Kelly: Are you okay?
Jonah: Yeah, I just, I'm trying to do it like Garrett, but I'm a little better, I think, feeding off someone, you know, riffing in the moment.
Kelly: Yeah, sure, like a co-host, like, like, Kelly Ripa.
Jonah: Yes, or Hoda.
Kelly: Okay, all right... Then let's riff.
Jonah: Oh, all right. You ready?
Kelly: Yeah. [both speak simultaneously]
Jonah: Maybe we need to rehearse a little bit.

Carol: Plus, you're probably really out of practice sex-wise.
Amy: Excuse me?
Mateo: And I'm guessing your downstairs is a jungle?
Tate: Mm, retro. Nothing wrong with that.
Amy: No, it is a manicu... You know what? I am not gonna defend myself.

Amy: Hey, um, can I ask you a question?
Man: Yeah.
Amy: Would you go out on a date with someone like me?
Man: Oh, I'm married.
Amy: Oh, no, no, no, I'm not asking you out. I just mean, like, theoretically. Like, say your wife died and you're single now.
Man: What? Why would she have died?
Amy: Okay fine, she never existed, or she was abducted. And you're not sad, you're fine. You were looking for a way out, and it led you to me, so on a scale from one to ten, I'm like a eight minimum, right?
Man: Uh, yeah, um, you know what? I, uh, I have a lot of great clothes at home, so I'll just... I'll just wear those before I go out shopping. Thank you.

Glenn: Garrett, what happened?
Garrett: Yeah, I don't know, Sandra was on softlines.
Glenn: What...
Garrett: Oh, you know what? She had to do something, so I told her she could bounce. All right, I'll see you later.
Glenn: No, wh-wh-wh-wh-whoa. You can't go home until this is cleaned up.
Garrett: Seriously?
Glenn: Well, it's gotta get done, Mr. Acting Assistant Manager.
Garrett: Oh, why are these pants moist?
Glenn: Oh yeah, that happens.

Tate: Ugh, maybe we should allow bullying in schools if it'll prevent stuff like this.
Amy: Yeah, tell me about it.
Tate: Tough day at the office? I'm just kidding, you don't have an office.
Amy: You know, it hasn't been great, Tate. I killed a groundhog... probably... and if it lives, it'll never be the same. And I learned that on a scale from one to ten, I am immensely unappealing.
Tate: You can't listen to what people here say. They're all idiots. Today, one of them asked me whether he's supposed to eat the cotton inside the pill bottle.
Amy: Elias?
Tate: Elias, yeah. Look, I know everyone here is trying to hook you up with a bunch of randos, but you should hold out for a good one. You deserve that.
Amy: Well, that... that kinda sounds like a line, but, um, thank you.
Tate: Well, listen, I don't know if you feel like a drink, but I know a great little spot. I told them that I'm a veteran, so I drink for half price.

Glenn: [sings] ♪ Jebediah Grey's got a baby on the way ♪ ♪ Oh goodness me ♪ ♪ A papa he will be ♪ ♪ For the lord... ♪

Amy: So, um, Tate, last night was fun and impulsive.
Tate: Mm-hmm.
Amy: And expensive.
Tate: Yeah, sorry I forgot my credit card.
Amy: Yeah, uh, but I think it would be great if we kept it between us. You know how people around here talk and gossip, and we don't want that, so...
Tate: Understood. Your secret's safe with me. When I journal about this... and I will... I will call you Consuela.
Amy: Okay.
Tate: Adios, Consuela.

Mateo: So, this is my cousin, Nestor. He is studying to be a receptionist, and he sleeps on the top bunk.
Amy: Hard pass.
Mateo: [scoffs] Okay, you can't just wait for the Rogelios of the world. You gotta lower the bar a little.

Mateo: Oh, my God, did you have a three-way with Elias?
Amy: What? These are your guesses? No, it was somebody better-looking, someone more on my level.
Cheyenne: Marcus.
Mateo: Cody.
Cheyenne: [gasp] Mary.
Amy: Okay, it was Tate.
Cheyenne: Tate?
Mateo: You bitch.
Amy: Yeah, and it wasn't a big deal, and technically, he's a ten, and he was totally into it. So, maybe do the math on that.

Mateo: Oh, so you're just tossing that cat around, but Nestor can't get a turn.
Amy: I'm not tossing anything around, and I don't want to be dating anyone anywhere.
Man: Well, that's not how it seemed yesterday. You were totally hitting on me.
Amy: What are you doing here?
Man: It's a store, I'm allowed to be here.
Tate: Unbelievable.
Cheyenne: Someone's thirsty.
Marcus: Guys, enough. Look, I had dibs, so the order goes me, beard guy, then Nestor, before we come back around to Tate again.