Carlton: Dad, can I say something?
Philip: What is it, Carlton?
Carlton: You forgot the part about Will getting arrested.
Will: Oh, y'all trying to play me like that, right? What if he told you that you couldn't wear plaid anymore?
Carlton: Don't joke about that, Will.

Will: Hey, and what if he told you that you couldn't entertain men in the Jacuzzi anymore?
Vivian: When did you have a man in the Jacuzzi?
Hilary: This isn't about me. It's about Will.

Will: Come on y'all. It's about all of us. I mean, look, we're young adults here. I mean, we have a right to our own opinions.
Ashley: Yeah! [hides between Will]
Will: Look, today it's my beeper, tomorrow it's going to be who you can date or how to vote, or what college to go to.
Carlton: [scoffs] That's such bulldoody. Dad knows I'm going to Yale.
Philip: You're going to Princeton.
Carlton: I don't want to go to Princeton.

Will: Look Uncle Phil, I'm saying, what's the difference between me wearing this, and you in the sixties? You wore a dashiki and an afro.
Philip: But I was making a cultural statement. You're just drawing attention to yourself.
Will: But, now correct me if I'm wrong but you don't think a 6'3", 250lb Black dude in a dashiki and an afro the size of West Philly is drawing attention to himself?
Philip: Will, I am just trying to save you from going through the same hassles that I went through.
Will: But I'm saying, why would you want to? Look how good you turned out.

[After Philip walks up and rubs Vivian's shoulders]
Vivian: A little lower, Geoffrey.
Philip: Geoffrey?
Vivian: Oh, hi, honey. It's you! The kids aren't back from the airport with Will yet.
Philip: In that case, I have an idea.
Vivian: Ooh, take no prisoners, Daddy.

Will: Hey, Uncle Phil, you look great, man. You look like you lost some... hair.
Philip: Looks like the whole Jackson family could live in those pants.
Ashley: Daddy, that's how all the brothers are dressing in Philly.
Philip: No wonder Willy Williams moved to LA.

Hilary: Daddy, I need $500. Will!
Will: Hil!
Hilary: Daddy, I need $500.
Will: Hil, you should really consider expanding your vocabulary a little.
Vivian: Hilary, honey, if it's for the barbecue we're catering this afternoon, we have already paid you.
Hilary: Well, it's not for the barbecue. I just want $500.
Will: Come on, Hil, please, at least kiss him first.

Will: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold it, hold it, hold it. What about my freedom to express myself?
Ashley: Will, back off. The big, fat vein in Daddy's head is starting to throb.
Hilary: Yeah, and he hasn't given me my money yet.
Will: No, come on, Hil, we cool. You know it ain't really serious till his right eye start twitching. [Phil's eye starts twitching] Okay, posse up.

Carlton: Will, you must change.
Will: Carlton, you must grow.
Carlton: Will, you better change before Dad sees you.
Will: What are you talking about, man? I'm making a statement.
Carlton: What statement? "I'm out on parole"?

Philip: Well, let me clarify it for you, Will. Get rid of the hair, get rid of the clothes, and give me the beeper.
Will: I don't really think that Stacy's your type, Uncle Phil.
Philip: Do you think that just because there are a lot of people around you can defy me openly and get away with it?
Will: Well, I was kind of hoping, since...
Philip: Get upstairs!
Will: Uncle Phil, man, why you making such a big deal about this?
Philip: Boy, as long as you live in my house, you will do what I say.
Will: Maybe I won't be in your house, then.
Philip: Good.
Will: Well, all right.
Philip: Yeah.
Will: Well, I'm out of here, then.
Philip: Bye. And what are you looking at, Whitey?