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Oh, no. I didn't want to get suspended. But I couldn't let my friends down.

Beverly: Poopsie-pie. Your slumping frame wouldn't have anything to do with the senior prank, would it? Principal Ball told the faculty to be on high alert.
Adam: No. Maybe. I'm so conflicted, Mama.
Beverly: Oh. You can share anything with me. Secrets. Soup. Vows we write to each other and then exchange in an intimate ceremony between family and friends.
Adam: I guess I'm okay with the soup. But my friends asked me to desecrate the William Penn statue. If I get caught, NYU will never let me in.
Beverly: Now, as Quaker Warden, I'll put a stop to it.
Adam: But no one can know it was me.
Beverly: Mama is always discreet. And if you still want to make your mark, I have the perfect idea... a mother-son prank.
Adam: How about a mother-son quietly go their separate ways?
Beverly: Yes, you're in. You'll go up at assembly and say, "My mama was the best part about high school," and then I'll go up and give you kissies!
Adam: That's not a prank. That's just me committing social suicide.
Beverly: Oh, son. [laughs]

Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was April 28th, 1980-something, and Erica was trying to distract herself from her breakup with Geoff. [doorbell rings] Until this happened.
Erica: Geoff.
Geoff: Hey, you.
Erica: Hey... back at ya. [door closes]
Geoff: I'm sorry. It's... It's weird I'm here.
Erica: Sure, we have a rich romantic history, but stuff happens, and then it stops happening.
Geoff: As you know, today would have been our 5th anniversary.
Erica: I guess it would. Five's a big one. Was a big one, I mean. Not for me, though, because I celebrate the small ones, like 3, 6, 17, and... Okay, you talk again.

Beverly: Schmoodle, are you okay?
Erica: [voice breaks] I'm not okay.
Beverly: Bring it in. Make Mama's sweater sparkle with your tears.
Erica: He said to give it to Barry, but I'm not gonna give it to Barry. I'm gonna start a fire and I'm gonna put it in the fire and then I'm gonna jump into the fire! [cries]

Principal Ball: Better luck next time, seniors. I just got a hot tip from an anonymous oddball that Billy P here is about to be pranked, so he will be locked away till graduation. Point, Ball.
Brea: Holy crap! It worked!
Adam: What worked?
Brea: Don't be mad?
Dave Kim: Everybody inside! It's happening!
[When Adam, Dave Kim and Brea run into the school, there are two donkeys in the hallway]
Mr. Perott: Whoever pulled this one off... best prank in years.
JC Spink: That means a lot coming from the teacher who rides a motorcycle despite all the safety data. If the devil wants to take me, he's got to catch me first.
Dave Kim: What an amazing life lesson to tell children.
Adam: You guys did this without me?
Brea: Look, we love that you're a sweet, nice boy, which is why we kind of counted on you to blab to your mom.
Dave Kim: And that got Principal Ball fixated on the statue outside so we could get these sweet beasts inside.
JC Spink: Did you know donkeys have phenomenal memories and a logical, flexible approach to problem-solving?
Adam: Thanks, Jack Hanna. But I kind of am focusing on the fact that you used me.
Brea: If anything, you were the most important part. Right after securing and transporting two donkeys in secrecy.
Pops: The burros are making love in the computer lab. [donkey brays]
Adam: Damn it! It's such a good prank.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] As my friends had made an ass of me, my dad was trying not to fall on his.
Murray: See? We're doing the thing.
Erica: Sort of doing it. You hit that cone, fell, and you said, "Leave me."
Murray: But you didn't. And here we are, about to finish our first lap.
Erica: At least no one's here to witness it.

Carla: Erica Goldberg? [gasps] I haven't seen you in forever, bitch.
Erica: I know... bitch.
Carla: Yo, guy. I'm Carla. Erica's best friend from high school.
Erica: That's my dad. You've met him like 100 times.
Carla: Oh, yeah! I didn't recognize you with your pants on. [laughs] Oh, man. I can't even count how many dads I've said that to.
Murray: I don't like you. I'm going to get a Fanta.

Erica: Do you work here?
Carla: I'm a Rink Lady. I'm in charge of, like, so many kids' safety, it's stupid. So, where's Geoff?
Erica: We actually broke up.
Carla: Was it a passion killing?
Erica: No, just your standard, boring breakup.
Carla: Honestly, in high school, I pooh-poohed dweebs like Geoff, but in the rearview mirror of my chaotic life, he's the whole package.
Johnny Atkins: Hey, babe. Other babe.
Carla: Erica and Geoff split up.
Johnny Atkins: That sweet-faced douche-nugget is on the market? You gotta swoop in, and swoop fast!
Carla: But what about us?
Johnny Atkins: We're talking Geoff Schwartz here. He's grade-A marriage material. He's gonna be an optometrist.
Erica: An ophthalmologist.
Johnny Atkins: What? A real medical doctor who can perform retinal surgeries including radial keratotomy? If you don't swoop in, I will.
Erica: Well, you don't really need me here to figure out who's gonna swoop in, so...

Erica: We're leaving.
Murray: Already? Don't you remember this claw machine? I'm trying to win you that unicorn you always wanted. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! [groans] What does it take?
Erica: Murray, let's just get out of here before anyone else finds out how pathetic my life is.
Johnny Atkins: [over P.A.] This one goes out to Erica, who just broke up with solid catch Geoff Schwartz. There's an eye man on the table, ladies.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Sadly, Barry was right. If I wanted to be remembered, I needed to do something big.
Beverly: Not so fast!
Adam: She's among us!
Beverly: What are you doing in my purse?
Adam: I was just looking for... this tampon. Oh, my God.