Adam: Finally. You're being normal about this. I'll go call her.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] But, just like Gollum, my mom was not to be trusted.
Beverly: Yes, bring your precious girl to me. Bring her.
Adam: What was that? I heard a weird voice.
Beverly: Not a voice. I coughed. (coughs)

Matt: Ah. I see what this is. He's going through the five stages of grief. First stage is denial.
Barry: Wait, so once I get through the five stages, I'll feel perfectly fine again?
Matt: Well, yeah, but healing takes a long time.
Barry: Let's do this, Matt Bradley! What's the next stage for me to race through?
Matt: I guess anger?
Barry: Gahhhh! I'm very mad! Next.
Murray: Uh, bargaining?
Barry: Give me $5 for this hockey stick.
Matt: That's not the kind of bargaining I'm talking about.
Barry: Do you want the stick or not?
Matt: Sure?
Barry: Okay, great. Next stage.
Matt: Uh, next would be sadness.
Barry: Pass. Next.
Matt: Uh, I guess all that's left is acceptance.
Barry: Great, 'cause I accept your gift of this meat tube and gum-flavored soda.
Matt: I kind of meant that you have to accept that it's done with Lainey.
Barry: I will never accept that. In fact, I'm gonna go get her back right now.
Matt: That's 'cause you're obviously still in denial.

Beverly: So, what exactly are your intentions towards my boy?
Jackie: Excuse me?
Beverly: Are they honorable?
Jackie: Uh, sure?
Beverly: Well, then let's lay out some ground rules. There will be no graphic language or adult situations. There will also be no smoking, no joking, and no midnight toking.
Jackie: Tolkien like the writer?
Beverly: There will also be no smooching, no prolonged hugging, and no intimate horseplay. Repeat it all back to me.

Jackie: Mrs. Goldberg?
Beverly: I've come on behalf of my boy.
Jackie: Uh, what exactly is happening here?
Beverly: It's like that book "Cyrano," where his mom comes and speaks on behalf of her son. Okay, I've never read it, but I know I'm close.
Mrs. Geary: Who's down there? What's going on?
Beverly: Oh, it's okay. It's Beverly Goldberg, Adam's mom. I'm just appealing to your daughter to reconsider my son as a romantic prospect.
Mrs. Geary: Shouldn't your son be doing that?
Beverly: Well, she kind of caught him in a lie, which is all my fault. The point is, this is what mamas do. Right?

Beverly: See, this is what I wanted to show you The Real Adam. Here he is as a one-eyed drifter.
Jackie: Snake Plissken.
Beverly: Ooh! An adventure boy with a whip.
Jackie: Indiana Jones.
Beverly: An underwater devil.
Jackie: Aquaman.
Beverly: See? Adam would correct me, too. You are totally made for each other.

Mrs. Geary: I get the feeling you are right. Every Aquaman needs a Super Gal.
Jackie: Wonder Woman. And she's from the Amazon, not the deep ocean.
Mrs. Geary:Aww, baby, nobody cares but you.
Beverly: And my son. It's so off-putting and cute.

Adam: Mom? Are you kidding me?
Beverly: Boopie, where's your jacket? It's cold out.
Adam: I didn't have time to put it on.
Beverly: You're gonna get a sniffle.
Adam: It's really not that cold out.
Beverly: You say that, but your face is very flushed.
Adam: Could we not have this discussion?
Beverly: You know, if you're not wearing a jacket, you should at least be wearing a hat.
Adam: Mom!
Beverly: That's what happens when you get all hot-
Adam: Stop!
Beverly: -outside when it's cold.
Adam: Stop.
Beverly: Think of horses.
Adam: I'm begging you, please!
Beverly: You're gonna be in the hospital-
Adam: Mom!
Beverly: With pneumonia, writing things down-
Adam: Mom!
Beverly: On a chalk board because you can't talk.
Adam: Stop.
Beverly: And then we're gonna have to have that whole discussion about-
Adam: (groans)
Beverly: do we take out Adam's tonsils?

Jackie: Your mom actually made it better.
Adam: For real? So you still want to go to prom?
Jackie: Is a nerf herder scruffy-looking?
Mrs. Geary: Jackie, no one knows what that is.
Adam: I do. She said "Yes."

Adam: Just ignore everything my mom said. I swear I really am the person you thought I was. Except I really don't get "Lord of the Rings." They just walk and talk and walk more.

Beverly: I can't believe my babies are growing up. One's graduating, the other's going to prom. Thank God I still have Adam to focus everything on.
Adam: Wait. What?
Beverly: Don't worry, pickle. It'll be wonderful. We'll be together morning, noon, and night.
Adam: Barry, please. Take me with you in the hot-air balloon.