Beverly: Listen, back before I realized that my ultimate joy was having babies, my gal pals and I had a place we'd go where we would just groove the night away. It was packed with people just having the time of their lives.
Erica: Mom, look around. Disco is dead.
Beverly: Oh, poop. I think I would've heard if a whole genre of music had died.

Adam: Coach Mellor! Please tell me you forced Chad to be partners with Dave Kim.
Coach Mellor: Quite the opposite, Goldfarb. Chad came to me. Made me swear to keep it a secret, too. Something about feelings and friendship, I don't know. I'm not your remembering things secretary, Chad Kremp!
Adam: That snake is cheating on me with my mortal enemy, who is actually a great guy and another friend.
Coach Mellor: I sympathize. Tennis is a lot like marriage. It's long, and it's boring, and eventually, she leaves you for a handsome Latin man who was just supposed to re-tile your bathroom.

Adam: Well, there's only one thing left to do. I become the best tennis player this school has ever known, and I need your help to do it.
Coach Mellor: Damn it, Goldfarb. As a coach, I took a blood oath never to let a student-athlete fail if he's got drive and desire, which is exactly why I'm gonna get into my Ford Festiva and pretend you never asked.

Beverly: Oh, there she is. My beautiful baby is back!
Murray: Back from where? How much did it cost me?
Beverly: Murray, pay attention.
Murray: What were you at dance camp? Something to do with music? I know it hits me in the pocket.

Barry: Behold Andre Agassi! The greatest player in the world. You know why?
Adam: Skill?
Barry: Partly. But the other part? A deadly combination of splash, flash, and mullet.
Adam: A mullet can do that?
Barry: A mullet doesn't have a boss. It takes no orders! It's above the law! Like Steven Seagal!
Adam: But Seagal has a ponytail.
Barry: Which is just a fancy mullet tied with a rubber band. Why aren't you writing any of this down?

Coach Mellor: Out! Point, Kremp-Kim!
Barry: Out?! You got to be frickin' kidding me. It was in by a mile!
Coach Mellor: Gah! Ha! Nice one, McEnroe. Just for that awesome burst of passion, I'm giving you the point.
Chad Kremp: What? That's not a reason to change your mind.
Coach Mellor: Oh, it is. That's the kind of competitive spirit we need on this team.

Mr. Glascott: Look, Erica, these boys care about you. We all do, which is why we wrote letters to make this easier to say. I'll start. "Dearest Erica, I miss your singing."
Beverly: That's it?
Mr. Glascott: Yeah, I don't really know her. Look, I manage 600 kids, okay?

Adam: Today we are seeing the most important movie of our generation, "Quicksilver."
Chad Kremp: Sorry. I got tennis practice today.
Adam: But it stars the always reliable Kevin Bacon as a big-city bike messenger who uses his wheels and his wits to escape danger.
Chad Kremp: That doesn't really sound like my kind of thing.
Adam: Of course it's your thing. It's a hard-core sports movie.
Dave Kim: Delivering mail by bicycle is not a sport.
Adam: Shut up, Dave Kim!

Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was a day for teenage romance. Unless you were my sister.
Erica: You stupid sheep are slaves to this corporate holiday! Ha! But not this girl. I walk alone. So completely alone.

Lainey: Look, you can't get so depressed over Valentine's Day, okay? I mean, Barry hasn't gotten me anything, and I couldn't care less. Dear God, I see puppies!
Barry: Lainey Lewis, how I feel about you is more than puppy love. I doggone adore you.