Red: Look who tore himself away from himself long enough to join us.
Jackie: Yeah, usually he's too busy for lunch.
Kitty: All right, both of you stop. Honey, you washed your hands, right?
Eric: Look, Dad, I can't believe I'm going to say this, but... Can I talk to you in private for a moment?
Red: No, I don't think so. I know the kind of things you do in private.
Eric: Dad...
Red: Oh, all right. Just keep your hands where I can see them. [laughs] This really isn't getting old.

Eric: Okay. So, you know how I do things that are horrible, and it seems like I can't make them any worse, and then I do?
Red: Sadly, yes.
Eric: Well, I did it again.
Red: Again? How many bathrooms does that house have?
Eric: No! Not... Not that. Donna wanted to talk about the horrible thing.
Red: Oh. They always want to talk about it.
Eric: Yeah, well, we talked about it. And in the course of talking about it, information was revealed that made it much, much worse.

Eric: Listen up, Donna. I've got something to say.
Donna: Okay, but be careful. Jackie's mom was here earlier. I don't want you to catch a whiff of her perfume and have to sexually assault yourself in the hallway.
Eric: No, no, no, no. I talk, you listen. Okay, this is all your fault. Yeah, do you have any idea what your celibacy thing is doing to me? My needs have risen to near... Fezian levels. He is a sick bastard, Donna, and now, thanks to you, so am I! Yeah, that's right, Donna! You created a monster. I can't leave myself alone!
Donna: You know what? You're right. I'm sorry.
Eric: You are? I mean... Yeah, damn right you are.

Fez: So they make an evening of it?
Eric: Yeah, candles, music... God, girls do everything better.
Hyde: You don't suppose Jackie... Nah, she wouldn't even go to a self-serve gas station.
Fez: What would happen if I walked in during one of their evenings? Are they like us where, even though we're alone, we welcome a visitor?
Eric: Well, yeah. I mean, it's not like they'd rather do it themselves, when they could have a man do it, right?
Hyde: Right.
Fez: Yeah. [all chuckle]

Hyde: You ready?
Fez: You bet I am. Let's see you do QT in the KP with this, you SOB.