Jonah: Five bucks says Best Actor or Actress dedicates their Golden Globe to the troops.

Mateo: I'll bet you ten someone rolls their R too hard talking about a foreign film.

Jonah: You really don't have to do this.
Mateo: You can host a party next year, when your life isn't in shambles.
Amy: You guys, my life is not in shambles.
Dina: He didn't mean shambles. He meant your life has fallen to pieces.
Mateo: What do you think shambles are? They're pieces.
Jonah: Shambles implies more of a disaster-wreckage situation.
Amy: Um, I'll tell you who deserves an award for "Life Least in Shambles".
Mateo: Oh, Rooney Mara.
Garrett: Yes.
Sandra: She is killing it.
Amy: Yes, love her. Also, me.

Amy: Oh, Dina. You're three hours early.
Dina: Yeah. I came to help you set up. It's what best friends do.
Amy: Oh! We're best friends.
Dina: Yeah! Well, I mean, I'm yours. You're my number four. And technically, I count twins as one person.

Dina: Oof, guess we are going to have to prioritize this. Why don't you tackle the walls? And I'll try to do something about that smell. Where's the white vinegar and ammonia kept?
Amy: There's no smell. It smells like a regular house.
Dina: This is classic us. I try to improve you, you fight it. Ultimately, you submit and are better for it. I also wouldn't wear this.
Amy: Yeah, no, I'm not wearing sweats to my party.
Dina: Great! We are going to make a swan out of you yet. Okay, why don't you go change? And I will do a quick vibrator sweep.

Dina: Whoa, somebody's overdressed. I've seen less sparkles at a pride parade.

Jerusha: Amy, so sorry to hear about Adam.
Amy: Oh, it's okay. It's fine. It's great, actually.
Jerusha: You know, sometimes when you aren't happy, it's better to be divorced than to stay in the marriage.
Amy: Yeah, that's why we...
Jerusha: A lot of people are happier after they get divorced than when they were married.
Amy: Yeah, no, I know...
Jerusha: Like Jennifer Lopez. I read an article.
Glenn: I read it, too.
Jerusha: I read it, then he read it.
Amy: Totally. Yeah, that's very interesting.

Jerusha: Oh, I made you... a hummingbird.
Amy: Wow.
Glenn: Jerusha has a knack for finding the perfect animal for anybody's personality.
Jerusha: I do, I do.
Glenn: I'm a Labrador.
Amy: Well, thank you. Thanks. I am going to put that where people put things like this.
Garrett: Unfortunately, we can't stay long, 'cause we have to go home early to... make a baby.
Jerusha: Well, we're going to try. Together, the two of us, with his, in my...
Glenn: Jerusha.

Garrett: [wacky voice] Whassup?
Dina: [wacky voice] Whassup?
Mateo: [wacky voice] Whassup?
Dina: [normal voice] You remember that one.
Kelly: Oh, yeah.
Dina: Right?
[Kelly nods]

Garrett: I don't get it. Why do you have all these remotes that do absolutely nothing? I mean, this is a straight-up calculator.
Amy: Oh!
Garrett: You have another calculator. You have a third calculator in here.
Amy: I mean, they're useful.