Geoffrey: Miss Cindy Norris.
Cindy: Hey, Will.
Will: Hey, what's up, baby?
Cindy: I am so excited about going to the game. Do you think they're gonna have that great pasta salad?
Will: Hey, look, baby, the plans have kind of been changed a little bit.
Hilary: Yeah, I hope you brought rubber shoes.
Ashley: Let's go, Dad. We're gonna be late.
Carlton: Yeah, last time they ran out of pasta salad.
Philip: Will, are you gonna go with us or not?
Will: I'm sorry. Look, that's just not my style, Uncle Phil. I'm not riding in no Benz. We'll just take Cindy's Miata.

Will: Come here, baby. I need to talk to you. Look, you know, about this homecoming thing look, I know I said we were gonna go with Carlton and his date but things have changed.
Cindy: Oh, Will, you are so wonderful.
Will: Man, you take bad news better than anybody I ever met.
Cindy: See, I think it's really romantic that you want to have me all to yourself.
Will: Wait, hold on. See, that ain't exactly it.
Cindy: I am so excited about homecoming. Do you know I worked 80 extra hours just so I could pay for my dress? But it is so cute, you're gonna love it. It's cut very low in the front. I wonder if it shows too much cleavage.
Will: Umm... About how many corsages you gonna be needing?

Carlton: Tina, we need to talk.
Tina: Oh, Carlton, those khaki pants make you look so Field and Stream. Take me camping.
Carlton: Tina, I'm at my wit's end. Look, it's bad enough you call me every hour on the hour when I'm home but I don't appreciate being paged at school.
Tina: I'm so sorry. I try to sound official.
Carlton: Well, I don't think anyone believed you were Colin Powell. It's obvious there could never be anything between us. Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you?
Tina: Yes, Carlton, I do.
Carlton: Good. I'm gonna go study now.
Tina: Studying? That is so cool. Are you going to highlight or underline?
Carlton: None of your beeswax!

Will: Hey, you know, Ashley, that's beautiful. I think those two are a match made in midget heaven.
Ashley: Will, are you coming to the science fair to see me do my volcano presentation?
Will: Look, I'm sorry, Ash. I'd like to, but I can't.
Ashley: Why not?
Will: l got a job.
Ashley: [laughs] Yeah, right, and I can't go, either. A dog ate my volcano.
Will: No, I'm serious. I'm waiting tables at Treasure Island. I want to pay for the homecoming.
Ashley: Oh, you couldn't lie to Daddy about his weight, either?

Carlton: [o.s.] No, Tina. I don't care if you can get in for half price. I'm not taking you to see Jungle Fever!

Philip: Vivian, take a look at this. Will's basketball coach says he hasn't been to practice all week.
Vivian: His English teacher called and said he's been falling asleep in class.
Philip: And he missed curfew twice this week.
Carlton: By my count it was four times. But I'll go check my videotape.

Carlton: That waiter has been exceedingly discourteous. I can't put my finger on it, but the way he treats me reminds me of someone.
Ashley: Well, I think the waiter's really nice, and I bet he's really honest, too.
Tina: I like his eye patch, makes him look kind of dangerous.
Carlton: You know, table tennis isn't exactly safe.

Ashley: Thank you for my iced tea. You are really fast, reliable, and trustworthy.
Tina: I really like your beard.
Carlton: Tina, I doubt if it's real, and there's a French-fry in it.
Philip: Waiter? This soda's flat.
Will: Aye, you don't say, sir. [blows through the straw] Try that.
Philip: Well, that does it. You are the rudest, most incompetent waiter I've ever met.
Will: I'm not a waiter. According to my uncle, I don't even have a job.

Philip: Vivian, I think I've made a mistake.
Tina: So have l. Carlton, you were my third love, and I'll never forget you but I like Will now. He's dressed like an idiot, and he's still so cool.
Carlton: He's not the only guy who can dress like an idiot.

Philip: Can I talk to you for a minute? Look, uh, I'm human. Sometimes I make mistakes. Now, I admit I had some preconceived ideas about you. Mainly that you just didn't care about anything. But I guess I'm gonna have to let that go, because today you've shown me that you are a very, very fine young man and I just want us to be closer together.
Man: What did you say, pervert?
Philip: Oh, I'm sorry. l-
Man: Look, man, this is Treasure Island, okay? Now, Pleasure Island, that's a block down the street.
Philip: I thought-
Man: No, I know what you thought but if you'll notice, the parrot is sitting on my left shoulder.