‘Will Is From Mars’
Season 5, Episode 17 - Aired February 20, 1995
Uncle Phil offers to pay for Will and Lisa's honeymoon if they go to marriage counseling. At their group therapy session, they meet George (Sherman Hemsley) and Louise (Isabel Sanford). Meanwhile, Hilary tries to lure Geoffrey to work at her house.
Quote from Carlton
Lisa: Maybe I should call my friend Denise, see if I can stay over there.
Will: What you talking about? You can stay in the pool house with us.
Lisa: Carlton, is that okay with you?
Carlton: [over enthusiastically] Are you kidding? Sure. I love a good old-fashioned sleepover. What say we rent a musical, pop some corn and after that, dare I say, Yahtzee?
Will: Dare I say... [slaps Carlton's head]
Carlton: Ow!
Quote from Will
Will: [in Spanish accent] Hey, Lucy, I home.
Lisa: Hey, baby.
Will: No, Lucy, don't even try. You cannot be in the show. [normal voice] Hey, girl. Man, what is that smell?
Lisa: Oh, it's my chicken stew.
Will: Girl, exactly what part of that chicken are you cooking?
Lisa: Come here, boy, I want you to taste it.
Will: Why? I- I- I mean, I'd love to, baby.
Lisa: I made it especially for you.
Will: Oh, thank you. [coughing] Oh, damn, I swallowed it!
Lisa: What?
Will: Oh, and it was finger-licking good, baby.
Quote from Will
Philip: Your aunt and I have been talking about this. We just wanna make sure that you get off to the best start possible. Which is why we're giving you this little engagement present.
Will: "Note: Buy Reese's Pieces for desk jar."
Philip: Other side.
Will: Oh. My fault.
Lisa: "Dr. Whitehorn. Psychologist"?
Philip: His specialty is relationship counseling.
Lisa: Oh, Mr. Banks, Will and I are in love. We don't need any counseling.
Will: Yeah. But I could damn sure go for some Reese's Pieces.
Quote from Will
Will: Hey, I guess what I'm trying to say is, you know, we don't need to be here. We happy. Tell him, baby.
Lisa: Yes, very happy.
Will: Yeah. Hey, you know them little yellow smiley faces? Just put some Hershey syrup on them, you got us, you know.
Dr. Whitehorn: Great. Then all I have to do is give you the skills to maintain that enthusiasm.
Will: Oh, if you mean what I think you mean, I got skills, you know.
Dr. Whitehorn: Actually, I was talking about interpersonal relationship skills.
Will: Oh, yeah, that's what I meant. That's what I was thinking.
Quote from Geoffrey
Hilary: Well, that new little Beemer of yours runs like a dream, doesn't it? [laughs]
Geoffrey: How should I know? You've been hogging it ever since I signed the papers.
Hilary: Just come on upstairs. You know that table in Daddy's study? I need you to carry it out to the car.
Geoffrey: It's a pool table.
Hilary: Duh. [laughs]
Geoffrey: Miss Hilary, I'm sorry, but I have duties here to attend to. Besides, I'm still worn out from last night.
Hilary: Oh, please. I just had you do a little yard work.
Geoffrey: I don't believe blacktopping your tennis court falls into that category.
Hilary: You are so lazy.
Geoffrey: Not too lazy to quit.
Quote from Will
Dr. Whitehorn: Well, tonight we're here to benefit from each other's experiences. Those of who are just starting out and others who have had long and nurturing relationships.
George Jefferson: [o.s.] Get the lead out, Weezy.
Louise Jefferson: [o.s.] I'm walking as fast as I can, George.
Dr. Whitehorn: Hello, Louise, George.
George Jefferson: Hey, Whitey.
Dr. Whitehorn: That's, uh.. That's Dr. Whitehorn.
George Jefferson: Yeah, yeah, Horny. Where do you want me to sit? Never mind. I'll sit wherever I want, because I'm the man. I'm the man.
Quote from Will
Dr. Whitehorn: Tonight, why don't we begin with a simple exercise? I'd like each one of you to say three things that you like about your partner, okay? Uh, George, why don't you start?
[George folds his arms]
Louise Jefferson: Well?
George Jefferson: Well, what?
Louise Jefferson: The man said to name three things you like about me.
George Jefferson: Fine. Your mother died. Your mother is dead. Your mother ain't living no more.
[Will laughs uproariously until Lisa gives him the evils, at which point he pretends to be coughing]
Quote from Will
Will: I believe it's my turn.
Dr. Whitehorn: Go ahead, Will.
Will: Um... Oh, excuse- Um, can I borrow this for a second?
[Will almost strangles Louise Jefferson as he tries to take her scarf]
Will: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. [as Lisa] Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. You want some popcorn? Tsk. Why you screaming? What, I'm supposed to be a cook, a cleaner do everything you want. What you gonna do? Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Listen, you need to stop acting so stupid. You need to get a job, do something, so you can buy me something nice. You never bought me nothing nice. You just be acting all dumb. And why you talking about your uncle all the time? He ain't fat. He is big-boned.
George Jefferson: And I thought I had it bad. [laughs]
Louise Jefferson: And it's about to get worse.
George Jefferson: Ow!
Quote from Will
Will: Hey, you know, it actually helped us out a lot. We decided we're not gonna get married in September.
Philip: Ooh. Okay, if that's your decision.
Will: Yeah. We're gonna move the wedding up to May. You know, I mean, we saw tonight that we got our little petty differences, but when push come to shove, we've got each other's back.
Philip: Well, I'm really glad you're getting along. That's still no reason to move up your wedding.
Will: Well, you know, that's not the only reason. We wanna miss the rainy season in the motherland. That's where you're sending us for our honeymoon. Oh. [kisses Uncle Phil] That's from the travel agent. She says she could retire on this one. [laughs]
Lisa: Thanks.
Quote from Geoffrey
Philip: Pinch me, Geoffrey.
Geoffrey: Not on what you're paying me. But for $35,000, I'll slap you silly.