‘The Serenity Now’
Season 9, Episode 3 - Aired October 9, 1997
George goes into business with his father who has a new method to lower his stress. Kramer turns the space in front of his apartment into a slice of rural America. Meanwhile, Jerry's girlfriend is upset that he never shows his emotions, and Elaine attends Mr. Lippman's son's bah mitzvah.
Quote from Jerry
Jerry: Damn it, they gave me cream! I asked for nonfat milk!
Patty: I think they have 1% over there.
Jerry: 1%?! They can kiss 1% of my ass!
Patty: Okay, Jerry, enough. I'm not buying it.
Jerry: You're damn right you're not buying it!
Patty: You shouldn't have to try. It's just being open.
Jerry: I'm open. There's just nothing in there.
Quote from Elaine
Jerry: Tongue?
Elaine: Yeah.
George: Wow! I didn't try that till I was 23.
Jerry: Well this kid's not just a man. He's a man's man.
Elaine: And I think he's been telling his friends. I got invitations to six more Bar Mitzvahs.
Quote from Jerry
Jerry: [answers phone] Hello? Yeah, this is Jerry Seinfeld. No, no, no, I do not want to stop over in Cincinnati. Well, then you upgrade me. That's right, you should thank me. Goodbye. [hangs up] Hey, I'm flying first class.
Elaine: Where did that come from?
Jerry: Patty showed me how to get mad. You got a problem with that?
Elaine: No.
Jerry: Good.
Quote from Frank Costanza
George: Morning, Ma.
Estelle Costanza: [o.s.] You're late!
George: Morning, Dad
Frank Costanza: I'm not Dad in the workplace. My professional name is Mr. Costanza, and I will refer to you as 'Costanza'. [Lloyd Braun enters] Morning, Braun.
Lloyd: Morning, George. [to Frank] Two cream, no sugar.
George: What is Lloyd Braun doing here?
Frank Costanza: Your mother recommended him.
George: Yeah, of course she did. That's all I ever heard growing up is, "Why can't you be more like Lloyd Braun?" Did you know he was in a mental institution?
Frank Costanza: I didn't read his resume.
Quote from Estelle Costanza
Lloyd: Another sale, Mr. Costanza. Chalk me up on the big board.
George: What is this?
Frank Costanza: [drawing a zero under George's name] This is your lagging. Good work, Braun.
Estelle Costanza: [o.s.] Good for you, Lloyd!
Quote from George
George: You know what? It doesn't matter, because I quit!
Frank Costanza: I guess your mother was right. You never could compete with Lloyd Braun. [Lloyd rings his sale bell]
George: You wanna sell computers? I will show you how to sell computers! [dials phone] Hello, Mr. Finerman. You wanna buy a computer? No? Why not? All right, I see. Good answer. Thank you. [Lloyd rings his sale bell] Serenity now!
Quote from George
George: Are you still down in the dumps? Come on. It's just a chick.
Jerry: You ever heard of a little thing called feelings?
George: Well, I got just the thing to cheer you up. A computer. Huh? You could check porn and stock quotes.
Jerry: Porn quotes.
Quote from Elaine
George: I'll tell you what's insane: the price that I could get you on a new desktop computer.
Elaine: I am not buying a computer from you.
George: There's porn.
Elaine: Even so.
Quote from Elaine
Elaine: Don't get me wrong, Mr. Lippman. I-I'm very flattered that you found me attractive enough to... lunge at me. Huh. But the only reason you like me is because I'm a shiksa.
Mr. Lippman: That's simply not true.
Elaine: If you weren't Jewish, you wouldn't be interested in me.
Mr. Lippman: You are wrong. I'll prove it.
Elaine: Oh, no. Don't!
Mr. Lippman: I renounce Judaism!
Elaine: Oy vey!
Quote from Kramer
Jerry: What happened to you, pal?
Kramer: Joey Zanfino and some of the neighborhood kids. They ambushed me with a box of 'Grade A's.
Jerry: Are you all right?
Kramer: Oh, no. I'm fine. Serenity now. Serenity now. Serenity now.
Jerry: So, you're using Frank's relaxation method?
Kramer: Jerry, the anger, it just melts right off. Serenity now. [fails to open a bag of chips] Serenity now!
Elaine: [enters] Hey, what happened to you?
Kramer: Serenity.