Philip: The silver's obviously not in the house. It must have been stolen.
Vivian: Oh, I would hate to think that a neighbor took it.
Will: We need that little White lady from Murder, She Wrote.
Vivian: Boys, we'll keep looking, but go ahead and drop this cake off at Sonya's.
Will: All right. And if you all happen to be digging around under my bed those videotapes are for my report on Clarence Thomas.

Philip: Oh, that diet and exercise regimen your mother put me on has really changed my life. I never felt better. It's so nice having her home all the time. She wakes up cheerful in the morning, leaves little love notes in my briefcase, calls me up at work just to chat. That woman must be stopped.

Carlton: This is all your fault!
Will: What? My fault? You're the one that said it was Aunt Viv's silverware.
Carlton: Since when do you listen to me?
Will: Let's just stop arguing, man. Let's think of a plan.
Carlton: We'll get caught. We'll go to jail. Kid 'N Play will portray us in a movie.

Hilary: Thanks for the tour, but we better get going. I just know we're going to be surrounded by autograph seekers at Neiman's.
Sonya Lamor: I'm used to it, darling. I'm very famous.
Hilary: No, I meant everyone always mistakes me for Whitney Houston.

Hilary: Look, I know Mom's a lousy cook, but all the same I'm really glad that she quit her job.
Will: Yeah, I mean, having her home all the time is great. I mean, you know, she picks our clothes out for us and checks our homework and, you know, cuts the crust off the end of our bread. Hey, look, that woman must be stopped, y'all.

Geoffrey: Madam, I have taken the liberty of polishing your grandmother's silver for tonight's dinner party.
Will: Whoa, is that G or Philip Michael Thomas?
Geoffrey: I take it you're referring to this charming ensemble which your aunt insisted I wear. It is only my humble opinion but... [quietly] that woman must be stopped! Ciao.

Philip: You kids don't know how lucky you are, now that she's home all the time.
Vivian: Oh, thank you, Philip.
Philip: Well, I've never felt better since I've been on this diet of exercise and healthy food.
Will: [hangs up phone] Uncle Phil, that was for you. They said you left your wallet at the Donut Depot.

Philip: I hope Sonya goes for this contract proposal.
Vivian: Well, maybe this cake will sweeten the deal.
Carlton: Will and I are going to Tower Records to pick up a few CDs.
Will: Yeah, I'm gonna teach Carlton how to tap his foot on beat.

Geoffrey: Madame, I have some distressing news. Your heirloom silverware is missing! And someone's stolen my new uniform!
Vivian: What?
Philip: Well, it's probably just misplaced. Let's split up and look for it.
Geoffrey: Oh, no, no. Don't trouble yourself, sir. I'll just go back to wearing my old uniform.
Philip: I was talking about the silverware.

Will: Whoa, this house is no joke! Hey, isn't this the cane that you used in An Officer and a Hussy?
Sonya Lamor: I played opposite Olivier.
Carlton: Laurence Olivier was in An Officer and a Hussy?
Sonya Lamor: No it was his brother, Wendall.
Will: Check this out, hold up. "Lamor and Gable"? You got top billing over Clark Gable?
Sonya Lamor: It was Schlomo Gable, his half-brother.
Carlton: Then I guess this Reagan isn't really Ronald.
Sonya Lamor: No, that is really Ronald. You see, we couldn't get his brother.