Jameson: I have to make it quick. I have to get back to the office. I'm making a major investment in Thornton Pharmaceuticals. Maybe I'll get lucky again, Will.
Will: That's wack.
Jameson: "Wack." In what sense of the word?
Will: It's Saturday afternoon. All you're thinking about is work. That's got to be hurting you with the girlies.
Philip: Will, please.
Will: Man, I say forget about the office, forget about that stock. Just max and relax.
Jameson: Huh?
Will: Kick back and enjoy yourself. Go home and let your wife know she's still got it.
Jameson: You're right. Doggone it, you're right.
Will: Doggone it, I'm right.

Carlton: Geoffrey, I really think I made an impression on Mr. Whitworth.
Geoffrey: Ah, and was your sucking up as successful as you'd hoped?
Carlton: I'll say. And now I'm gonna apply for a summer job with his company.
Ashley: But, Carlton, Dad's his lawyer. Isn't that kind of using a connection?
Carlton: Well, duh.

Jameson: Vivian, I brought this for you.
Vivian: What is it?
Jameson: It's a sprig of wolfsbane. Hang it over your kitchen door and all will be well.
Vivian: But Jameson, everything's fine in our kitchen.
Jameson: That you know of.

Will: Hey, what's up, J?
Jameson: I'll tell you what. You saved me a lot of money.
Will: Word?
Jameson: On the golf course, you told me not to buy Thornton Pharmaceuticals. The stock dropped 10 points today.
Philip: Jameson, I think you're reading a little too much into this.
Will: Yeah, man, I don't know nothing about stocks. It was just luck.
Jameson: Precisely. You're a good-luck charm. I would've lost millions, but thanks to my "Yo, homey" here... I didn't.
Will: Oh, so what you're saying is thanks to me, you got lucky twice yesterday.
Jameson: Three times. The wife girlie will be smiling for months. You have a bright future, young man.

Jameson: There are many forces at work in the universe, Will. For example, the power in numbers. The four arms of the Mutable Cross, Virgo. When the moon is in the seventh house. The sixth-ray energies, Saturn to Neptune, the seventh sun, born for good luck, all numbers.
Philip: Yeah. Jameson, why don't I fix you a drink?
Jameson: Oh, I don't drink. I like to keep my mind clear.
Vivian: I think he's cleared it out pretty well.

Jameson: My lucky numbers have always been three and seven. Will, when's your birthday?
Will: July 3.
Jameson: What year?
Will: 1973.
Jameson: So you were born on 7-3-73... my lucky numbers.
Philip: Jameson, that's just a coincidence.
Jameson: Coincidence? I don't think so.
Carlton: I was born August 4, 1974.
Jameson: [jumps back] A Leo?

Jameson: Will, I have an assignment for you. I want you to go through these files. They're about a company called lnnermark. I've been analyzing the data for months trying to decide whether or not I should buy it.
Will: Yo man, you want me to read all this?
Jameson: That's not necessary. Just feel the pages. Tell me what kind of energy you get back.
Philip: Jameson, I have to say this all sounds a little, well...
Vivian: lnsane?
Philip: Unorthodox. You have an excellent brokerage firm to advise you on investments.
Will: Yo, J, straight up, I don't know nothing about this stuff.
Jameson: Will, you don't know that you know but believe me, you know.
Will: Man, I don't know.

Jameson: Philip, Vivian, have a nice day.
Vivian: Why is that man running loose on the streets without medication?
Philip: He's a little eccentric, Vivian, but he has a brilliant financial mind.
Vivian: Oh, he does? Philip, why don't you tell Will about Sparky?
Philip: I don't think we need to go into that.
Vivian: Last year Jameson was taking all of his stock advice from his dog.
Philip: That's untrue, Vivian. He only took tax advice from Sparky.
Vivian: Then, last spring, Sparky met with an untimely run-in with a milk truck but of course, that didn't stop Jameson from talking to him.
Will: He talks to the spirit of a dead dog?
Philip: No, no, no, no. He had him stuffed and put in his office.

Will: Uncle Phil, why do you humor this guy? The planet he's on ain't even been discovered yet.
Philip: He's an important client and he's just entrusted you with a very serious financial decision. This has got to be handled delicately.
Will: Man, what am I supposed to do?
Philip: Tomorrow, you to go down to Whitworth's Capital Investments find Jameson Whitworth and tell him that you're a 17-year-old kid and you're in no position to give financial advice.
Vivian: Exactly. That's Sparky's job.

Gladys: Your main man is in effect, Mr. Whitworth.
Jameson: Thank you, Gladys. Will, come in.
Will: Hey, what's going on, J?
Both: [shake hands] Pssh!
Will: You know, I just wanted to come so... [sees stuffed dog; screams]
Jameson: Is something wrong, Will?
Will: Uh, no. Look, I'm a little pressed for time, so let's just get right to the point.