Elaine Quote #17
Quote from Elaine in The Stock Tip
Elaine: [sneezes]
Jerry: Bless you.
Elaine: Thank you. What evidence is there that cats are so smart, anyway? Huh? What do they do? Because they're clean? I am sorry. My Uncle Pete showers four times a day and he can't count to ten, so don't give me hygiene.
Jerry: So what are you gonna do?
Elaine: I don't know. I can't think of any solution, unless of course they should meet with some unfortunate accident. What do you think a hit man would charge to rub out a couple of cats?
Jerry: Well, it couldn't be too expensive. Thirteen, fourteen bucks a cat?
Elaine: What do you think, Jerry? You wanna make twenty-eight bucks?
Jerry: I'm no cat killer.
Elaine: How about we go over there right now and we shave them?
Seinfeld Quotes
‘The Stock Tip’ Quotes
Quote from Kramer
Kramer: You know, I can't believe you put your money in that Centrax. And you could've invested in my roll-out tie dispenser.
Jerry: Roll-out tie dispenser? What was that one?
Kramer: Okay, you're in a restaurant. You've got a very big meeting coming up.
Jerry: Okay.
Kramer: "Oh, man". You got mustard on your tie.
Jerry: Oh, no!
Kramer: You just... tear it off, and you got a new one right here. Then you're gone.
Jerry: You're gone, all right.
Quote from Jerry
Jerry: I think Superman probably has a very good sense of humor.
George: I never heard him say anything really funny.
Jerry: But it's common sense. He's got super strength, super speed. I'm sure he's got super humor.
George: You would think that, but either you're born with a sense of humor, or you're not. It's not going to change even if you go from the red sun of Krypton all the way to the yellow sun of the Earth.
Jerry: Why? Why would that one area of his mind not be affected by the yellow sun of Earth?
George: I don't know. But he ain't funny.
Quote from Jerry
[stand-up:]
Jerry: I'm not an investor. People always tell me, you should have your money working for you. I've decided I'll do the work. I'm gonna let the money relax. You know what I mean? 'Cause you send your money out there working for you, a lot of times, it gets fired. You go back there, "What happened? I had my money. It was here, it was working for me." "Yeah, I remember your money. Showing up late. Taking time off. We had to let him go."