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‘Striptease for Two’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Striptease for Two

224. Striptease for Two

Aired May 4, 1992

After investing money they don't have in a stock tip, Will and Carlton need to find some cash.

Quote from Philip

Philip: Is there more?
Carlton: I'm afraid so, Dad. We never got the clasp fixed on Mom's bracelet.
Philip: [chuckles] You never got the... [laughs; Will & Carlton start laughing] I don't know what to say. [all still laughing]
Will: We don't.
Philip: What can I do? What do you boys think I should do?
Will: I don't know. Reward us for our honesty? [all laugh uproariously] Hey, it worked for the Beave.
Philip: The Beave! [shouts] Do I look like a White guy named Ward? Now, you get that bracelet back and for the next six weeks I don't want to hear you breathe. Or I'm calling the Feds myself.
Will: I guess this probably ain't the best time to tell him we ran over the mailbox.

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Quote from Geoffrey

Geoffrey: Ah, my financial advisors have arrived. Moron! Fathead!
Carlton: l didn't know the Dodgers were playing.
Geoffrey: They're not, thieving wankers.

Quote from Geoffrey

Philip: This is a delicious meal, Geoffrey. You've outdone yourself.
Geoffrey: You're too kind, sir. Moron! Fathead!
Vivian: Geoffrey, must you listen to the Dodgers game during dinner?
Geoffrey: I'm terribly sorry, madam. But it is the bottom of the ninth, bases are loaded. However, I will maintain my professionalism. Bunt, you pasty-faced sod! Peas?

Quote from Will

Carlton: Will, give me all your money.
Will: I'm sorry, Carlton. I don't feel like playing 7-Eleven.
Carlton: This isn't a game, Will. I know you have $50, and I need it.
Will: Oh, forget it, man. $50? I could take 25 women out to dinner.

Quote from Carlton

Carlton: Look, listen carefully, Will. And I know you can hear me with ears that big. Biff's dad is a bankruptcy lawyer and according to him, Westworld Airlines is about to fall prey to a corporate raider.
Will: Word? Man, I don't believe that. A corporate raider? What the bloody hell are you talking about?
Geoffrey: It's called inside information, and it's quite illegal.
Carlton: So is that French nanny you're dating.
Geoffrey: Enough said.
Carlton: The point is I've only got $50, and I need $100 to buy the stock.
Will: All right, just let me think about it for a little while, all right? No.
Carlton: Will, take my hand, come out of the ghetto and take a stroll down Wall Street. You see, we buy stock in Westworld Airlines today for $2 a share. And by Friday, it's worth $8. Now, when you take a girl out to dinner, they can get something to eat, too.

Quote from Will

Male voice: [on TV] Here's a Wall Street update. The SEC has suspended trading of Westworld Air pending an announcement.
Will: Come on, Carlton, translate.
Carlton: How can I put this in terms he'll understand? More money, more money, more money. Man, I'm gonna get me the best girlfriend money can buy.
Will: Come on, man, you gotta think investment. See, I'm gonna go out and get me a Burger King, right? And then I'm gonna hire some topless counter girls and then I'm gonna really have it my way.

Quote from Geoffrey

Geoffrey: Ah, Master Will.
Will: Hey, G.
Geoffrey: The Boogie Buns Agency called. It appears you have a job this evening.
Will: Bad! My first gig. Hey, where is it?
Geoffrey: The address is on the counter.
Will: All right.
Geoffrey: Oh, and they also requested that you bring a spare G-string.
Will: There's an explanation for that, G.
Geoffrey: [covers ears and hums]

Quote from Will

Will: Yeah, man, I'm here for the gig.
Jacques: You? You are here to perform for the ladies?
Will: That's right.
Jacques: Of course you are.
Will: I'm serious, where are the other guys at? I gotta get changed.
Jacques: Other guys?
Will: Yeah, when I auditioned they said I'd be second on the bill. Between King Thong and Rambro.

Quote from Will

Will: Hello there, Agnes. My, that's a lovely tattoo. You know, the knife dripping blood really sets off your eyes.
Agnes: I did it myself. So what you got?
Will: We have this lovely, expensive bracelet.
Agnes: $200.
Carlton: For an ordinary bracelet but not okay for one that formerly belonged to Catherine the Great.
Agnes: The one-armed chick that works the corner of Hollywood and Vine? She a class act. Okay, $300.
Will: Oh, did we mention that it ain't stolen?
Agnes: Okay, $400. But that's only 'cause I think your short friend here is kind of cute. Hey, small stuff you wanna come back here and check out the rest of my merchandise?

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: Mom, have I told you that every year you grow even more youthful? You're going to be well into your 40s before you need plastic surgery.
Vivian: No, you cannot have the Diamond League over for lunch.
Hilary: Daddy, you promised you would reason with her.
Vivian: Honey, I don't know why you want to join that organization anyway. Baby, it was different when I joined. Today, all those women care about are cars, men, and money.
Philip: Well, what's wrong with that, sweetheart? Men with money can drive her away in their cars.
Hilary: Come on, it's just a little lunch. You never got me a pony.

Quote from Geoffrey

Vivian: Geoffrey, start buffing the silver.
Geoffrey: What the hell's your problem? You got bricks in your butt, you clown? Right away, madam.

Quote from Geoffrey

Geoffrey: Your milk, Master Carlton.
Carlton: Thank you, Geoffrey.
Geoffrey: How's our stock doing?
Will: Up 300%.
Geoffrey: Yee - and might I add - haw!

Quote from Will

Will: Hey, man, you know what I'm gonna do with my share of the money? I'm gonna go out and get my very own team. It's between the Raiderettes and the Laker Girls.
Carlton: You can't buy love, Will.
Will: Man, what you talking about? I don't want love. I just want them to follow me around saying, "Go, Will. Get busy."

Quote from Carlton

Male voice: [on TV] This just in. Westworld Airlines has just filed for a Chapter 1 1.
Will: Whoo! Hoo-hoo-hoo! Yeah! Whoo! Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Aah! [laughs] Carlton?
Carlton: Yes, Will?
Will: That ain't a good thing, is it?
Carlton: No, Will.
Will: We're in trouble, ain't we?
Carlton: Yes, Will. We just lost everything.
Carlton: Oh, my God! How're we gonna get Mom's bracelet back?
Will: Come on, man. Don't panic.
Carlton: Too late. Dad knows. No Harvard. Dead end. "Paper or plastic?"

Quote from Carlton

Carlton: $24, $25. Gosh. Who'd have thought they'd pay you so little for selling your blood? How do you feel, Will?
Will: l'm fine. [flops onto the couch]
Carlton: Oh, buck up. You only have to give blood 50 more times to get Mom's bracelet back.
Will: There's gotta be an easier way, man. If I could just get them classifieds.
Carlton: You're not gonna hit me with this, are you?
Will: I'd like to. But I see three of you, and I don't know which one to hit.

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