Jackie: Cliff Notes? You told me you loved "Lord of the Rings."
Adam: I'm sorry, I tried to read it, but it's the longest book about the shortest people.

Barry: I can't believe it. My girlfriend just broke up with me.
Coach Mellor: I know. We all know. There were hundreds of your judgy peers watching.
Barry: What am I gonna do?
Coach Mellor: Come on. Bring it in for a two-person huddle. Let Coach give you a pep talk with his body.
Barry: [crying]
Coach Mellor: That's it. You soak that rayon shirt down with your boy tears until you feel the strength return.

Barry: Hello, Father. I come to you today with a life-and-death request.
Murray: Why do you look like a department-store pianist?
Barry: You're a department-store pianist! No! Sorry. Let me start over. As you know, next weekend is prom. It is literally guaranteed to be a night to remember. That's the theme, and I take it very seriously. That's why you will fully fund this venture.
Murray: Go away.
Barry: But you have yet to hear the extraordinary details. Me and Lainey begin the night crossing the Delaware River on a hot-air balloon.
Murray: Go.
Barry: Upon landing, 12 Clydesdales will pull our bejeweled carriage to school on a path of freshly cut white roses.
Murray: Get out of my face.
Barry: Tiki torches will light the way, as 100 bald eagles soar into the sky, each carrying a poem handwritten by a haiku expert. I'm begging you. That's when El DeBarge serenades us as we destroy the dance floor with our love.
Murray: I'm not paying for an El DeBarge.
Barry: This all can come true for a measly $22,000.
Murray: You are an insane person. You're not getting a penny.

Coach Mellor: There's no fire, is there, Goldberg?
Barry: Only the one burning in my heart for this sweet lady right here.
Coach Mellor: Damn it. All right, everybody back to class! I hope you brought your wallet, because the fire department charges 80 bucks for false alarms.
Barry: No problem! I happen to have that exact amount right ... Oh, no!

Jackie: I'm thinking for our first issue we're gonna tackle "Lord of the Rings." Ever read it?
Adam: Have I?
Adult Adam: [v.o.] I had not.
Adam: (chuckling) Have I?
Adult Adam: [v.o.] I really hadn't, but this girl was perfect, so lying seemed right.
Adam: I- I must have read it like 0 to 10 times.

Adam: I met a girl, Pops. She's older. She knows stuff.
Pops: An experienced lady, huh? Now, this is where Pops shines. How can I help you?
Adam: What do you know about hobbits? Talk to me. Give me your life wisdom about the Shire. Now!
Pops: I don't know what that is. I was talking about how to get your arm around a dame at a picture show.

Barry: Hyah! You're taking my sister to prom!
Geoff: Barry, are you even in this class? I'm in the middle of a test.
Barry: You will do this, or I will fight your father in front of your entire family, shaming your bloodline.

Geoff: Dude, you know I'd love to go to prom with Erica, but our timing's always been wrong. It's just not meant to be.
Barry: Geoff, stand up! You will take my sister to prom, and you know why? 'Cause you need to bet on love before it's too late.
Matt: He's right. In the end, we only regret the chances we didn't take.
Barry: No one cares what you think, Matthew. But his inspiring words are right. The time is now.

Sales Associate: Can I help you?
Adam: Gah! Nope. Just browsing.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] But I wasn't. I was there to buy the most illicit thing you could buy in a bookstore in the '80s.
Adam: Cliff Notes.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Before the Internet, this was how we got away with not reading a book. Some dude named Cliff summarized an entire story into a little yellow pamphlet.
Sales Associate: Hey, last-minute book report, huh?
Adam: No. That's cheating. I don't do that. I need to read this 'cause I lied to a girl.
Sales Associate: If I were you, I'd just tell people you're cheating.

Beverly: Oh, my God. Why is there an impossibly adorable tuxedo in your closet?
Adam: Okay, I was gonna tell you...
Beverly: Jackie's either taking you to prom or Monte Carlo for the weekend, and neither are acceptable.