Dr. Whitehorn: But look, for now before tomorrow's group session, I'd like to ask questions.
Will: Oh, cool, questions. Knock yourself out.
Dr. Whitehorn: Okay. Uh, where do you see yourselves ten years from now?
Will: Ah, that's an easy one. Ten years, I see us, you know kind of like the Huxtables, you know. Except I'm not gonna be delivering babies, I'm gonna be making them, you know what I'm saying? You know. But first, I figure we'd start out with Will, Jr., you know. Then Willfred, then Willoughby, then Willard, you know. Then Willis.
Lisa: Will, stop.
Will: "Will Stop"? [scoffs] That ain't no good name. Now, Willstafa, you know. That's strong, you know, like, kind of a Lion King kind of feel. You know, Will Simba.

Hilary: Geoffrey, you look wonderful. Is that a new suit?
Geoffrey: It was, 20 years ago.
Hilary: [laughs] Oh, that's funny. Oh, since I moved out I have really missed your sense of humor, Geoffrey. Your wit, your charm... your wit. Your... Oh, who are we kidding? I need you to come work for me.
Geoffrey: Miss Hilary, I already have a job.
Hilary: Well, then, just part-time. Look, I'm a career woman. I don't have time to dust and push around that... Oh, what do you call that big loud thing that sucks up everything?
Geoffrey: You call him "Daddy." Look, I'm sorry, Miss Hilary, but he'd never allow me to moonlight. I'm expected to be on call for his 3 a.m. feeding.

Hilary: I'll just use you in between meals. Daddy will never even know you're gone.
Geoffrey: Are you suggesting that I lie?
Hilary: Big time.
Geoffrey: Miss Hilary, I couldn't. I've worked for your father for 20 years. He's seen me through some very hard times. Even paid for my dear mother's cataract surgery.
Hilary: The extra money could get you that Beemer.
Geoffrey: Well, it's not as if he gave her a kidney.

Dr. Whitehorn: Okay, let's try role reversal.
George Jefferson: No, unh-unh.
Dr. Whitehorn: It'll give you insight into how your partner perceives you. Now, who'd like to go first?
Lisa: Oh, I'd like to.
Dr. Whitehorn: Oh, great, Lisa. Show us Will.
Lisa: [as Will] Who the man? I'm the man. Because I ain't spending no 4.95 on some stank skeezer to take her to the salad bar. If a honey wants to go with me to the Sizzler, she gots to be all that. She gots to look good. Yeah. [fist bumps George Jefferson] You know. Because I'm the man.
Will: Nicely done.

Louise Jefferson: Oh, that is so juvenile.
Lisa: I know it. I have never seen anything so stupid.
Louise Jefferson: You calling my husband stupid? Honey, the only thing stupid here is your big-eared boyfriend. He looks like a car coming down the road with both doors open.
Lisa: [removes her earrings] Oh, no, Miss Thing. It's on now.
Louise Jefferson: All right, sister, bring it on.

Ashley: Geoffrey, where have you been?
Philip: Yes. Last thing you said was: "I just need to step outside for a little fresh air. I'll be right back." That was seven hours ago.
Geoffrey: Aw, don't get into a hissy fit, sir. I left dinner in the oven.
Ashley: Oh, thank goodness. I thought we were gonna have to eat what Daddy gave us.
Carlton: God help us. You'd think a guy who eats so much would at least know his way around the kitchen.

Lisa: Um, Will, we're sitting over here.
Will: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Now, there you go trying to tell me where to sit. Look here. I sit when and where I please. You know what I'm saying? Because I'm the man. I'm the man. Now, you give me one good reason why I should sit over there.
Lisa: Because your name is on the seat.
Will: I knew that. And you know how I knew that?
Women: Because you're the man.
Will: You see what I'm saying? They recognize.

Will: Man, she always been like that?
George Jefferson: No, she used to be mean. Ha-ha-ha. We tied the knot 40 years ago and I've been swinging from it ever since. [both laugh]
Will: Yeah, I hear you. Sure, there's women like that make you realize why God made darkness.
George Jefferson: [laughs] Hey, man!
Will: What?
George Jefferson: You insulting my wife?
Will: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up a second there, cul-de-sac. Look, I am twice your size and half your age. You need to chill out a little bit.
George Jefferson: Your mama.
Will: Oh, no. You didn't just talk about my mother.
George Jefferson: Okay. Well, I'll talk about your daddy instead. Your daddy is so fat that when he went to school he sat next to everybody. But still he wasn't as fat as your fat mama.

Philip: No. Now, look, look, Will. Look, marriage is difficult at any age. Now, all counseling will do is give you tools to make your relationship work. I mean, you wouldn't drive a car without taking at least a few lessons first.
Will: Look here, Uncle Phil, I'm from Philly. You know what I mean? I was driving when I was 11, you know. Of course, that was in the good old days before The Club. Hear what I'm saying? That'll put a crimp in the plans, you know.

Lisa: I just wanted to come over and say thank you for fixing my sink.
Will: Oh, cool.
Lisa: Um, baby, how about meeting me for a little midnight swim?
Will: Ooh. You got that, baby. Where?
Lisa: My living room. Thanks to you, my apartment is flooded. It will be days until I can get back in there.
Will: Oh, I'm sorry, baby. I'm usually pretty handy with stuff like that. Tell her, y'all. Didn't I just fix the toaster?
[As the toaster dings in the kitchen, a slice of toast flies into the living room.]
Will: See? Before it wouldn't even get past the door.
Ashley: Thanks, Will. In the morning, I'll set it on dark and it'll meet me at school.