Jameson: All right, Will, Innermark Industries. Do we buy this stock or not?
Will: Well, look, that's what I came to talk to you about. I don't think I'm in any position to give you financial advice. I'm only 17.
Jameson: Did you say 17? This is a sign. Will, look at this. This machine gives me stock quotes. What price has Innermark been trading at all day?
Will: Seventeen.
Jameson: You've done it again, Will. I'm calling my broker.
Will: Hey, wait, man, I really don't think you should-
Jameson: [on the phone] Miles? Buy me one million shares of Innermark Industries. Right. Done.
Will: Wait. You bought a million shares of stock because I told you I was 17?
Jameson: That's right.
Will: Wait, man, this is just one big coincidence. Besides, I'm about to turn 18.
Jameson: Did you say 18?
Will: No.
Jameson: Yes, you did. Look at this, Will. The stock just went up to $18. You just made me $1 million.
Will: That doesn't mean anything, Mr. Whitworth.
Jameson: Will, I can understand you being frightened by your powers. But there are forces at work in the universe beyond our understanding. Don't fight them, Will. Learn to accept them and there will always be a place for you here. [Will looks at the stuffed dog]

Ashley: You know, Will's been gone for hours. I wonder how his meeting with Mr. Whitworth is going.
Vivian: Nothing to worry about, Ashley. Traffic from Mars is very heavy this time of day.

Hilary: Okay, I know the solution. I'm going to demand a raise.
Philip: Hilary, you've only been there a week. Nobody starts at the top.
[Will enters wearing a fancy suit, designer shades, holding a leather briefcase, and talking on a cell phone]
Will: [on the phone] Yeah. Lunch on the company yacht? Yeah, that sounds great, Jameson. Let's say you have the limo pick me up, uh, noon-ish. Yeah, all right. Peace back at you, babe.

Carlton: Will, I want you to return all that stuff before the cops get here.
Will: What are you tripping? J gave me this stuff as a little thank-you gift.
Philip: For what?
Will: I made him $1 million.
Hilary: Well, that may seem like a lot, Will, but wait till they take out all the taxes.
Vivian: Will, how did you make Jameson $1 million?
Will: To be honest, I have no idea. Jameson seems to think I'm good luck.
Philip: Will, there's no such thing as good luck or bad luck.
Carlton: Yes, there is. I've got bad luck.

Ashley: You look handsome, Will. Nice suit.
Will: Oh, you like it, Ash? Custom-made. Size 42, extra fly.

Will: You know, when you work for Whitworth, you get all the fringe benefits.
Geoffrey: Does he need a butler? Just asking. For a friend.

Vivian: Will, you don't really think you're capable of giving financial advice, do you?
Will: Aunt Viv, there are forces at work in this universe that are beyond our understanding. And if these forces want to give me a limo, a cellular phone, and an Armani suit, who are we to argue with them?
Philip: Will, I sent you there to get out of this arrangement with Jameson and now you're in deeper than before.
Will: I know. I just feel terrible. Am I showing enough cuff?

Philip: [on the phone] Yes, Philip Banks for Jameson Whitworth. Jameson, yes, I've been talking to Will here. And first of all, I'd like to say he's very flattered but it's a little risky having a high-school student give financial advice. And as your lawyer, I'd advise you put an end to it. Oh sure, you want to talk to him yourself? Okay.
Will: [takes phone] Yo, J. What up, coolie-bop? Really? Really? Yeah, if that's the way you want it, that's cool. All right. Peace. [hangs up]
Philip: So, what did he say?
Will: Uncle Phil, you're fired.

Philip: So, is Mr. Whitworth ready to see us yet?
Gladys: Well, he's still in there talking to his homey, so you'll just have to chill.
Henry Furth: All right. We can't afford to lose Whitworth's account. We need a game plan.
Philip: I thought we had agreed on groveling.
Henry Furth: Yes, but we need to straighten out the order in which we grovel. I'll go first. Since my father founded the law firm, I can make an emotional plea. And, Philip, you can remind him of all our dedicated service to his company.
Peter: What do I say?
Henry Furth: Nothing. You're only here because his lucky number is three.
Peter: Of course.

Will: J, come on, man, you've got to meet with them. They're sitting right outside.
Jameson: Straight up, pop. I'm sorry, but the aura is wack.
Will: What did you say, Sparky?
Jameson: He's talking? He hasn't talked in weeks.
Will: You think it's a good idea to have the meeting?
Jameson: Word?
Will: What's that? Go ahead with the meeting? Send them in right away. Well, there you have it. Sparky says have the meeting.
Jameson: Well, all right. It's two against one.