Murray: Where are you going?
Erica: Home. This was a huge mistake.
Murray: I admit taking a Fanta out onto the rink with all the signs telling you not to was a big mistake, but we should talk.
Erica: You want to talk? You're famously bad at that.
Murray: Yeah, that's because I'm usually tired, bored, or disinterested, or there's something better on TV. But I'm good. Let's talk.
Erica: Fine. Let's talk.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] And so, just like the last Daddy Daughter Day, my dad got my sister to open up.
Erica: Geoff was the first boy who ever told me that he loved me.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Of course, this time it wasn't teenage girl stuff. It was real adult relationship stuff.
Erica: I mean, he ate what I ate, watched what I watched, yawned when I yawned... which is a natural reaction to yawns, but I mean, come on, man. Yawn for yourself.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] But then, something insane happened... my dad actually rose to the occasion.
Murray: And how'd that make you feel?
Erica: Wait, are you actually engaging me on this topic?
Murray: It doesn't come naturally, but tell me about the pain.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was amazing. My dad didn't just listen to Erica, he was there for her.
Erica: Not a day goes by I'm not terrified that I completely destroyed my life. You know what I mean?
Murray: I do.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Normally, all the deep talk and intimate details would have spun our dad out...
Erica: And I miss his kiss. He weirdly had the softest lips, and he didn't even use ChapStick.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] ...but not today.
Murray: It's the small things that we miss the most.
Erica: Dad, I can't believe I'm saying this, but thanks. It feels really good to talk about this stuff.

Johnny Atkins: [over P.A.] Attention, rink-rollers. It's closing time. You don't have to roll home, but you can't roll here.
Erica: Well, that was fun.
Murray: Well, why should it end now? Let's turn our Daddy Daughter Day into a Daddy Daughter Night.
Erica: What a weird and uncomfortable turn of phrase, but what do we even do?
Murray: Wait. Did you give that voucher to Barry?
Erica: You mean the one that's for my anniversary dinner?
Murray: You mean our Daddy Daughter Dinner? Come on. I was right about this, wasn't I? Not only that, but they have beef Wellington! That's meat inside a loaf of bread. Science is real.
Erica: I guess.
Murray: Dinner with my Peanut! Hoo-hoo-hoo!

Adult Adam: [v.o.] While my prank had gone sour, my sister and Dad were enjoying the sweet life at Philly's best restaurant.
Jerome: Welcome, lovers. Mademoiselle Erica. Monsieur Geoff.
Murray: Uh, no lovers. I'm not Geoff. I'm the girl's father.
Jerome: It is your night. You are whoever you want to be.
Erica: Geoff must have planned this months ago. This is a culinary journey through our relationship.
Murray: Okay, could you take these menus and just bring in the regular ones?
Jerome: But that would be an entirely new charge.
Murray: We'll push through.

Erica: Dad, I just don't feel right about this.
Murray: So we had a little hiccup with the menu. We're gonna have a great time.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] But they weren't. They super weren't.
Erica: Looks exactly like my prom corsage.
Murray: [smushes food] Not anymore.
Jerome: Bon appétit.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] And it only got worse from there.
Jerome: For mademoiselle, your favorite, coq au vin, and for the gentleman, trout almondine.
Murray: Why is it cut into teensy pieces?
Erica: Geoff was terrified of choking, 'cause he always did. God, I miss him so much.
Murray: Don't, because he wasn't special. All men like a pre-cut piece of trout. [laughs] There's no way I'm ordering pizza later.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] And then he brought out the face cake.
Murray: Really, guy?
Erica: I can't even look at it.
Murray: [grabs Geoff's face] Mmm. Oh, my God. There's chocolate mousse on the inside!
Erica: Like the moose that we saw when we went upstate.
Jerome: I believe that was the intention.
Murray: You're not getting a tip.
Jerome: You already generously included it, Monsieur Schwartz.
Murray: I'm not him! Why can't you get that?
Erica: Why can't you get that I didn't want to come here?
Murray: Peanut...
Erica: No, don't "Peanut" me. I don't know why I thought you of all people would make me feel better.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] After destroying my legacy and the coolest teacher in school's motorcycle, there was nothing left to do but apologize.
Adam: Hey, Mr. P. I heard that you take the bus now that...
Mr. Perott: My bike was flattened by a Quaker dressed like an omnisexual rock god?
Adam: Quick and to the point.
Mr. Perott: Wait, why are you on the bus?
Adam: My mom's form of punishment. But hey, this isn't so bad, am I right?
Mr. Perott: You are not. I used to be king of the road. Now I ride a yellow bus with children. Damn it! Was that your spitball, Levi Douglas? I will go over these seats!
Adam: It's like the bus kids don't know how cool you are.
Mr. Perott: They don't. You see these shades? One of these lame-os asked me if they were medical. You're medical!
Adam: If you want to hate me forever, I wouldn't blame you.
Mr. Perott: Oh, please. I know you're a good kid. [laughter] Unlike Scott Wasserman! I will date your mom!

Adam: But I ruined everything for you.
Mr. Perott: You were just trying to make your mark, but you didn't realize you already had.
Adam: As a nerdy everyman?
Mr. Perott: Being a nerd is not that special.
Adam: That's kind of my whole schtick.
Mr. Perott: But you're not gonna be remembered that way. You're gonna be remembered as a sweet, thoughtful kid that everyone likes.
Adam: I can't believe you can still think those things about me after what I did.
Mr. Perott: One mistake doesn't change who you are. But let's just keep it to one.
Adam: Definitely.
Mr. Perott: Pudding, huh? Okay. Ol' Perott's got hard-boiled eggs! You brought a knife to a gunfight!
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Thanks to the coolest teacher in school, I was off the hook. But the same couldn't be said for my dad.

Erica: Oh, my God, Dad. Please, no more.
Murray: Get this... there's nothing I can do to help you.
Erica: That's it? I mean, even with no expectations, that's brutal, man.
Murray: I know I'm no good at this, but I can't stand to see you like this.
Erica: Look at you. It's like you actually care.
Murray: I do care, more than you could possibly know. But, [sighs] breakups are really hard, and the only thing you can do is live through it.
Erica: So you tried distracting me with roller skating?
Murray: I blew it.
Erica: Not entirely. Like that time you fell. And then that other time you fell.
Murray: I stink at roller skating.
Erica: Yeah, but you are a pretty okay dad.
Murray: Look at you. I came in here to make you feel better, and you're making me feel better.
Erica: Well, what can I say? I'm a pretty okay daughter.
Murray: I think... you're the best daughter.
Erica: The unicorn? How many quarters did you spend to get this?
Murray: Too many, and then I had to bribe your scary friend to open up the machine.

Adam: What if, at lunch, we grill a ton of hot dogs and just give them to whoever wants them?
JC Spink: That's not a prank, okay? That's a minor league baseball promotion.
Brea: We could do something to the William Penn statue.
Principal Ball: Nooo! This statue is off-limits to all pranks. William Penn is my personal hero.
Adam: Wasn't he expelled from Oxford and jailed a bunch?
Principal Ball: Don't believe everything you read in our textbooks, Goldberg. And keep your mitts off him.