Jackie: Yeah, I don't know, Fez. I mean, I'm still kind of tired from the party last night.
Fez: Party? What party?
Donna: You know, the party. You were there.
Fez: No, I do not know, and I was not there. Someone forgot to tell me.
Eric: Wait, are you sure? 'Cause I could have sworn you were there. Remember when the college girl got up on the table and took her top off?
Fez: What?
Leo: Yeah, that was great, man.
Fez: Wait, even Smokey the Bear was there? Fine. Fine, what's done is done. The important thing is where you're going to be tonight. At my concert watching me. Oh, it's gonna be such a wonderful evening. Music, good friends and dancing. Just like life should be.

Fez: [sings] Perfecto.
Kelso: Oh, Fez, was that you? I could have sworn I just heard Wayne Newton.
Fez: Mr. and Mrs. Forman. You came to my concert.
Kitty: Well, it's the Spring Sing. There is no place we'd rather be than the Spring Sing.
Red: Now, Kitty, that's just a lie.

Fez: Ay, here comes my music teacher, Mr. Wilkinson. He is unpleasant.
Mr. Wilkinson: Are you the parents of this horrible little man? I'll have you know, he's been imitating my accent behind my back.
Red: Well, first of all, we are not his parents and second of all... Well, the rest of it, I just don't care about.

Kitty: Well, that was detailed.
Red: You are one fruity kid.

Fez: So, they would rather make fun of me than come here.
Kitty: Well, honey, you know, at least they're singing... like you'll be doin' real soon. [sings] Happy song. Happy song. [talks] Is there a bar here?
Fez: You know, last night they went to a party without me. A topless party.
Kitty: What?
Red: Where?
Fez: They were the first people to be nice to me when I came to America but maybe I am not their friend. Maybe I am just a goofy foreign kid.
Kitty: Well, can't you be both?
Fez: I would settle for friend, but I don't even think I am that.
Red: Well, you still got "goofy foreign kid." That's something.

Fez: Well, the butts are in the seats but not one butt is the butt of a friend.
Kitty: Well, this is just rude. They better have run out of gas or hit a deer or something.

Mr. Wilkinson: Okay, places everyone. Let's show them what we've got. Teeth and cleavage! Teeth and cleavage.
Fez: Well, that does it. Now I am mad. All they care about is themselves and their stupid, messed-up relationships. Boo-hoo, love hurts. Well they deserve it!
Red: Aw, geez, not another one.
[fantasy:]
Donna: Do we really have to go see that foreign boy sing?
Eric: I'm not going. I'm in too much pain from our breakup. Even though it was months ago, it still affects every part of my life. Me, me, me.
Kelso: No! Me, me, me.
Jackie: Wait. What about me, me, me?
Donna: Me!
Eric: Me!
Kelso: Me!
All: Me!

Leo: Wow, I just caught the end, but that was nice.
Fez: Leo, you made it.
Leo: What, this? No, I got this at a church sale. Hey, where's that dude and that other dude, and that girl and that dude, and the other girl?
Fez: They're not here. It's just me alone. Always alone.

Kelso: Hi, Fez.
Fez: Where the hell have you been?
Donna: Well, we were on our way here when we passed by your music teacher's house.
Kelso: And I said, "Fez hates that guy. Let's toilet-paper it!" So-
Donna: So we did!