Elaine: This guy I'm going out with-
Jerry: Robert.
Elaine: Robert. Yes, thank you. He has two cats and I'm allergic to them. You know, I finally meet a normal man, and I can't even go into his apartment, you know. And, of course, my apartment is the actor's studio so we can't go there. It's really causing a lot of problems, you know. He won't even go away for the weekend because of these cats.
George: Guys with cats.. I don't know.

Jerry: I've been thinking about asking this girl I'm, uh, seeing-
Elaine: Vanessa.
Jerry: Vanessa, thank you. I've been thinking about asking her to go away for a couple of days.
George: Oh no. No, no, no, no, no. I'd have to advise against that. What do you know this woman, a month? Let's see, you're going to be with her seventy-two hours. That's a dating decathlon.

Jerry: You better find that grape before it mutates into another life form. [Elaine laughs] There was once a mutant grape that terrorized an entire town in the Texas panhandle. They brought in the army, nobody could stop it. Apparently it had a pit of steel.

George: Did you ever meet my friend, Simons?
Jerry: Maybe.
George: He knows this guy, Wilkinson. He made a fortune in the stock market. Now he's got some new thing... You know, there's supposed to be a big merger. He wasn't even supposed to say anything. You guys should think about doing this too.
Jerry: How high's it suppose to go?
George: I don't know. But Simons said that if I wanted to get involved, that Wilkinson would tell me the exact right minute to sell. You wanna do it?
Jerry: Boy.. I don't know.
Elaine: I'd do it but I don't have any money.
Jerry: What kind of company is it?
George: It's Centrax. They've got some new kind of technique for televising opera.
Elaine: Televising opera?
George: Some sort of electronic thingy.
Jerry: Well, how much are you going to invest?
George: Five thousand... Ten. Ten thousand... Five thousand.

Jerry: I have to say. Those people talking behind us really ruined that movie for me.
Vanessa: Why didn't you do something?
Jerry: What do you want me to do? I have the guy the half-turn. Then I have him the full-turn with the eye roll! I mean, beyond that, I'm risking a punch in the mouth.

Jerry: Have you thought any more about that trip?
Vanessa: Yeah, I've been thinking about it.
Jerry: You know, my friend told me about this great place in Vermont.
Vanessa: I don't know. I just worry about trips like this.. It's a lot of pressure.
Jerry: It's great! It speeds up the intimacy level. It's like putting the relationship in a time compressor. Where we would be six months from now we accomplish... [snaps] three days.
Vanessa: Oh, so you want to move our relationship into Phase Two?
Jerry: Exactly. I love Phase Two. Extra toothbrushes, increased call frequency, walking around naked. You know, the presents get a lot better in Phase Two.
Vanessa: Really? Could we go fishing up there?
Jerry: Yeah. We can fish. What? Blues, carp, marlin?
Vanessa: They have marlin in Vermont?
Jerry: Oh, big fighting marlin.

Vanessa: Jerry, the stock is the same as when you checked it earlier. There are no changes after the market closes. The stock is still down.
Jerry: I know. But this is a different paper. I thought maybe they have, uh, different.. sources.

Jerry: Is that my paper?
Kramer: Bad news, my friend.
Jerry: What? What news?
Kramer: Centrax.
Jerry: Oh, come on! It's down again?!
Kramer: Two and a half points.
Jerry: Oh, I can't believe it. Let me see that. That's four and a half points in three days! That's almost half my money!
Kramer: Hey, I told you.
Jerry: [sarcastic] Yeah, you told me.
Kramer: It's all manipulated with junk bonds. You can't win.
Jerry: [picks up phone] There's one thing I don't understand. Why does it please you? [on the phone] George Costanza, please.
Kramer: Hey, I don't care. I'm just telling you to [loudly] get rid of that stock, now!
Jerry: [on the phone] George, what's going on?!
Kramer: Sell it, just say I'm selling!

Jerry: Well, this is it. I'm selling.
George: Just give it a little more time.
Jerry: I never should've gotten involved in this. I'm a nervous wreck. I"m not cut out for investing.
George: All right, all right. That's it. I'm gonna go down there.
Jerry: Where?
George: To the hospital.
Jerry: The hospital?
George: I'm going to find out what's going on. All right?
Jerry: Are you nuts? You don't even know they guy.
George: So what? I'll start talking to him, you know, casual, and I'll work my way around to it.
Jerry: What if he's in an iron lung or something? What are you gonna do? [knocks] "How you feeling, Mr. Wilkinson? [hissing sound] By the way, what's happening with Centrax?"

Elaine: [sneezes]
Jerry: Bless you.
Elaine: Thank you. What evidence is there that cats are so smart, anyway? Huh? What do they do? Because they're clean? I am sorry. My Uncle Pete showers four times a day and he can't count to ten, so don't give me hygiene.
Jerry: So what are you gonna do?
Elaine: I don't know. I can't think of any solution, unless of course they should meet with some unfortunate accident. What do you think a hit man would charge to rub out a couple of cats?
Jerry: Well, it couldn't be too expensive. Thirteen, fourteen bucks a cat?
Elaine: What do you think, Jerry? You wanna make twenty-eight bucks?
Jerry: I'm no cat killer.
Elaine: How about we go over there right now and we shave them?