Mr. Wilkinson: I'm moving you to the back row so that no one can hear that squawk box that you call a voice.
Fez: The back row? But the back row is for the untalented and the ugly. Ay, you are no fun.
Mr. Wilkinson: Music is not about fun. It's about passion and commitment. Have you ever been moved to tears by the warbling timbre of your own voice?
Fez: No, because I am a man. [Mr. Wilkinson sighs and walks off]
Kitty: Well, he just, um- He doesn't seem to like you at all.
Fez: The British have always hated my people. We won the war, buddy. Get over it! [chuckles] Oh, good one, Fez.

[circle:]
Fez: I'm so happy to be back home with my friends. [sings] Some people call me the space cowboy...
Eric: No, nobody calls you that. And if anyone's the space cowboy, it's me.
Hyde: What? In your dreams, Forman. I am widely acknowledged as the space cowboy of this group. And I also call "midnight toker."
Mr. Wilkinson: Wow. This cheeseburger is bloody brilliant.

Hyde: And we got you an opening-night present. Congratulations, buddy! [Fez laughs]
Mr. Wilkinson: Bloody hell, is that my mailbox?
Fez: [imitating Wilkinson] Bloody 'ell, is that me mailbox? [laughs]
Kelso: That's dead on.
Mr. Wilkinson: Yes, I'm sure you'll all remember this fondly as you rot in your Barcaloungers cheeseburgers clenched in your fat American fists.
Fez: You got that right, buddy.

Bob: Hey, everybody.
Fez: Bob. Hey, I saved seats for you and the gang.
Bob: Oh, I don't think they're coming.
Fez: Of course they are.
Bob: Well, you know, I asked if they needed a ride, but they said, "No." When I left, they were just sittin' in the basement, laughing.
Fez: But the show's about to start.
Bob: Ooh! Then I better get to the refreshment table. Did you know that all that stuff was free? It says donations accepted, but you don't gotta put nothing in.

Fez: So, what do you think?
Leo: I think whatever you're on, I'll take two of 'em.

Kitty: Well, you certainly seem in high spirits.
Fez: Of course. Soon all of my friends are gonna be here and we'll be all like a family. I wish you were my family. Oh, we would be so happy together.
[fantasy: Kitty goes to tuck Fez, Hyde and Eric into their giant bed:]
Kitty: Okay, kids, it's nighty-night time.
Eric: Good night, Mom.
Hyde: Night, Ma.
Fez: That's my mama.
Eric: I love you, Fez.
Hyde: I love you more.
Red: I love you the most.
Fez: Daddy.
Red: All right. Sleep tight. And don't let the bed bugs put their foot in your ass.
Kitty: Okay, boys, lights out. And no more staying up till 8:30 giving each other hugs. [boys groan] See you in the morning.

Mr. Wilkinson: Now, remember singing is all about the use of the diaphragm. [girls giggle] And what's so funny about the proper use of the diaphragm? It's the muscle you breathe with. Below your bosom! [girls giggle] Oh, bloody imbeciles.
Kitty: So, this must be a very exciting night for you.
Mr. Wilkinson: Yes, yes. If the mayor likes what he sees, I'll be directing this year's Dairy Days Dance-abration.
Kitty: Oh, that is always wonderful. One time, they had a quartet dressed as cows and they sang "Blue Moon." [laughs] 'Cause they were cows!
Mr. Wilkinson: Yes, I'm sure you thick-headed Americans could hardly contain your grunts.
Kitty: Well, I thought it was delightful.

Fez: My friends are still in the basement? I wonder what they're doing.
Kitty: Oh, I'm sure they're just-
Fez: Miss Kitty, please! I'm trying to wonder.
[fantasy circle:]
Hyde: Ooh, guys. Fez's concert is about to start. Which means we have three more hours without his sorry ass! Let's eat his candy.
Donna: Yeah. [as Fez] My name is Fez. I love candy. Whore! Good day. I said, good day!
Eric: Yeah, and the best part is, that idiot actually thinks I'm his friend. [scoffs] Like I care. I wish he were dead. Oh, hey, we should kill him.
Kelso: No, I got a better idea. Let's sing without him.

Fez: Boy, do I know how to shake it.
Mr. Wilkinson: Imbecile, you're on!
Fez: Well, that's my cue. This is just like A Star Is Born, and I am Barbra Streisand. Love me!

Fez: Okay, my friends. Invitations to see Fez in tonight's Spring Sing charmingly illustrated by the hand of Fez.
Hyde: Great, something to put my gum in. Just kidding. [spits gum out and throws flyer]
Eric: Oh, man, this concert's tonight?
Fez: Yes, it's tonight. I've been talking about it for weeks! Don't you listen to me?
Kelso: Fez, I don't know what you're getting so upset about. You know we don't listen to you.