Beverly: Fear not, children. Soon Madame Mama will buy you hundreds of televisions.
Adam: That seems like too many. And why are you dressed like Sam Kinison?
Beverly: This outfit is French. Energé wants their saleswomen to represent their le brand.
Erica: You joined Jane Bales' company?
Beverly: More like Beverly Goldberg's company. That's what they're gonna call it as soon as I outsell that screechy scarecrow.
Adam: Wait. Does that mean you're no longer the Quaker Warden at my school?
Beverly: I am gonna have to scale back my hours a little bit so I can bring home the French Benjamins, AKA francs.
Adam: Whatever this is, you have my full support.
Beverly: Then go get me all the names and phone numbers of your friends' moms so I can hawk them stuff until they go broke.
Adam: Desperate times. I'll go grab you a pen.

Erica: Mom, how much do you really know about this Energé?
Beverly: Only that they're the finest straight-to-market French beauty company around. Why?
Erica: I don't know. It just seems like most jobs that involve getting rich quick are usually scams.
Beverly: You should be more worried about the poor saps I'll be selling to. [chuckles] Which reminds me...
Erica: There's no chance I'm giving you the numbers of anyone I know.
Beverly: Then I'll just do it the French way... through le seduction.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] As my mom went to make a sale, Barry was looking to profit from my dad's football expertise.
Vic: [chuckles] Yeah. Look at this. Oh, to be young and delusional about one's athletic ability.
Barry: Yep, I'm blessed. What's first, Coach Dad?
Murray: Don't call me that. And I'm not helping you until you show me a tiny bit of skill and a willingness to listen.
Barry: I'll show you 10 times that.
Murray: Oh!
Barry: Professional hike!
Bill Lewis: Oh! [groans] I need that mirror! How will I merge?

Murray: Tuck in your chin. Raise up your tailbone. Close your eyes and imagine the perfect spiral. Snap at the belt! [Barry throws the ball]
Bill Lewis: Great Vince Lombardi's ghost! This is how people felt watching the moon landing.
Vic: It's a massive overstatement, but it was still surprising.
Barry: So, Dad, will you mold me into a football god that's a role model to young kids everywhere? Even though that's really a parent's job.
Murray: Take it easy, okay? You had one good snap. We got a lot of work to do.
Vic: [laughs] Oh! He said "we." It's happening!
Barry: Victory spike! Whoo!

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Thanks to my dad, Barry was starting to improve.
Barry: Hike!
Adult Adam: [v.o.] And before long...
Barry: Hike!
Adult Adam: [v.o.] ...long-snapping was a snap.
Geoff: Ow! So cold!
Barry: Whoo!
Geoff: [bleep]
Matt: You said we were tasting ice cream!
Naked Rob: Ow!
Matt: Ew!
Geoff: Mr. Goldberg, you have the power to stop this!
Murray: Yeah, I do.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] As Vic and Bill spooked my brother, my mom was looking to scare up a few new customers.
Virginia Kremp: Oh! Judas the Betrayer! What did you just spray in my face?!
Beverly: Bon-Bon Boudoir. It's a skin toner. I'll put you down for four bottles. Is the rest of the herd here? Ladies! [singsong voice] I hope you brought your checkbooks. [gasps] Jane Bales!
Jane Bales: Hello, Beverly. I've heard that we're co-workers, which is great, because every team needs a scrub.
Beverly: The only thing I'm going to scrub is the floor with my sales numbers.
Essie Karp: This is awkward. Uh, we just bought a whole bunch of stuff from Jane.
Jane Bales: Anyway, gotta run, which I do often. Hence my exquisite frame. [chuckles] Toodles, my poodles.

Beverly: Good. Then I'll put you all down for our new Rose Petal Body Mist.
Virginia Kremp: Sorry, but I've reached my spending limit.
Linda Schwartz: Same. I don't want Lou to give me that unhappy look.
Beverly: I have a product that'll keep Lou so happy with your face, he'll forget all about your body.
Essie Karp: What's wrong with our bodies?
Beverly: Nothing that a super-secret product that only I have access to won't fix.
Virginia Kremp: We're not falling for that.
Linda Schwartz: What is it? Tell me!
Essie Karp: I, too, want to hear about the super-secret product!
Beverly: May I present Rolé-Polé.
Virginia Kremp: That kind of sounds like "roly-poly."
Beverly: I don't hear it. It's a new supplement designed to help you slim down without using an ounce of energy.
Virginia Kremp: I don't know, Beverly. There's an awful lot of weird ingredients in here. What's hummingbird extract?
Beverly: Relax. I wouldn't sell you anything I wouldn't take myself. Now, come on, let's all look years younger together.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Soon, the French mystery pill was working. Really, really working.
Essie Karp: My fingers are tingly.
Linda Schwartz: Why is my foot tapping?
Virginia Kremp: It makes you kinda drowsy. Oh, wait! Now it's the opposite.
Beverly: This may sound crazy, but who's up for organizing Ginzy's pantry?!
Essie Karp: Me!
Virginia Kremp: So in!
Linda Schwartz: You want to see how high I can kick?!

Adult Adam: [v.o.] While my mom was amped, Barry wasn't exactly pumped for his tryout.
Naked Rob: Why won't Big Tasty come out?
Barry: Because I don't want to die, you idiots! Do you see the size of these guys?!
Geoff: Yeah, Bar. Football players are large. That's kinda what they're known for.
Barry: I'm not sure I can go through with this tryout.
Murray: There's my boy.
Barry: You came? You don't come to stuff.
Murray: Of course I did, you moron! We're in this together!
Barry: We are in this together. I mean, it's my body out there, but I can see how you might have some interest in how this all turns out.
Murray: Yeah, I do. Break a leg.

Vic: You know, Mur, a week ago, if you told me that your son could make the Eagles, uh, I'd say you were crazy.
Bill Lewis: Oh, my God! That little guy got bent in ways no human should bend!
Vic: he human elbow's not located there.