Tyriq: Hey, hey.
Philip: Hi, Will.
Vivian: Philip, you really should get your eyes checked.
Philip: [strains to look at Tyriq] I'll make an appointment to see the eye doctor tomorrow.
Ashley: Tyriq, Will's upstairs, I'll go get him.
Tyriq: That's okay, Ashley, I'll get him. [shouts] Yo, Will! lt's Ty!
Philip: You're sure he heard you?
Tyriq: You know, that's a good point. You got a broom? I mean, I could go bang on the ceiling.

Will: Why you got my shirt on, man?
Tyriq: Hey, wait, wait, wait. What you talking about, your shirt? You said you weren't gonna buy it.
Will: I said I wouldn't buy it if I were you. I got the shoulders for it.
Ashley: That shirt looks good on anyone. All the guys in the eighth grade have one.
Will: I'm gonna take mine back, man.
Tyriq: Yeah, all right, well, me, too. You know, I better return mine before my scent overpowers it.
Hilary: I think you guys are spending too much time together.

Will: Hey, how'd the interview go?
Hilary: You are looking at the new catering director for Delectable Eats. I am single-handedly overseeing a bar mitzvah for 200 people this Saturday.
Vivian: Oh, I'm so happy for you.
Philip: Congratulations, baby.
Hilary: Mom, Dad, this time I think I've really found my niche and I owe it all to you.
Vivian: This is so exciting. Why don't you help me fix dinner?
Hilary: [scoffs] Please. You can't afford me.

Hilary: Barb, hi. So, what do you think?
Barb: Hil, hi, everything looks wonderful. You are a gem. Now remember, the serving crew should wear the new aprons I bought. By the way, where is the serving crew?
Hilary: Serving crew? By that you mean, the crew that serves?
Barb: Are they in the party room?
Hilary: And by that you mean, the room where the party is?
Hilary: Now the serving crew is not in the party room at this point in time, Barb because you see, they're right here. [Will & Tyriq enter] Hi, serving crew.

Barb: What a great idea, Hilary, I love the matching shirts. My son in eighth grade has one. Well, I must dash, see you this evening.
Hilary: Ciao. [to Will & Tyriq] Thanks guys, you saved me. Do you think you could stay and help serve?
Will: Do I look like Hazel? Look, Hilary, I told you, we have something to do, we can't stay.
Hilary: Okay. If I lose this job, I guess I can always sell my hair.
Will: That's cool. Just make sure Uncle Phil pays you top dollar for it. [Hilary sobs]
Hilary, I told you from the beginning that we were gonna have to go, now don't try to pull this. [Hilary wails]
Tyriq: What kind of monster are you?
Will: All right, look, Hil look, me and Ty got to meet our dates but we'll go home and we'll get the others to help you.

Ashley: You know how hard it is for me to say no? No. Easier than I thought. Neat.

Will: I don't believe you two. Hilary is your sister. [to Carlton] Look, if it weren't for her, man, you... [to Ashley] Every time you've been in a jam, she. [to Carlton] Hey, she's always the first one... [giving up] Hilary's your sister.

Carlton: Oh, what a tangled web we weave. First you lied on your dating application then you lied on Hilary's resume. A lie always comes back to haunt you.
Will: Sort of like that heat rash on your neck that you've been passing off in gym class as a hickey?
Carlton: Enough said.

Tyriq: What's the point of a bar mitzvah, anyway?
Hilary: It's when a Jewish boy becomes a man.
Tyriq: In front of all these people?

Will: Ty, look, she really needs our help, man, she's in a jam. Can we help her out?
Tyriq: All right. Okay, but, you know, not for long because this is my one chance to date a woman who doesn't wear all her gold in her mouth.
Will: Just 20 minutes. We'll be out of here in 20 minutes.
Hilary: Great! Okay, servers let's go out and show those partygoers the best darn time they've ever had! Say it once, say it loud, we've got brie and we're proud!
All: [weakly] We've got brie and we're proud, Hilary.