Noah: Hey, so what time you coming back tomorrow?
Will: Oh, I can't make it tomorrow, man. I got school and everything, you know.
Noah: Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, I'll get with you next weekend, then.
Will: Oh, man. Well, I can't make it next weekend, you know I got a date on Saturday and then I got a ball game on Sunday. So, you know how it is, man.
Noah: Yeah, I know how it is. You're not coming back.
Will: Wait, whoa, whoa. Hold up, man, I'm coming back.
Noah: No, you're not, man. I bet you feel pretty good about yourself, don't you? I mean, you come down here, do the right thing then you go home patting yourself on the back 'cause you helped out the poor folk.
Will: Wait. Hold up, man. Yo, I'm from Philly. We had to save up to be poor. Why you sweating me like this man, what's up?
Noah: 'Cause, you're just like all the rest of them. You come around here with the X cap and them cool Doc Martens and you're all "dope" and "word to your mother." And you think that makes you committed? Let me tell you something, this ain't no game. And if you think that it is, then maybe you should go home 'cause you're not welcome here. Tell Dan Quayle I said, "What's up."
Will: Oh, oh, oh, oh! Now I'm not welcome here, right? Well, you got your story a little wrong, homey. This community appreciates me. I don't even know Dan Quayle.

[flashback:]
Young Carlton: Mom, Dad, I've been thinking it over and I've decided what I want to be when I grow up.
Young Will: What, tall?
Young Vivian: That's nice, honey, what?
Young Carlton: President of the United States.
Young Philip: Well, that would make me very proud, Carlton. Imagine, my son, the country's first Black president.
Young Carlton: I'm Black?

Philip: Will, get your feet off the furniture.
Will: Oh, I'm sorry about that, Uncle Phil.
Philip: Why aren't you doing your homework?
Will: No, see, I was just-
Philip: How many times have I told you not to eat on the couch? And while we're on the subject...
[Will zaps Uncle Phil with the remote and he disappears]
Will: [to camera] It's kind of fly, right? Don't you wish you lived on TV? Shabba!

Will: Boy, Uncle Phil and Aunt Viv sure are hyped up about going down to their old neighborhood.
Carlton: Brother, I can just hear them now: "Look, kids, this is where we lived when we first got married. And this is the little park where we walked little Hilary."
Will: "And, oh look, there's the pet store where we bought little Carlton."

Ashley: I think it's cute. They're going to be mushy and lovey-dovey all day.
Philip: Vivian, what the hell is the matter with you? You've been avoiding me ever since I got home yesterday. What did I do? Come on, tell me. Is it something that I did, or something that I didn't do or... Oh, my God. [takes artificial flowers out of a vase] Happy anniversary, sweetheart.
Vivian: It's not our anniversary, Philip.
Philip: Oh, God, good.

Carlton: Listen, Simone, why don't you come by the school on Monday, we're debating Roe v. Wade.
Simone: Oh, reproductive rights!
Carlton: No, row versus wade: the best way to cross a stream. [laughs]
Simone: You've got a great sense of humor.
Carlton: Yeah, I know.

Philip: It's Vivian. I don't know what's gotten into her. This morning she told me that I've become too...
Geoffrey: Predictable, sir?
Philip: Yes, that's exactly what she said. She said that I wear the same...
Geoffrey: Blue shirt every weekend, sir?
Philip: Yes, I mean, just because a man has...
Geoffrey: Froot Loops every morning.
Philip: Just because I watch...
Geoffrey: Legal Beagles every night.
Philip: Does that mean that I've become predictable?
Geoffrey: Absolutely not, sir. Why, you're a regular hotbed of spontaneity. You're welcome.
Philip: Thank you.

Hilary: I had a fabulous time, Wesley. Why don't you come in? Oh, don't be silly, they won't be up for hours. [sees Philip] Night, Sister Mary Margaret. Daddy, have you lost weight?
Philip: Hilary.
Will: Whoa, Sister Mary Margaret drives a Porsche? Man, they must got it going on down at the convent, huh?
Philip: Hilary, what were you doing out all night?
Hilary: Oh, I wasn't out all night, I just got up early to go to mass.
Philip: We're not Catholic.
Hilary: Well, is my face red. Good night.

Philip: I guess you're really disappointed in me, huh, Vivian?
Vivian: Why?
Philip: 'Cause I sold out. Did everything I said I wouldn't do. Became a high-powered lawyer, bought that house in Bel-Air, and never looked back.
Vivian: Philip, honey, you shouldn't feel guilty about your success. Baby, nobody gave you anything. You have worked hard for everything you've got. You've been generous and you've contributed to a lot of causes.
Philip: It takes more than just writing a check. I've lost myself, I've lost my fire, my passion. You're right, Vivian, I have become dull and predictable.
Vivian: Philip.
Philip: I want to be the kind of man you fell in love with. I want to be open to risks, I want to take chances.

Carlton: What's with Dad, anyway, waking us up at 6:00 a.m? Now I'll never know how that dream ends.
Ashley: She dumps you, Carlton.